FIRESONG [Chapter 3]

I don’t know how long I stayed on my bed, staring at the wall. I do know that about a million thoughts streamed through my head, jostling for space and attention.
Some of the thoughts were so mean that I was ashamed to think them. Things about Benny, things about James, some rumors that I had heard the past few months.
I’m not a mean person at heart. I like to think that a person is nice to the core until it’s proved otherwise, and that’s probably why Benny and I had been able to stay friends so long. There are lots of things that need forgiving, and I’m usually willing to forgive. Our friendship had survived thick and thin.
This time, though, it felt like a betrayal. No matter what had happened before, Benny had left the guys I liked alone. That doesn’t mean that by simply being in the room Benny didn’t distract them, but she had never actually outright gone for a guy that I liked. She was a good friend that way. She was always loyal.
This time she had crossed the line. I actually had a chance with this guy, and she had stolen him.
It crossed my mind a few times that James might just have been flirting for fun, or maybe he usually just hits on any girl that was near him at the time, but then I would wonder why, then, did he completely ignore Benny and go for me instead?
Crazily enough, the thought in my mind that was the clearest, was that my walls were amazingly boring to look at.
Maybe it’s in times of distress that your mind comes up with the most random thoughts.
I didn’t realize it, but tears were streaming down my face, and when some time later there was a gentle knock at my door, my pillowcase was soaked.
The click of my door opening was like a thunderclap in the silent room. My brother poked his head around the door, grinning, but once he saw my face he flung open the door and took my face in his hands.
“Who was it?” he asked, his face set, “Whoever it was, they’re going to get a beating.”
I smiled through my tears. My brother might not understand the thing about my grades, but he definitely is always there when I need someone beaten up. Not that I’ve ever needed anyone beaten up.
“You know I would never ask you to beat someone up Mark,” I said.
“Yeah, but you don’t need to ask,” he said.
I sighed. If only it was that simple, I thought to myself. Overwhelmed with sadness, I threw my arms around Marks’ neck and buried my head in his shoulders.
“It’sallbeacauseofBennyandherstupidhotness – and – and – thewayshelooksathem – and – and – and – ohJamestoothestupidplayer!” I wailed, tears streaming ever more urgently down my face and soaking Marks’ sweater.
“What?” he asked, perplexed.
I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.
“You don’t have to worry about this shit,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt, “Girls think you’re hot.”
Mark dragged me away from his chest, looking at me incredulously. “Is that what this is about?” he asked.
Looking down, I shrugged.
“You don’t think you’re beautiful?” he asked in disbelief, “You don’t think I have to yell at my friends for staring at you and shit?”
“You know, all my friends always say that guys will stare at anything in a skirt – ”
“Only attractive things in skirts!”
“I don’t believe you. If I was pretty, he wouldn’t have done that thing and made me think something completely different than what’s real and then gone and asked her out!”
“Terra,” said Mark slowly, as if talking to a baby, “I know you’re upset, but you have to understand that I don’t actually know the whole story.”
I sighed again. I felt like crying forever, until I was just a dried out shell with no water left in it. “I’m just wondering why all the guys I like always fall for Benny,” I said.
“What does Benny have to do with anything?”
“It’s just… she can get any guys she wants since she’s so pretty, even guys that I think might like me - ”
“Oh gods, Terra. You are at exactly the same level of pretty as Benny, if not higher! You might think I’m obligated to say this kind of thing, since I’m your brother, but every word of it is true. You’re witty, beautiful, wonderful, and athletic – must I go on? You are just about anything a guy could hope for.”
“I’m stupid, ugly, and I’m no fun unless I’m drunk.”
“Listen to me Terra. I don’t understand why you’re being so gloomy. Every day you look in the mirror, and unless the rest of the world is seeing something different, you see the kind of face that would, at the risk of sounding clichéd, launch a thousand ships. Something must have happened, and I really wish you would tell me what. It would make it so much easier to beat up the jerk that made you think all this about yourself.”
“For the last time, I don’t want you to beat anyone up!”
“Did I mention that you’re too nice for your own good? That’s a trait that any guy would fall head over heels for.”
“Mark,” I said, staring, “I think you’ve reached record niceness.”
Mark smiled and got up.
“A bit of criticism is overdue, then, isn’t it?” he said, “You look horrible with tears running down your face. Your nose is all red.”
He held out a hand to help me up and I took it. All of a sudden, he flipped me over his shoulder. I gasped and hammered on his back.
“Mark Dasarian, you let me down right now!” I screamed. Mark just laughed, and keeping a tight grip on me, ran down the stairs. Once we got to the kitchen, he deposited me in a chair and smiled.
“Felling better?” he asked softly.
“Yeah,” I smiled, “Thanks.”
“Good,” said another voice. It was my mom again – she was standing in the doorway to the kitchen and smiling. “I’m not sure what that was all about, but I’m glad you’re okay, darling – now you two can set the table.”
I got up slowly and followed Mark, who was already pulling plates and glasses out of the cupboard. It was like making me feel better had made him really happy – at these moments especially, I was glad I had an older brother to look out for me.
I took the plates from Mark silently, and still sniffing a little, set them on the table. Then I got the forks and knives from the drawers and set them around the plates. Mark was putting the glasses around the plates and he looked up and caught my eye.
“Listen, Terra,” he whispered, “What you said about Benny always getting the guys that you like – what were you talking about?”
“Well, not always,” I whispered back, “Just today. There was this guy, but he ended up asking Benny out.”
Mark cocked his head to one side. “Was this when you were there?” he asked.
“No,” I shook my head, “She called and told me after I got home.”
“Hmmm,” said Mark, a weird look on his face, “Okay.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
I was about to answer when my mom turned around and glared at Mark and I.
“What are you two whispering about?” she asked suspiciously, “Anything you want to share?”
I looked up quickly, but Mark beat me to the answer. Luckily, he knew enough not to let mom on the situation – my mom loves Benny and won’t hear a word against her, ever.
“Nothing, mom. Just sibling stuff.”
“Hmm,” she said, still suspicious.
Happily, my dad walked through the door at that moment, letting in a gust of cold air. His scarf flapped in the wind. For a moment, he stood silhouetted in the doorway. The lamps from the street outside gave him a glowing coronet of light.
My dad was a big man, towering over everyone else with his broad shoulders and barrel chest. Unlike many men of his age, he had never gone to seed. He went to the gym every day and ate right – and he had charisma like no one could imagine. It was one reason why he mad such a good lawyer. People who met my dad liked him instantly. Everyone always saw his point of view.
Whenever my dad was around, my family never fought. Everything ran smoothly around him, like a fairy tale. The only exception was when we were talking about grades; to be precise, my grades. My dad, like just about everyone else in this world, didn’t understand why my grades weren’t always up to par.
At this moment though, everyone had forgotten about grades.
“Hey daddy,” I said cheerfully. Mark held up his hand in a gesture of manly greeting .
“How was work?” asked my mom as my dad was kissing her on the cheek.
“Oh, you know,” he answered, “Same old.”
He practically bounded towards Mark and me and enveloped us in a giant bear hug. He kissed the top of my head. I wondered why he was in such a good mood – and I got my answer all too soon.
“Report card day today! Let’s see those A’s!” he boomed.