Prologue 1
2
It all started in the paddock. In the trunk of my fathers Cadillac.3
If only he knew. Those words forever haunting.4
He had been there. In the long grass, sipping his Grandmothers homemade lemonade. Quenching his thirst for survival in the heat of the summer.5
He was my first, my last or so I hoped at the young age that I was.6
I remember laying in the dirt. The ants marching military like up my shoulders and down my arms. Their bites leaving rashes on my skin for the remainder of my time spent with him.7
I did not seem to mind. Too me they were as my mother called them; love bites and battle bumps. There too remind me of the compromises that we made for love.8
This was not my idea of love.9
He seemed to be the most genuine boy I had ever met. He had been Brought up in a well to do family, yet he had the personality of a farm boy. Rough and ready at heart; adventurous. Nothing his parents had raised him to be like.10
Behind everything he showed to the world, he was certainly something else when he was with me.11
I have always believed that was why I had fallen for him.12
Time seemed to pass in those days The days getting on. The months passing me by. It was years:before I ever saw him again.13
His charms had long disappeared in the absence, along with the boy I had been in love with so long ago.14
It was then I realized that their was no such occurrence of eternity and that no love would ever stand the great test of time.15
What was compromise?16
Was it definite departure when the going got tough? Or was it admitting to a lie you knew you could never live. No matter how hard you tried to force feed yourself.17
I closed the trunk that day. Rolling my sleeves up too enjoy the sunshine on my skin.18
I was only as I was being thrown about, my father rattling down the gravel road back to suburbia, did I realize that to compromise was to trust. To trust was to willing sacrifice all emotions with the denying knowledge that regardless of a man in love, all men where the same.19
They were defections of their own ego's, their own power, lust and greed. All men lived in a castle of their own. None were any different. They were all after the same forced desires.20
That was of course until I met Mr. Chase Foster and my perception on Mr. Defecto had become distorted.
Author notes
I'm going to try and submit my novel as I go along like last year.
I am seemingly happy with the prologue.
Keeping in mind this is my first draft and I just wanting to share my process.
Blair
In a list
Plot Please: Grammar, Spelling & Punctuation not ace: But feel free to critic
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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interesting. I cann't wait to read it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hm....very nice intro Blair, but...I'm a bit confused with the ants and romance aspect. o__O That threw me a bit. Also, in the end you mention Mr. Defecto, so now I'm kinda confused with the guy she liked and this other guy. But this is only the prologue so I'm cool with this.
Good luck if you're doing NaNoWriMo.
-HT
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I'll be honest up front; I'm not really into the romance genre, but am starting to read others romance stuff so I can add some elements to my own.
I did become interested in the story because of your contests about the characters, where they seemed fairly interesting. From the beginning this seems like it will be a very interesting piece and I will be reading more.
I know you said it needs some editing, so don't mind me while I nitpick.
And it is just the prolog so I probably shouldn't expect much.
So that said, I didn't really feel connected to this piece. It didn't grab me from the start and I didn't really have a real sense of who she is. I got the emotional part all right, you did very well with that, but beyond that I don't know her personality much. I have no idea what she looks like age, etc (which doesn't matter so much to me but I guess it does others in my experience). Setting is very unclear; where or even what time frame she's living in.
There seems to be quite a few fragmented segments. Not a big deal I do it all the time. but I just happened to notice them here for some reason.
There are also several places where seemingly random words are capitalized in the sentence, I don't know if this is done on purpose or not, but to me it's a little distracting. (example; p10 Brought up, p13 The days) In fact the second example the sentence in question doesn't make much sense to me. Maybe you meant to have a period before The?
And yes, even with all my nitpicking I enjoyed what I read.
Good luck with NaNoWriMo! You're off to a good start!
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Great Prologue
It was interesting. I liked how you explained the character's emotions throughout. How she thought about the person who broke her heart, thinking all guys would be the same until she met her true equal.You gave me a feel of what the story would be about.=)
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This is a really interesting start. I like the concept, really. It's kind of... backwards and unique in a way. It drew me in, despite the fact that it's got quite a few errors, but I've learned to read past them to see the writing beneath it, because God knows I make mistakes too. This is an intriguing start.
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Needs some editing to make some more sense in parts but I am enjoying this so far and am looking forward.
I am liking the plot, it has something good to lead upto and I want to read the rest!! Badly, we have written these together and now we can only keep going to develop these.
Keep going babe, amazing.
ebz
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