It was an extremely strange day because of the extremely strange weather. An extremely strange rain fell from the extremely strange sky. The sky glowed strangely because of its extremely strange sun which was an extremely strange green. Extremely strange pink stars twinkled brightly through the extremely strange purple clouds. The clouds caused an extremely strange glow on the extremely strange red leaves which rustled lightly in the extremely strange blue trees.
An extremely strange old man riding an extremely strange old mule pulled his extremely strange coat close to his extremely old body. “Come on Scarf!” He hollered at his extremely strange old dog. The extremely strange dog had stopped to sniff at an extremely strange creature. At the sound of the old man’s voice the creature scampered quickly away under an extremely strange bush. The strange dog spun and trotted to catch up.1
The strange old man turned to peer closely at the extremely strange path. The path was hard to see through the extremely strange golden rain. The rain now poured steadily from the extremely strange yellowish-green sky. Soon the old man could faintly make out an extremely strange curve in the extremely strange path. The curve meant he was almost safe and sound in his extremely strange home. Recognizing the curve in the path, Scarf became excited and eagerly ran ahead.2
The old man pulled his strange old coat tighter against his body. He tried to coax his muse into a trot. It did not work. The old mule plodded steadily around the curve to an extremely strange clearing. In the middle of the extremely strange clearing, was the extremely strange trio’s home. It was a beautiful place, even though it was extremely strange. The old man had removed the insides of three extremely large, extremely strange blue trees. They had grown together in an extremely strange way creating one extremely huge tree.3
The old man put his mule inside an extremely strange pen. The pen, which looked like a hill, surrounded an extremely strange branch of the trio’s home. The branch had grown, strangely, out of an extremely large root of the extremely strange trees. While the old man fed his old mule some extremely strange feed, from a strange bag which was hanging on the wall of the strange pen, Scarf excitedly barked an extremely strange bark.4
“What’s the matter?” The old man asked. 5
Scarf continued to bark and paw anxiously at the door of their home.6
“You’re acting extremely strange!” The old man told his dog.7
When the old man opened his door Scarf rushed inside, growling fiercely.8
“Shut up and leave me alone!” Shouted a startled young voice from inside the old man’s extremely strange home.9
The old man cautiously peered in. Inside his extremely strange home was the strangest thing he had seen in his entire life. Scarf sniffed curiously at the young creature’s bare foot.10
“Stop that!” The creature squealed.11
“Did he hurt you?” The old man asked.12
“No. It tickled!” The creature exclaimed.13
“What is tickled?” The old man asked, curiously.14
“It’s, well, I don’t know. It’s just a tickle, that’s all,” the creature said. “Haven’t you ever been tickled?” The creature asked.15
“Don’t know,” the old man said. “What’s tickled?” the old man asked again.16
“A tickle is a tickle.” The creature answered evenly.17
“Oh,” said the puzzled old man. “Do you have a name?” He asked.18
“Of course I do,” the creature said. “My name is Tommy.” The creature said.19
“That’s extremely strange.” The old man said.20
“Is not!” Tommy stated boldly. “What’s your name?” asked Tommy.21
“Well, now let me see...it’s either Trogg, or maybe Krogg, or could be Progg. Well it’s something like that.” The old man stammered slowly.22
“You don’t know what your name is?” Tommy asked in amazement.23
“So, you didn’t know what a tickle was and you just had one.” The old man mumbled.24
“I know what a tickle is!” Tommy blurted out. “I just can’t tell you what it is.” He finished quietly.25
“Where are you from anyway?” The old man asked to change the subject.26
“It’s a long story.” Tommy said, looking down at his hands.27
“I have time.” The old man replied calmly.28
“I was camping with my mom and dad,” Tommy began, “they told me not to wander too far. I didn’t, not really, not at first.” He explained.29
While Tommy spoke, the old man listened carefully.30
“Anyway, Mr. Frogg,” Tommy said.31
“My name is not Frogg!” The old man interrupted quickly.32
“You said it was something like that!” Tommy exclaimed.33
“It is, but it’s not Frogg. Go on with your story.” The old man urged.34
“I wanted a closer look at this little waterfall. It wasn’t far so I went to it. I got so hot from the walk I decided to stand under it and cool off.” Tommy told his story trying to remain calm. “When I stepped under it I slid into a hole.” He added tearfully. “I tried to climb out but the walls were slick and I kept sliding down. When I felt around I found a tunnel leading up out of the hole. I thought it would be a way back to camp.” Tommy explained. “But it wasn’t.” He cried. “There were a lot more tunnels. I was scared as I felt my around through the tunnels for a long time. I got real tired. When I sat down to rest I fell asleep.” Tommy sobbed. “When I woke up I was real scared. I didn’t remember where I was and it was very dark.” He said evenly. “Then I remembered and I was even more scared than before. I started feeling my way through the tunnels again. After awhile I saw light. I was glad because I thought I’d found my way back. But when I ran out of the tunnel I couldn’t believe my eyes.” Tommy explained carefully.35
“Why not?” The old man asked simply.36
“Because everything looked so extremely strange.” Tommy answered in surprise.37
“What do you mean looked extremely strange?” The old man asked, wrinkling up his forehead.38
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Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Hahaha. This is cute. I'm definately reading the rest!!
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That was funny!
Now, I'm just going out on a limb here but was there a particular word you tried to use a lot to increase the fun factor? I dunno maybe extremely? Lolz. Very original concept. I loved it.
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I'll admit, I found the extremely strange bit extremely trying after the first few instances. To the point where I simply stopped reading until I got to the dialog - which I felt was miles better. I can't say it made a lot of sense, but despite that it was fun and easy to follow. I wouldn't lose the intro, I'd just axe some of the repetition. A few instances of "extremely strange" will get your point across without making the reader grind their teeth, I think. All things in moderation, after all
Good job in any case
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The "extremely strange" bit might have been funny, but unfortunately, it really just seems to condescend to your readers. If it's a plot point, as your wrap-up seems to make it to be, then don't take it too far. You'll lose your readers' interest and alienate them from your story, which I'm sure is far from what you want to do.
Good luck!beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 2, ending: 2, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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Thank you
Truthfully I'm not sure how this assumes an air of superiority but I do understand what you are saying about losing the reader. I was a chance I took. As with any story many will love it or hate and just as many will feel the opposit. That is why in the Introduction there is a note to the reader letting them know that the use of extrememly strange tapers off. Thank you for taking the time to leave me your honest opinion. It is much appreciated.
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haha I guess I really can only say that this story is extremely strange.
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Thank you
I think? Yes. Thank you. Since it was meant to be Something Extremely strange that would be a compliment. So Thanks.
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AMAZING.ITS LIKE A TALE WRITTEN BY BARTON.
Very nice man,very nice. -
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Thank you
I'm afraid I don't know who that is. I will have to look for that author. I can tell it is a compliment and I appreciate that. Thanks again.
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This is so funny! As in the way you keep using 'extremely strange'. Thank you so much for giving me the link to this. The illustrations are good, they go really well.
Hey! No typos! Yay! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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Thank you
I'm glad you saw the humor in it. Wow! No typos. That's a first. He he he. I'm glad you like the illustrations. Thanks.
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...My head hurts now. @.@ Awesome story, though. ^-^ I might read your other ones now. Don't expect me to add a comment to everyone, though. That would be...extremely extreme. x3
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Ohh...I'm sorry I made your head hurt.
I don't expect individual comments. I just broke it up in case people didn't want to try to read it all at once. Thanks. -
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Omg, I was about a reply to my comment instead of yours. o.o I'm sorry you made me make my head hurt, too. ^-^ That was supposed to be more of a tongue-twister, but...Lmao. x3
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I'm ok if you're ok.
You don't need to apologize to me for apologizing to you when you didn't seem to really think I needed to apologize to you in the first place...Oh wait you weren't apologizing. -
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...*dies from head hurting*
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your drawings are cool though.=)
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Thanks for that too.
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Cool
I didn't like that you kept using the "Extremely strange", so I just read the dialogue. It would be better off without that.
Otherwise, very well-written.=) -
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Thanks,
Sorry about that. In the readers notes it warns you about that. It's used much less shortly into the story. I may end having rewrite, again. You just beat me. I was meaning to add rewards to each chapter but I was too tired last night. Just thought I'd let you know just in case you cared to read anymore. I'm curious if you like the rest of the story any better. Thanks for this read and comment either way.
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