[Capt. Swag]1
I looked over the crew, so many had left this round I was afraid I'd be short, but, as usual there were just enough crazies that could still sail. There was the typical drunken sea rats that we picked up in every town, the boys who thought sailing would make them a man - which I couldn't really contest - and the runaways who just wanted, or needed, to get out. Not that there were to many of those sort here in Juks-apo. This town was one of the saddest little towns you could find on in the Ocean of Pieces, which was said to hold all 69 pieces somewhere within it depths. 2
"Everyone on, prepare to set sail!" I shouted over their heads. 3
They lazily made their way towards the ship, some of the boys straining to keep back their excitement, others who looked terrified to be so close to water. This is ridiculous.4
"Move you scum! Or I'll throw you over board!" I yelled to them. 5
Their pace picked up and soon they were all aboard. The newbies asking and watching, trying to figure out what to do. "We really should be checking these kids out first," I muttered to myself. 6
One of the boys certainly didn't need help though, he was scampering up the pole to release one of the sail, the rope was stuck. Idiot, he was probably going to fall and then we'd have more to clean up. He made it to the top, walked out to the end of the sail, and untangled the rope like it was nothing. Either this kid was fearless, or just plain stupid. He grabbed the rope and swung down and continued his work like it was nothing. "You!" I bellowed over the men as they untied the ship from the dock. The boy looked over curiously and sprinted over.7
"Yes sir?" he asked polity, yep, defiantly just stupid. 8
"What's your name boy?"9
"Cody, Cody Lark." How much less piratey could he get.10
"How many years do you have on you?"11
"17, 10 at sea," he replied.12
Huh, kids been on a boat since he was seven, parents must have been rich.13
"Why are you here?" I asked.14
"Missed the sea, and land life is dull, a treasure hunt is just what I need," he replied, running his hand through his shaggy mahogany hair before replacing it by his side, fidgeting as soon as it was down. He was lying, he had to be, everyone knew that by being here you practically had a death wish.15
"Can you swim boy?"16
"I could swim next to the ship and keep up if you want me to," he said, his cobalt blue eyes daring me to say yes. He turned his head slightly, revealing a faded scar under his left jaw bone. 17
The ship jolted as we pushed off from the docks and the wind caught the sails. 18
"Alright, jump in," I said, if he couldn't do it he'd either be left behind or crawl back in, either way, it was no skin off my back.19
"Ok." He took a running start and flew off, doing a double flip before landing in the water. Showboater.20
[Cody]21
I flew into the water, throwing the captain a double flip as I entered the water. Why not, I was already off the ship. I swam easily next to the ship. I had been born a swimmer, my father had done this to me since I was 10, making me keep up with the ship, and if I couldn't he'd pull me back in, make me do deck and rigging work, then throw me back in. He'd continue this for hours until he was satisfied that I was trying my hardest. Obviously we didn't have the normal father-son relationship, but he was right, I appreciate it now. 22
I began to pick up my pace as we left the cove and I started thinking about the adventure to come. Number 54. It was a piece of the puzzle that had the entire world in a frenzy to get all 69 pieces. So far only 28 had been found, though which 28 nobody was really sure. 69 people had clues to where their piece was hidden, but they all had friends and family that knew, and one of them was sure to be a pirate of some sort, and if they weren't before they are now. Only a pirate is fiendish enough to go after the pieces, for only an ignorant fool would look otherwise. If the piece were united, the uniter would be all powerful, they would know everything, about everyone, all the time. They would have the most brilliant mind in the world and powers second only to God himself. Assuming there is a God, I thought. You could never be sure these days. 23
The boat sped up to about 7 knots, the waves began to spring up. Now we were getting up to my speed. I'd learned to love a challenge, and a new ship was just what I needed. The captain looked down at me, frowning, his wild brown-grey hair flying around his coal black eyes. I wasn't sure why, but they unnerved me. Something told me this was more than a test of my abilities, like he had been waiting for me. 24
[Capt. Swag]25
As the sun began to set I threw a rope over for the boy. He had been swimming for nearly 5 hours I guessed, and he was still up with the ship. I watched as he grabbed hold and pulled himself up. One of the crew men walked over to help him. I put my arm out to stop him. The boy could do it on his own. This was a rare one. An incredible swimmer and climber to be sure, he might be just the one they're waiting for.26
He hauled himself over the banister and stood there, soaking wet, staring at me as if waiting for his next order. 27
"Not bad, now hurry up and eat, there's more work to be done," I said, and walked into my cabin. I shut the doors and locked them, blinds as well. Opening the drawer in the bottom right hand corner I took out a small rock, about the size of my palm, and gave it a light squeeze. An image appeared on the smooth surface and a man with dark skin and curly black hair came into view.28
"So, what news from below?" he asked in a deep, commanding voice, his midnight blue eyes prying at me.29
"I think I've found him."30
[Cody]31
In the dinning hall all of the other men avoided me, my gaze, my person, everything. I tried not to notice it to much, but I couldn't help it. Swag had done this intentionally I'm sure, but still there was something more than a treasure hunt going on here. But I couldn't be bothered with it right now, there were more important things, like sleep. No matter how many times I did this I was always exhausted afterwords. 32
I snarfed down my meal of something resembling porridge, though, on a ship, you never knew. I walked up the stairs, my feet still bare and my clothes only now beginning to stick to my salt encrusted skin. I looked around to find something to do. A scrawny dark haired boy, around my age, was scrubbing the deck, no doubt ordered to by another man who was now drunk in a corner cradling a bottle of rum.33
"Need some help there?" I asked the boy.34
"Grab a brush," he said indifferently.35
I kneeled down next to him and began scrubbing.36
"So," he began obviously wanting to talk to someone, "You're the swimmer aren't you." 37
"Um, yeah, why?" 38
"How did you learn to swim so fast?" he asked curiously. 39
"My dad would throw me over board and I had to do the same thing," I said, trying not to boast or create pity. 40
"Wow, harsh."41
We scrubbed in silence for another few minutes before he came up with more questions.42
"Why are you here?"43
"If your father threw you overboard every day would you stay?"44
"Hmm."45
After an hour of scrubbing we stopped, if someone thought we had done a crappy job they could do it themselves. 46
We walked down to the sleeping hammocks and I hopped in easily. Happy to finally get some rest. 47
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" a grizzly voice spat into my ear. 48
"Sleeping," I said smartly.49
"Not anymore," and he dumped me onto the floor. 50
"That's my bed, you can sleep there," he said.51
"Actually, it's mine, now back off," I said sharply.52
"Oh yeah, and what makes it yours? I don't see your name on it."53
"And I doubt you could spell yours. Now it's mine, so go find one that could support your weight, oh wait, I don't think that's possible," I said smiling. It was true, his girth was immense and his face covered in a messy brown beard.54
"Why you little," he said, about to take a swing at my head. 55
I ducked easily and waited for the next swing. He turned to try to take another swing, only to find that he had missed me again. He soon began to tire and collapsed on the floor. I put my foot on his heaving chest, "I win."56
I hauled myself back into the hammock and slept.57
~~~58
I woke up to the pleasant sound of a cow bell ringing in my ear and a sharp flip out of my bed and onto the floor. 59
"Land!" I heard someone shout from above. There was a surge towards the small opening and everyone fought to get out first. I saw the scrawny boy leaping for the opening. I caught him by the shoulder and pulled him out of the way. 60
"Relax, we'll see it soon enough, by the way, I never got a chance to introduce myself, Cody, Cody Lark," I said plesantly.61
"Shane...Smith," he replied. 62
The surge thinned and we made our way up. 63
It was a small island of white sand and green trees surrounded by perfect blue water. Someone grabbed me from behind and dangled me over the railing. 64
"So, you want to swim today?" a familiar grizzly voice asked.65
"Sure, I could use the wake up," I replied happily. This was not the reaction that this guy wanted, and I knew it, in fact, I planned it. The man yanked me back in and threw me to the deck. My chin nearly caught the railing as he did and my head slammed painfully against the deck. I kept my eyes shut for a moment to let my head clear. I felt foot steps coming at me and opened my eyes in time to see his hulking figure barrel down on me. I rolled to escape but left my right arm behind. I heard the deafening crack before the blinding pain. 66
"What the hell's going on here?" a voice called.67
The pressure released and I tried to pull my arm in towards me and was met by a searing pain. 68
"It's broken fer sure," someone said.69
"Get me two straight pieces of wood and some strips of cloth for a splint," a familiar voice said, though I couldn't name it just then. I felt someone lift my arm, again causing considerable pain, then putting it down on a dry piece of wood. Another piece was place on top and tied tightly against my arm. I clenched my teeth to keep from gasping. Someone pulled me up and brought me down to the hammocks and helped me into one. 70
I lay there, looking at the ceiling, thinking about what to do once I was on land. I felt my bones slowly migrating back into place. Again I was thankful for my healing abilities. I could heal breaks and major injuries quickly, but for some reason, I couldn't heal them if I had any metal in a wound. It was like metal disabled my cells ability for rapid regrowth, but that was just a theory. It was weird though because my body still aged normally, I just was able to heal bones faster. But it wasn't really anything special, or it didn't used to be. It was part of my race, the Reshna. We were characterized by a star shaped birthmark on our left wrist. It was a trait only carried by the females, but it wasn't always passed along. We are all incredible swimmer, anything that has to do with water we're better than any normal human. We could all heal injuries, though my abilities were more limited than others, and we were all good fighters. In a match between a Reshna and a human, the Reshna would win hands down. Same in a swimming race, or running for that matter. We weren't super fast, just faster than normal. My being a Reshna was one of the reasons my father threw me over board every day, he knew I could take it, and he wanted me to be the best that I could be. I noticed my bones had stopped shifting and the pain was gone. I would leave the splint on to humor them, I decided.71
[Swag]72
The boy should be healed by now, I thought to myself. He was a Reshna for sure, and the star on the inside of his wrist proved it. He left it out for a brief moment when I got to him after the man landed on his arm before pulling it in. I threw the man in the brigs, he should be happy there for the next few days. 73
The island came closer and closer. The wind began to pick up and the waves slammed against the ship. Cody came up the stairs silently and stood next to me. 74
"Is that where it is?" he asked.75
"You tell me," I said cryptically, and walked away. 76
I took out my telescope and searched the island for trouble. And, after about three minutes of searching, found none. Perfect. If I was lucky the boy could go down tonight. Maybe our fair fortune would last long enough for at least that. 77
[Cody] 78
We explored the island all day. Shane and I stuck together. We searched for and hint that something unnatural was there, any clue to number 54. We kept a lookout for food as well, but number 54 was our main concern. As the sun began to set we took off towards the ship again. I kept my pace down and stayed beside Shane. The rest of the crew had already set up camp. After a hearty dinner of bananas, I found a patch of sand to sleep in. 79
I had just barely fallen asleep when someone woke me up.80
"Wake up boy," the Captain whispered.81
"Hm ah, wha?" I mumbled confusedly.82
"Follow me," he said walking towards the water, stripping down to his pants as he went. I took off only my shoes before running in after him. What is this crazy man up to? Why are we swimming out? This makes absolutely no sense. 83
The water was pleasantly cool against the air and we started swimming. About four hundred meters and ten minutes later he stopped and pulled a perfectly smooth rock out of his pocket. He shook it twice and suddenly, the waves changed. Something was coming up, and it was huge. I started backstroking away, what the hell was this? Some kind of fish? It burst through the water, a huge, sword-like nose sliced up through the water and a large body and fin followed. It looked like the frame of and unfinished swordfish, but something was different. Not so much the fish, but the water around it. I swam over to it and noticed the water around it seemed, lighter, but that was impossible. There was no way that something this, well, to put it bluntly, pathetic. 84
"Well, get on," he said. 85
"Get, on it, what, why?"86
"Don't you want to find it?" he asked.87
"Find what?" I asked, surly he didn't mean 54.88
"54, it's below."89
"Below where?"90
"Well, nobody's really sure, nobody except for me that is."91
I hauled myself up onto the top of the giant wooden fish, which was no small task. The old man beat me to the top. After a few minutes of him laughing and me struggling up he finally took pity on me.92
"Did you ever consider asking for help?" he asked93
"Asking who?" I asked, you?94
"Why the fish of course," he said grinning, obviously enjoying my confusion. 95
"Um, fish can you give me a hand?" the water around me became denser and began raising me into the air. Swag must have done the same thing on the other side where I couldn't see him. Sneaky.96
I finally got on and sat in front of the old man. 97
"Ok, so what now?" I asked.98
"Hold your breath, and no matter what happens, don't breath in water or let go. If you let go to deep the pressure will crush you. Also, if you breath in the water, you will drown and die," he said. Great, sounds like fun. Either hold your breath and hang on or die. The old man jumped off suddenly.99
"Hey, where are you going?" I shouted at him, getting ready to jump off myself.100
"Back to shore, we take off in about five days, make sure you're back by then," he shouted back. What the hell, I don't even know where the hell I'm going!101
"Hey, how do I start going?"102
"Hang on, and hold your breath! It knows what to do!"103
I strapped around the back bone of the fish thing and held my breath. The fish thing dipped down and I was again submersed in water, only this time I was going faster than I had ever imagined possible. I kept my eyes opened just enough to see the blurred outline of the ocean floor and the creatures that lived there. My eyes and lungs started burning as we traveled deeper and deeper into the deepest depths of the ocean. My lungs were shrinking and my eyes burned with salt and speed. I caught a glimpse of something bright orange with some black strand of rock or something in the upper right corner, and we were hurtling straight for it. 104
[Kyler]105
Alarms sounded and everyone sprang to life. Was this one for real? I thought anxiously. We never got to see the people from below, though it's said they look just like us, but that's impossible. They live underwater, they must have gills or scaly skin or something weird on them. I reluctantly tugged a short sleeved shirt on over my under garments, it was to hot to sleep in more than that, and some ill-fitting shorts and ran out of my room. The men were all armed in case this was for real, though they were all pretty relaxed. A huge crowed gathered around the opening in the ground which, supposedly, led to the world below. Something started bubbling up and the crowed moved in closer. 106
"Shit," I whispered, either this was for real or they really went all out on this drill. A huge wooden fish looking thing jumped out of the water and a figure on its back gasped for breath. That's strange, I thought, he looks, normal. He can't though, he lives underwater. He started coughing violently, must be drowning in air or something. His mahogany hair hid his face and his tan arms shook as he tried to support himself. 107
"Back up everyone!" a voice commanded from behind the crowd. The commander pushed through, his dark arms pushing people out of the way and his curly black hair bounced around as he pushed through, shoving me out of the way. 108
"Did Swag send you down here?" he shouted at the boy. 109
"Yeah," he said, his voice rough and laced with confusion. 110
"Hello, I'm Commander Zand, welcome to Quia'in." That was strange, the commander was never this welcoming, and who was Swag?111
"Um, hi," he said, looking up, revealing a slightly crooked nose framed by discrete high cheek bones and a slightly clefted chin. He jumped down off the fish thing into the water and swam to the edge of the mini lake. He pulled himself up and walked to the Commander.112
"Cody Lark, I was told that there was something down here," he said, his pale red lips barely moving as he spoke. What was he talking about. 113
"Well, good luck finding it, in the mean time, it's late, Kyler!" he shouted to me. I pushed through to the Commanders side. 114
"Yes?"115
"There's an extra bed in your room right?" he asked.116
"Yes," I said.117
"Ok, then you will stay in Kyler's room tonight," he said to Cody.118
"Oh no, it's fine, I wouldn't want to intrude," he said.119
"You did that just be coming here, might as well make yourself comfortable while you're here. And what kind of pirate are?" Commander asked.120
"A different breed of pirate," he said, flicking his left wrist slightly to reveal a star shaped birthmark. That was odd, I thought as I looked down at my own wrist where the same birthmark was imprinted. 121
"Ok, come on, 'night dad," said to the Commander. Cody looked momentarily shocked before following me. 122
As soon as we were into the hallways that surrounded our world the interrogation began. 123
"Why are you here?" I asked bluntly.124
"To find number 54."125
"What's that?"126
"Nobody knows, my turn," he said, looking at me with penetrating cobalt blue eyes.127
"Can you swim and run faster than most of the people here?" he asked. That was a strange question. 128
"Um, yeah, I guess," I said, trying to think beck to the last time had lost a race, which was never.129
"How old are you?"130
"17, my turn. What is the world below like?" 131
"Much more open than this one, with huge bodies of water that stretch out beyond the horizon with a bright blue sky to meet it."
Author notes
I am adding to it, but I think this is enough for right now. I don't have the list function so sorry about the length, please comment!
A contest entry
- Fanstasy by poetry is soul.
325 points, ended December 7, 2008, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything! by NinjaMegami.
180 points, ended November 28, 2008, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything that you can think of (no sex or content like that) by Tomotsu.
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• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like it
I don't think it matters what genre it is >.>
You do need to edit a bit, but once you're done this will be quite awesome xD
Eph -
I did have a problem figuring out if this is a Science Fiction or Historical Fantasy.
Hello Kaira, you have a terrific gift for maintaining a plot, developing your characters and showing the action and scenery while holding the reader’s interest
.
The style of showing the activity by labeling the new POV with that character’s name, is a useful tool.
I really like your tale.
I did have a problem figuring out if this is a Science Fiction or Historical Fantasy. You could help by explaining where we are at the beginning—like a Alien World
Next problem—it needs to be edited. Some of the changes I pointed out are simple mechanics that make reading easier.
Then too, the length--you don’t need the list function. Simply post the title and put a number after it like 54-1, 54-2 and your reader will know it continues in the next post.
Okay Geri –shut up!
Here are some things to look at:
This is rediculous, (ridiculous)
"Move you scum! Or I'll throw you over board!" (needs a tag like, The first mate threatened or I yelled, you need to tell who.)
(Then drop to the next paragraph with this.
Their pace picked up and soon they were all aboard. The newbies asking and watching, trying to figure out what to do.)
(need a new paragraph here) One of the boy (boys) certainly didn't need help though, he was scampering up the pole to release one of the sail (sails), the rope was stuck. Idiot, he was probably going to fall and them (then)we'd have more to clean up.3)
Huh, kids (kid’s—meaning kid has) been on a boat since he was two, parents must have been rich.10
He was lying, he had to be, everyone knew that by being here it was practically a death wish.12 (everyone knew that by just being here you practically had a death wish.)
New paragraph here ; The boat sped up to about 7 knots, the waves began to spring up.
One of the crew men (crewmen) walked over to help him up. You are over using the word up—in some cases like here it isn’t necessary.
In the dinning hall all of the other men avoided me, my gaze, my persons,(my person) everything.
I could heal breaks and major injuries quickly, but for some reason, I couldn't (heal?) them if, say a cut, had any metal in it. "
Wake up boy," the captain (Captain) whispered.77
Also, if you breath it (in) the water, you will drown and die," he said.
Ran out of time. I did read through and except for corrections it coming fine.
It’s a great story and deserves to be edited and finished. I hope you decide to do both.
Geri


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Zomg, I only got partway, and I might not get time to finish reading it until a couple weeks away (when school finally finishes
Hope that's ok! Dx
However, what I've read is friggin awesome! Your description is great, along with your vivid characters and interesting concept. I'm very, very impressed! ^^
Lol, Smith is seems obviously not to be Shane's real name ^^ I wonder why?
This sentence was a little awkward: 'I could heal breaks and major injuries quickly, but for some reason, I couldn't them if, say a cut, had any metal in it.' The bit where it says, 'I couldn't them if' is the confusing bit. Maybe you could rearrange that sentence a bit? or say, 'I couldn't do so if'? Hummm, so you could change it to, 'I could heal breaks and major injuries quickly, but for some reason, I could do so if the wound had any metal in it'? Or something? Meh. Just a suggestion ^^
Okeee, I'm up to par. 100. I shall return!
AWESOME WORK!!!!
Eph

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sorry username: Kaira2
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very cool. i like it. im really interested in this story. i like the cody character, he really caught my attention. lol. i would love to read more, so please let me know if you have more, or when you write more. very good job, and keep up the good work! (By the way, could you please add your name your AN so that i know you do not enter more than three times?)

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