Hallie, Chapter One

It was really freaky, I mean, what just happened. Yesterday, I reached up to turn the lamp off. As soon as it was dark and I lifted my fingers off the knob, the strangest and most horrid thing happened. Kinda weird, but, yeah, okay, I think a GHOST came carrying a pocketknife around and swung it near the same lamp. Why would a ghost want to do that? Well, a regular pocketknife wouldn’t come swinging around and open up suddenly. 1

It’s now nighttime and I can’t get to sleep. Same as last night, no Z’s at all! I feel really crappy. Tomorrow is Monday and I have high school with Retta and Leisse.2

Before I go on with my story, let me tell you who I am. I should start with my name. I’m Hallie Whinestone and I’m fifteen. Really close to being sixteen. I live in Cincinnati. Ohio is kinda like most states because half is suburbs, a fourth is city and the last fourth is open country. I take in the suburb area. It’s pretty nice because you get a little mixture of fresh air and room from the country but some…no, a LOT of friendly or not-so-friendly neighbors. I have a half acre of yard and the same for my house. My friends all live far away and we all have a long bus ride to school. Many schools have around three hundred students but ours has over one thousand eight hundred. That’s where the city comes in. Okay, back to—3

The ghost. I couldn’t see it, so I suddenly said, in this creepy voice that even scared myself, “Show yourself.”4

“Okay,” said the voice, which sounded like a guy’s voice, and so when he did show himself, he was so hot! He had this really cute blond shaggy hair that looked like it had been blown in the wind, but it was staying in place. And he had the softest, bluest eyes I had seriously ever seen.5

I am really the biggest dork. I said, I actually said, “Wanna go out sometime?”6

I SAID THAT!7

And the ghost just kinda went, “Um. Well. You see…not, um, not really.”8

Before I could say something really dorky again, it dawned on me, and it was REALLY sad, what I realized. And if you’re like, huh?, well, the ghost couldn’t go out with me because, well, he was kinda…DEAD. Yup. If I did go on a date with him, the people around me would be like, um, are you talking to yourself?9

“I’m sorry,” I apologized hastily. “I just kinda realized that you’re…”10

The dude sighed. “Yeah, most of the ones who can see me are a little shocked also.”11

“So,” I murmured, “What, actually, happened?” I think he could tell I was still nervous that he was a ghost. Seriously, why had he been so freaky and now so…hot??12

“A…wait, huh?” He’d no clue. 13

“Who killed you?”14

I hoped it wouldn’t be too personal. “How did you know that somebody…?”15

“Assumption.” I said quickly. I figured it wouldn’t be good to point out to him that he had an obvious crimson gash slitting through his muscular jugular.16

“Oh, a friend did.” He saw my confused look. “A very daring popular, peer-pressure-type kid. Just a week ago. I hate the fact ghosts can’t eat anything. I miss food even though I can’t get hungry.” I said nothing. He was killed just a week ago? That meant the “friend” could come around the corner any second to kill somebody else.17

“So what happened to him?” I breathed.18

“He died shortly after. I got him back as a ghost. Don’t take it wrong; I am not a murderer or anything like that. I wish I had my life back. He deserved it!” He looked sad even though on the outside he was trying to cover it up with anger. 19

I tried to keep it short from then on. “Two more questions. What’s with the pocketknife and what happened… I mean, where’s the killer person now?”20

“Just in case the ghost of him comes back – he’s still around I guess.”21

GUESS?? Does he not know this is serious?22

“Well, yeah, okay. Two other questions might I ask?” I quietly said.23

“Shoot.” Funny, ghost humor.24

“Um, well, uh, what’s your name?”25

“Jesse. Jesse Darlington.”26

“Okay. And, um, did you have a gir-girl-f-friend?” I stuttered.27

“Oh, yeah.” Jesse kicked the wall and bits of drywall flickered to the ground. “Key word is did, though, Hallie.”28

“You know my name?” I practically screeched.29

“Well, yeah, I always spy on cute girls.” Now, that was sweet, but kinda, ew, pervish.30

Jesse must’ve seen my disgusted yet flattered face, so her assured me, “Not that kind. And lemme guess, your two best friends are Retta and Leisse…true?”31

“Uh, yeah, but, um, how did that dude, I mean, um, why…?”32

“Long story, but it involved girls.” Jesse summed it up.33

“Ah,” I said. “Mmmm, I’m freezing!” I warmed my goose-bumpy arm with my even colder hands.34

Jesse said, “I’m not.” So he randomly put his arms around me and wrapped. Eeack! 35

“Thanks,” I said shyly.36

“Can I ask you a question?” Jesse whispered into my ear.37

“Sure,” I said back, feeling warmer than ever.38

“Do you have a boyfriend?”39

“No.” I glowered at the maroon carpet. Pretty as I may be, I was always, you know, unfortunate in the boy department. 40

“Wonderful.”41

“Didn’t you say we couldn’t go on a date?”42

“If you want to, well, screw what I said.” Jesse mumbled.43

“So it’s a date?” Even dorkier! I did a half jump at what I said.44

“Yep.”45

This was great – a really hot guy that liked me. Only problem was what he was involved with.46

“Billy Forknord might get jealous again.” He said quietly and began to turn from perfect caramel tan to guacamole pale. 47

“That’s the bad guy’s name,” I mumbled ungrammatically. My stomach flipped and I got dizzy. For the worst part of that I had the urge to run to my plastic trashcan and hurl. Well, dying’s something to barf over.48

“Hallie plus Jesse sounds way better than Hallie plus Billy.” He smiled as if Billy were right there and was being offended by that fact.49

“Yep,” I said. But I was too queasy to think about communication. I was too busy trying not to puke.50

“I’m really sorry, Hal, but let’s say goodbye for now. I’m gonna search for Billy. Wonder if he still goes to school?” He laughed and told me not to worry about him or Billy, for that’s what he was trying to do. I liked the idea of Billy, not near us. Anyone would, after all. Then, anyway, he turned back to his awesome transparency and soared off out into the open window and disappeared into the night sky.51

WOW. What a night. The freakiest think is not really scary, but just freaky. He had left the pocketknife on the windowsill and left a note on it. “You can keep it. May come in handy.” Although hot, I’d have to admit Jesse is pretty strange. Well, he’d been through a lot. “I don’t care if my homework isn’t done,” I told myself. “I just want to stay living.” 52

Good night.53

Somehow I knew that the best thing would be to keep my mouth totally shut about Jesse, but I knew that would be hard. He was just so hot!54

“Hal. Hal!” Leisse snapped her fingers in front of my zoned-out face. The funny thing was that I had my chili dog poised in front of my gaping mouth, even though I wasn’t looking at – ohhh, great.55

“OHMYGOSH!” Retta squealed. “You like him!!!” 56

I pretended that I had no idea who they were talking about, even I knew perfectly well that they were speaking of Matt Davidheiser, who was supposedly the hottest jock in the school. Great, now they thought I was in love with a ghost. Incredibly hot ghost, I might add.57

So I said, “Yup.”58

They were so not expecting that. They were expecting me to be all, “Noo! Nuh-uh!” And I said that because of that, and to protect my love for Jesse, so they would never find out about him.59

“Okaaaay.” Leisse blinked.60

“Don’t you think he’s cute?” I asked.61

“Sure, but oh wait! Have you asked him out yet?”62

I shook my head She gave me a half-smile as if to say, “Then go ahead.” I just half-smiled back and shrugged.63

“What if he rejects it?”64

“So what? That’s the worse thing that could happen.” Retta smirked.65

“Okay.” I lied. And actually pretended he said no when I asked. You know that I really didn’t. I would be partially laughed at for him vetoing the ask-out, but I’d rather make him say no than yes because what if they asked me questions, and how would I respond if I really never talked to Matt, and what if they got the bravery to talk to him about me and when we were going out and all that crap.66

“Aww, I feel bad for you,” Retta whispered.67

“Don’t.”68

“We’ll make him say yes.” Leisse had her hands knotted in fists.69

“I’m pretty fine, Leisse!” I walked away, out of the cafeteria. 70

I got out to the empty hallway and trotted over to my locker. “Jesse?” I called.71

There was no answer. He was probably still looking for Billy. I saw the knife floating again, pretty sudden thing.72

“Jess?” I asked.73

“I’m not Jesse!” A creepy laugh rang from underneath the pocketknife.74

I trembled at the sound. Something didn’t seem right. “Who are y--?” My stomach did a greater flip.75

“I think you know perfectly well who I am,” the voice echoed back.76

“Billy? I thought so…” I made a run to the door, but the pocketknife headed through the door to right in front of me. I automatically stopped and gasped.77

“Listen, Hallie, I’m not going to hurt you. Unless,” he paused. I was fully listening, desperate to live. The ceramic knife with a steel blade wasn’t exactly what I wanted to have my dead flesh on. 78

“Unless you go out with weak ol’ Jesse.” He finished.79

“What? He’s weak? Is this a trick? Huh?” I was ad lib.80

“Don’t ask questions like that! Go out with me.”81

“Is that a compliment?”82

“Noo…it’s an order.”83

I chuckled. “As if!” On a whim, I took my collector’s edition Chucky doll from Child’s Play out of my locker and sicced it on him.84

“Ooh, scary. I’ve seen worse.” Billy said.85

I got so fed up with him that I stole the knife from him and stabbed it through his chest. Once. Twice. Three times (thrice??) and there was still no blood! That’s when it dawned on me. Ghosts can kill humans but humans can’t kill ghosts. Actually, I thought, probably nothing can kill ghosts. Wish it was reverse. 86

“Nice try, Barbie!” Billy cackled, grabbing his precious knife back from me. He tried to stab me, once…twice…three times…but I dodged it each time. “You fooled me this time, girlie, but I’ll get you, my pretty!”87

“And my little dog, too?” I said sarcastically.88

“Funny,” Billy evaporated.89

Author notes

I really like this story, so should I continue?? Kinda like Twilight, with a ghost in place of a vampire.

A contest entry

So...should I continue??

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • I like this and think you should continue. Even though the girl appears desperate she still very much has feelings for Jesse. lolz (sorry to write in slang I didn't know any other way to put it) The Chuckie doll was weird I didn't expect that.


  • His.Golden.Eyes
    February 26
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    ...

  • An interesting concept really but it seems to rant in some places and you overuse your 'uhs,' and other sound like bits in conversation, also it was a bit jump and hard to follow. Still an interesting consept though. Thank you for entereing my contest and good luck.


  • Tricia3 gold member
    February 4

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    definetly

    #3 I [take] in the suburb area?
    #31 so [her] assured me [he]
    #52 freakiest [think] thing
    I read the whole thing and this is all the errors I could find.
    Your story is very interesting and very easy to read. I definetly think you should continue with it. The dialogue is really good, but will there be anything but dialogue? I think a little descriptive lines interspersed with the dialogue would help a lot, but your dialogue is exceptional.
    Good job and keep writing
    Trish

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • emilyxox
    December 30, 2008

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    Wonderful!
    This beginning is not slow at all.
    I really liked the beginning it hooked me right in.


  • beezy92
    November 23, 2008

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    I like the idea. The whole girl and ghost romance thing it's a really good idea and I think you can go further with it. There were a lot of "um's" and "uh's" which made it sounds sort of like a phone conversation. Maybe you could do it in diary form? Anyway, keep working on it! Nice start.


  • Bullet.Name
    November 23, 2008

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    OMG

    I loved this.

    It went super fast. But still, it was amazingly spectactualr!!!!

    My adivce though, slow down some and add more detail.

    Other then that you go girl!!!


  • Friesian
    November 22, 2008

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    Hehehehe!!!

    ROFLMFAO!!!! I LOVE this! It's so damn funny and the humor is amazing!!! LOL!!! I really like the idea of going out with a ghost!!! really creative and original! Great job! Lissy is hooked!!!


  • Pixels
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I luff this!!!

1 - 12 of 12