“So, you go to the University?” Kai asked, blowing out a cloud of smoke.
“Yeah,” Romaine confirmed from her spot on the railing. “I’m a freshman, musical theatre major.”
“Oh! Are you auditioning for West Side Story?” Kai questioned excitedly. Romaine smiled, impressed.
“Yeah, I figure I’ve got the ethnic advantage,” she said with a laugh. “How’d you know what play they’re doing?”
“Musical theatre minor,” Kai said with the grin. “And I believe that I, the Spanish major, would have the advantage, seeing as how it’s colour-blind casting,” he corrected with a smirk. Romaine raised an eyebrow, smoke swirling out with her sarcastic response.
“Hey, you think you can beat me out for Maria, go for it,” she taunted.
“Oh-ho!” Kai called. “Do I smell a challenge?”
“Do I smell your breath?” Romaine tossed back.
“Would you like to?” he responded, leaning against the railing next to her, face tilted upward. Romaine made a face, laughing and pushing him away.
“Gross! What’s your problem?!”
“The question is, ‘how do you solve a problem like Maria?’” he returned, all smiles as he leaned against the railing once more. Romaine shook her head.
“That was bad, The Sound of Music’s cheap.”
“Like your mom, right?” he teased, then grunted as her bare foot caught him in the back of the head.
“Watch out, we Puerto Ricans watch out for our familias,” Romaine warned in a perfect Puerto Rican accent.
“Oh, no, I can’t quote my Sound of Music and be proud of my Austrian heritage, you can’t quote your shows, chica tonta,” he scolded with a grin. Romaine tossed her head back and laughed, the sound echoing into the night as she took a puff of her cigarette.
“My, my, an actor with a personality. Which means, you’re gay, or a player,” she summed up.
“That’s not true! Maybe I’m just a nice, normal guy,” Kai protested, only to be met with a smirk.
“There are no nice, normal actors. So, do you like boys, or too many girls?” she pressed. Kai rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
“This is silly. No.”
Romaine ran her toes up his arm.
“Which are you? Coooome on…” she purred, leaning forward. “I won’t leave you alone until you tell me.” Finally, Kai pushed away from the railing with a huff.
“I’m bi,” he admitted with a little shrug. Romaine laughed knowingly.
“And there it is. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” she cooed, reaching to pinch his cheek jokingly. She overbalanced, and Kai barely caught her before she could fall onto the deck. He held her for a split second in the awkward position in which he’d caught her, arms around her waist while she hung down.
“I could make a joke about things being hard from where you’re hanging, but I won’t,” he chuckled, moving her so she could get her feet under her once more. She wiped off non-existent dust from her pants, and picked up her cigarette from the deck, putting it back in her mouth and leaning against the railing.
“Are you auditioning?” she asked, returning the conversation to safer ground.
“Probably, yes. Maybe we could prepare together…Tony and Maria, you know. How old are you?” he questioned. Romaine laughed, catching the double meaning.
“Eighteen. And Chloe, my girlfriend, is seventeen,” she said pointedly.
“Oh, so that’s how it is,” he chuckled.
“It is,” she laughed. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t prepare together. Like, prepare together, not prepare together,” she clarified, changing her voice to add the innuendo. “Maybe hook up at the Red, or a coffee shop, or something,” she suggested impulsively, pirouetting across the deck to put her cigarette in an empty Coke can. Kai watched her, a private smile decorating his face, and nodded.
“Fine by me. How’s Wednesday?”
“Smoothies are done!” Mark called through the door, which he held open until the pair came in. He pointedly ignored Romaine, of course, but he didn’t let the door shut in her face, and of that he was proud.
Author notes
This is a selection from a story called He Ping, edited for a contest.
A contest entry
- Broaden Your Horizons: Agree To Disagree by Tiger-Lily.
725 points, ended January 5, 27 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - best scene by Fiddlewilly.
100 points, ended January 20, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is great ...but
One should, 99% of the time, stick with the identifiers:she said, he answered and she asked. rarely ones like: she confirmed,
he questioned, she clarified... and never ones like: she tossed back, or he summed up. said, asked, answered seem to be subliminal to the reader allowing the writer to stay hidden. Also,you should avoid the over use of beats attached to your Identifier...
...Kai said with the grin
...he scolded with a grin
...she asked, returning the conversation to safer ground.
too much is distracting.
Use adjectives and adverbs only when absolutely necessary.
...she said pointedly
...Kai questioned excitedly
...Romaine laughed knowingly
LY qualifiers tend to tell, rather than show
for instance...rather than, “Oh! Are you auditioning for West Side Story?” Kai questioned excitedly.
try something like...Kia's eyes widened.“Oh!" she asked. "Are you auditioning for West Side Story?”
admittedly, that's a little lame but,I have "shown" the reader that she was excited by her actions rather then telling them she was excited
A good tool for you would be a book called: Self editing for fiction writers. I can't remember the author's name, but I'm sure you can find it on amazon.com.
Thanks for entering -
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Oh my goodness, thank you so much! That was incredibly helpful. There's a half-price bookstore nearby, so I'll have to go check out that book.
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here is the link to that book
http://www.amazon.com/Self-Editing-Fiction-Writers-Renni-Browne/dp/0062720465
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Lmao, this was amusing.
I loved both characters. Excellent wit. XD
Thanks for entering.
- HT



