Heal my soul [Joel FanFic]

today could be the best day of your life1

That’s what Joel said in Good Charlotte's The chronicles of life and death .2

At this moment I didn’t believe him, I'm Brittany- part of the Good Charlotte tour crew. The band is working on getting ready for the show that starts in like three hours so I'm helping check everything, making sure everything will be perfect. I listen to Joel's voice ring throughout the sound check and I know that he doesn’t really want to be here, neither do I.3

I woke up around 7am because I had to start getting the equipment around for tonight’s concert, but I had been out until 3am. I was celebrating my high school graduation, yes I just graduated high school and I somehow got the chance to work for one of my favorite bands, Good Charlotte. Anyways, I shouldn’t have said I was out until 3am because I’m not 21, so all my drinking was done in the privacy of the roadies bus. Of course Joel came by to congratulate me, but I was already gone… wasted that is. Whenever I get the chance to drink I take it, and most times I don’t stop until I’m passed out, usually in a weird place. Like the last time I drank I passed out in my friends closet. Great times, great times.4

But that’s why I don’t want to be here. I had enough to drink to give me a wicked hangover. Usually I don’t get hangovers, which is surprising since I’m such a lightweight, but once in a great while I’ll have a horrendous hangover, like today. 5

I know why Joel doesn’t want to be here… him and Hilary just broke up. It was a totally mutual thing cuz they both knew they weren’t ‘the ones’ for each other, but still once you lose someone you’ve been so close to for such a long time, well, you just want to be left alone.6

“Is it ever hard to sing those peppy lyrics when you feel so down in the gutter?” I ask Joel as he comes over near me, we’ve talked for a couple weeks now… when I first started helping them I didn’t want to associate with them because I mean come on- they’re Good Charlotte, and I’m just Brittany.7

“Yeah- it is,” he looks down then looks at me, “I’m actually surprised you showed up this morning, I thought you’d have a hangover…”8

“Oh I do. But I have a job to do.”9

He smiles, “well I’m glad you made it to work this morning.” then he slinks back over to his spot in front of the microphone.10

Now the show is about to start, of course bands are opening for Good Charlotte. First to open is Young Love , then The Pink Spiders , and finally Good Charlotte . The fans must be so excited, I know I would be if I was out there… I was out there- just a year ago, and now I’m backstage… it’s fantastic, simply fantastic. I somehow managed to get a hold of the band on MySpace though I had been trying for months, but I don’t care, everything worked out… I got a dream job. Well it doesn’t pay much but I don’t care, I get to be with some of the most amazing people ever, every day. That’s all I could ask for. 11

The lights dim, and Young Love starts to play… the fans don’t know what to think of YL, they’re so full of energy and so… happy. Soon the crowd starts singing along and dancing to the music. When The Pink Spiders come on the crowd goes crazy, TPS became an instant fan favorite, but the moment the crowd almost lost control was when Joel Madden of Good Charlotte came on the mic after TPS had left the stage. 12

“Is anybody listening, can they hear me when I call… I’m shooting signals in the air because I need somebody’s help. I cant make it on my own so I’m giving up myself is anybody listening… listening?”13

The crowd roared as the rest of the band came out playing S.O.S14

And as the night goes on it seems like the crowd gets louder and louder, soon the medium sized building that they’re playing in is louder than an airport with millions of planes taking off. I cant help but lose myself, I just drift away with the crowd, drift into the crowd actually, I fell off the side stage right behind the crowd, who then picked me up and next thing I know, I’m crowd surfing.15

The security guard grabs me and for a moment Joel and I are staring at each other, then he smiles, and I smile, and I laugh, and he chuckles a little. After my feet are back on the floor I quickly flash my ID to the guy at the backstage gate then head straight for the roadies tour bus.16

After about ten minutes I can hear people outside so I figure the show is over. I head back into the building to help the others take care of the stuff, as I’m walking in I pass Joel walking out.17

“You have fun tonight, Brittany?” he asks with a chuckle.18

“I didn’t mean to crowd surf, I fell.”19

“You fell?”20

“Yeah- I was letting myself get into the music, I drifted away, next thing I know- I’m on the floor and the crowd helps me up then I’m surfing.”21

He smiles at me, his cute dorky smile,
“You’re so cool,” then he walks to the bus.22

“Hey- Joel!?” I have to holler in hopes he hears me over the people.23

“Yeah?” he stops to turn back and look at me.24

“Do you wanna hang out sometime, just us. I mean I know you and Hilary broke up and you might be feeling like you wanna be alone but just the two of us can hang out.”25

He smiles again, if he doesn’t stop smiling then his face will be wrinkly before he’s 30... Which will be in a couple years. Oh boy. 26

“We can go out for something to eat tonight when you’re done, if you want…”27

Now it’s my turn to smile,
“Sure. That sounds good.”28

“And I’ll pay.”29

“Aww really? Seriously though I can pay for myself, you don’t have to be kind just because I’m poor and you’re freaking rich.”30

“I’ll pay.” He says with a little force this time.31

“Okay. Okay. You’ll pay.”32

Then he walks to his bus while I walk into the building to go to work, again.33

When I’m done I quickly wash myself with a wet towel and change and deodorize myself. I needed to make sure I didn’t smell. Then I heard a knock and Greg, another tour crew member, opened the door letting Joel on the bus. “Hey, Greg… how’s it going?”34

“Fine, fine, I’m a little groggy from partying with Brittany last night, man I’m not as young as I used to be- and boy can she drink!”35

“Yeah, that’s what I heard…”36

I come out with my jeans and STAFF hoodie on.37

“Greg, you’re just a wuss- that’s all,” I turn from Greg to Joel, “he had one glass of vodka straight and he was trippin.”38

“Was not!”39

“Eh, it doesn’t matter… Brittany, you ready?”40

“Yup. I didn’t have to be dressed up, did I?”41

“Nah- we’re just gonna go to a bar, or should we go somewhere else?”42

“Hey, I have an idea. Lets go bowling!”43

“I guess I’m up for it.”44

We managed to find a bowling alley open and we went in. We picked out our balls, got our shoes, ordered some chow, then started bowling. 45

“You’re absolutely horrible,” Joel said to me as I threw my ball into the gutter.46

“I never said I was good, I just said we should go bowling. It’s killer fun!”47

He laughs at me for the hundredth time and I turn to him, “do you always have to laugh at me?”48

He doesn’t know if I’m being serious or just playing around… I'm being serious.49

“I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing at your jokes.”50

“I haven’t made any!”51

“Don’t take offence, you just make me laugh, Brittany.”52

I sit down rather heavily and after he threw his ball he came over to me.53

“Brittany, you’re not mad at me are you?”54

“I’m just tired, that’s all.”55

“Okay. Well it’s your turn, I’ll go check on the food.”56

When he came back I could tell that he was being cautious as to not upset me again, I couldn’t help getting mad. I’ve been laughed at all my life, so it irritates me sometimes. 57

“Joel, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” I look down and then I can see his feet right in front of mine. He’s lifting my chin and then I can see his eyes looking into mine.58

“Me and Hilary weren’t meant to be, wanna know why?”59

I nod.60

“Because ever since you started working on the tour with us, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”61

Then his lips were on mine and the bowling game was forgot because we began to head back to the bus for some privacy. We’re climbing into the bus as quietly as we can and I’m staying close to Joel because I didn’t want any of the crew guys to see me, even though they cant see me while I’m on GC’s bus. We finally made it to Joel’s little room thingy and I hear Benji in the hall. 62

“Joel, where you been?” 63

“I was just walking around, thinking.” 64

“Oh. Well, Hilary called. She thinks she left her shirt here the other night.”65

When I hear Hilary’s name I choke. Joel doesn’t want me, he’s just rebounding. So I do the only thing I can think of, I run. Out of his room, past Benji, off the bus, and onto the crew’s bus. 66

“Man, what you huffing and puffing for?” John questions me.67

“Just… out… running.” I answer while trying to get my breathing back to normal. “Anything left… from last… night?” 68

“Yeah I think so…”69

So I go to the fridge and find my pint of Smirnoff Raspberry Vodka that Greg bought for me. I never opened it because I already had so much to drink. I’m half way through the bottle when I hear someone walking outside. I empty it and throw it in the trash, just as Joel opens the door.70

“Brittany?”71

I push John towards Joel telling him to tell him I’m sleeping.72

“She’s sleeping.”73

“But she just got back, she can’t be out that fast, Brittany…”
He moves past John to see me standing with my back against the fridge. 74

“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”75

I look in the mirror, I’m all blotchy. That usually happens to me when I drink a lot of vodka in a short amount of time. I cant answer, afraid of what I’ll say so I just nod. 76

“Well come back to my bus, I can get you something.”77

I shake my head no. I can’t go back to his bus, especially not now that I downed a pint of vodka.78

“At least talk to me outside?”79

I don’t want to. That’s what I say inside my head. But I don’t say anything so he takes my hand to guide me off the bus.80

“Why’d you run out like that?”81

I don’t answer.82

“I’m not rebounding. That’s not why I wanted to be with you tonight. I wanted to be with you because I can’t stop thinking of you. I wanted to be with you because you make me smile, laugh, and feel chipper when I’m feeling way down.”83

I still don’t say anything, I’m afraid if I talk he’ll smell the vodka on my breath. I look down because he’s staring into my eyes.84

“Did you drink tonight?”85

“How did you know?”86

“You weren’t answering me, and you weren’t answering me last night. Brittany, I know that just because I don’t drink anymore doesn’t mean someone I want to be in a relationship with can’t drink.”87

“Did you just say you wanted to be in a relationship with me?”88

“Yes.”89

“Hilary...”90

“Already knows. I called her after you ran out on me. Of course she wishes I wouldn’t have moved on so quickly, but she knew I was thinking about someone else while we were together. I loved her to death but she makes a better friend for me personally than a girlfriend. Brittany, I want you to be my girlfriend. I want you.”91

I feel tears start to leave my eyes.92

“Help me heal these wounds they’ve been open for way to long, help me fill this soul even though this is not your fault.” I whisper.93

“Is that a yes?”94

“I have issues Joel. I’ve been hurt. I don’t want to get used and thrown to the curb. My soul cant take it.”95

“Well then let me help you heal the wounds, because they’ve been open for way to long. I wanna help you fill your soul even though it is not my fault.”96

He makes sure there is no space between us and kisses me.97

“I need someone to help me sew them,” I whisper after the kiss.98

“I need someone to help me fill them,” he whispers back.99

“I need someone to help me close them up,” we whisper together.