"Hey, Ryan," Jess said happily, walking toward his locker, her arms cradling a few books in her arms.1
Ryan looked up into her intense emerald eyes. Her lips were curved in a slight smile, and her hair tumbled down to her back, a strand of honey-colored hair tied in a scrunchy.2
"Hi," he greeted. His heart thumped in his chest. He shut his locker gently.3
"So," she began, "you know Jake?"4
"The one you talk about all the time?" Ryan guessed playfully. His put his history book on top of his locker.5
"Yeah," Jess replied dreamily. "And...Guess what happened today?"6
"You-"7
"Wait!" Jess interrupted. "I wanna tell you before you guess!" Her eyes were shining excitedly. "He asked me if I wanted to go out sometime! And guess what I said?"8
Ryan stood there, frozen. Everything was happening in slow motion. He tried to say something, anything, but his voice refused to make a sound. He closed his eyes, trying to regain feeling.9
"Ryan?" Jess's voice seemed distant, in another world. "Ryan, you okay?"10
"Yeah," Ryan said weakly, his eyes flying open.11
"Want me to take you to the nurse?" Jess offered worriedly. "You don't look so well."12
"I'm fine," Ryan said. "So....This is your first boyfriend, right?"13
"Shut up!" she said, laughing. "He's not my boyfriend!...yet."14
Ryan grabbed his textbook.15
"Let's go," Ryan said, his voice strained. His heart was pounding in his chest violently. He was afraid Jess might hear it, but her eyes were glazed over, ignoring the world.16
"Mmm."17
"I'll meet up with you, okay, Jess?" Ryan leaned on his locker.18
"Are you okay?" Jess asked, coming back to Earth.19
"I'm fine," Ryan replied reassuringly. "I just need time to think."20
Jess gave him a funny look, but walked away, her footsteps fading into tiny echoes.21
Ryan inhaled Jess's perfume that had lingered next to his locker. His fingertips were tingling, but his heartbeat had slowed down and he regained feeling of his stomach.22
"Jess," he whispered. He closed his eyes, just as the bell above his locker rang off, the chimes lost into the slight smell of Jess's perfume.
Author notes
Short. T0T Oh well. http://www.ponandzi.com/image.php?img=1
Option 1
A contest entry
- Picture Prompts *yay* by EZlats.
400 points, ended November 8, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Love Stories by On.Cue.
360 points, ended December 13, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This was so sad.. but well written! Ryan should have told her right when she said about her boyfriend. He should have told her how he really felt about her, and why he was acting so weird. Great job!
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Thank you.
I'm thinking of adding a bit more to this...but I dunno. 
Hmmmmmmm. And change the background. o.o Yes, I was about to ramble. On and on and on and on. Sometimes it happens. It's like sha-BAM, you look like an idiot now, Lyra. BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE. Wait. Sorry. I'll be quiet now. 
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This is good but has potential to achieve more. I like the storyline. Keep working on it =)
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Thank you. I might go back and add more later on. But the contest will be over by then, so I'll just do it for fun.
Good luck with your contest. ^-^
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Poor guy
I feel bad for him. The sad thing is that he almost certainly loves her so much more than the guy who asked her out. He should have spoken up sooner. Of course it sounds as if they were best friends and since she was always talking about this other guy he probably couldn't find the courage and was afraid he would ruin their friendship if he did. Keeping her as a friend was better than losing her entirely, that is until...
In the very beginning I spotted something that I thought should be changed because it's redundant. This line: her arms cradling a few books in her arms. You should either drop {her arms} from the beginning or {in her arms} from the end. I'd take out the first if it was me. I would have enjoyed it even more if it was longer. Maybe more of how he dealt with having to deal with it. Listen to how the date was planned and maybe even hearing how the date itself went. Nothing would be more torture for this poor guy than to listen to every little detail of what happened on the date. Of course he will be there so she can cry on his shoulder if or when the other boy breaks her heart.
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Hm. Good ideas. Maybe I'll work on this more.
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I don't think you really need that last little bit of "if only you knew that I loved you." I think just him saying "Jess" and that last little bit would've been better. I might've liked to see more of this story unfold though. It was written very well. So sad
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Thank you! I'll fix that part. I thought something was wrong there, too, but I didn't know what. o.o
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poor Ryan...
lol, nice job inky and good luck wit hthe contest!!
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Inky, lmao. ^-^ Good luck with your life!
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hey what am i supposed to call you? i could call you Lyra, like it says on your page... ill stick with both, inky
and thanks.
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