Sleep Tight, Good Night, Dreams will come

The warm, burnt yellow sunbeams filtered through the shades on the window, highlighting the small family of dust that had chosen to host their daily dance right under the sill. 1

The sound of high heels slapping and clicking against the burnt sienna tiles flowed to the pricked ears belonging to Delta, Delta Force to his friends. A slow smile raked its way across his face. He quickly wiped it off and then schooled his face into a nonchalant expression. 2

The clicking sound skittered a bit as the wearer moved from the textured clay tiles to the smooth mother of pearl ceramic type that lay on the kitchen floor. Delta had a hard time keeping his face straight, pretending to concentrate on the coffee he was pouring into his oversized football themed mug.3

The high heels continued on their circuit around the kitchen, making audible stops at the counter farthest from him, the fridge and then finally stopping right behind him. No emotion showed on his face at all, as he continued to place all of his concentration on stirring creamer and sugar into the mug. The high heels made a creaking sound as the wearer obviously was getting ready to move. Delta continued stirring his coffee, but slid a sly, hasty glance sideways, tensed his leg muscles, and loosened his grip on the spoon and mug.4

SWOOP!5

The sound of childish laughter bounced off the walls of the kitchen, as Delta pounced on his 2 year old daughter's form and swung her into his arms just as she was about to run.6

"Playing dress up in mummy's heels again, are we?" 7

He tickled her with the hand that was not holding her. Her giggles continued to flow through-out the house, bringing a smile to mummy's face and causing her to wander from the den to the kitchen to investigate.8

Delta turned as he felt her presence coming down the hall. His gaze flicked over her face as it came towards him. He turned back to say conspiratorally to his daughter, "Don't worry sweetie, I'll say I took them." 9

He then turned to make a joke with his wife, to see the smile splash across her face as he shared what their daughter had been up to. 10

Immediately, he reared back, holding his armful even tighter. 11

The face he saw there now was not his wife's. The eyes were blood-shot, the skin had a pale jaundiced hue, the hair matted with a oozy, rich red, thick substance that looked rather like blood.12

Delta backed away hurriedly as the figure continued to advance. He glanced down at his bundle, hoping to reassure her that everything was going to be okay, that Daddy was there. 13

The little face that had looked at his was not that of his daughter's. It was an exact replica of the figure advancing, except that it was a younger newborn version. 14

He wasn't sure if to drop the being he held or if to hold on to it. Was it still his daughter? What on earth was going on?
Delta loosened his grip on it but still held on to it a bit as he continued to back away from the larger version of the being.15

Sweat started to drip down his back, and splash against the floor. Then he felt it. The edge of the door handle against the small back. He eased his free hand behind him, keeping more than a eye on that thing that was advancing on him. The one in his arms started to fuss then moved on to full fledged crying. His fingers now sweaty slipped around as he tried to grip the door. He could feel his heart beating faster sending more blood to his limbs and his head. 16

THERE!17

He had finally gripped the door handle and started to turn it, hoping to time it carefully enough to fling it open, toss the child or whatever it was to the other bigger one and slam it shut behind him. But as soon as he had gotten the door knob turned all the way and was about to pull it towards him, the bigger creature in front of him rushed forward as if on the wind and pinned him against the door. 18

Delta felt his heartrate accelerate, felt the blood rushing through his veins infused with adrenaline. 19

The creature reared up, opened its mouth and then ROARED into his face sending a course of hot, biting wind that felt as if it peeling the skin on his face slowly off.
The small one slid from his arms with a thud as his arms grew more slippery with sweat.Delta was too pre-occupied to notice.
The one pinning him reared back again and he could see it was going to come back at him with force. He raised a hand in front his face, closed his eyes and braced.20

The slight rush of cold wind pushing at his arm forcing it slightly back surprised him21

Delta opened his eyes and blinked. The fresh sweat sheeting down his body had soaked the blankets of the bed in his darkened bedroom. He rotated his head at the window through which the before dawn breeze was now lightly streaming through. That was obviously what had woken him up from...from...He couldn't even remember.22

He couldn't recall a single detail about the dream he KNEW he had just had. He knew it was scary. He knew it was frightening. But what the dream was about he just could not recall. But he could not get even the littlest flitting of a memory.23

Delta felt his heart rate now beginning to slow. He huffed a frustrated sigh through his lips and began to sink slowly back unto the now flattened pillow.24

A feeling of a kiss touched his cheek, startling him and causing him to begin to hop out of the bed. But a restaining feminine hand seemed to be pressing him down. He pushed again it but it held him against the bed with no effort. He felt the body belonging to the hand lean forward. He felt his eyes start to dilate even more than they were already in the dark. The lips, cold but warm, moved to his ear.25

Then they whispered words that sent a shock wave flowing through his body. The lips whispered the words that his now deceased wife had said every night when they went to sleep. 26

"Sleep Tight, Delta. Good Night. Dreams will come."

Author notes

Was written for another contest....
Genre is a cross-section of Crime, Dark, Science Fiction and Romance.
Main character is Delta Dakota Rebinson

A contest entry

How can this be improved

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Jack Necron
    September 23

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    This went from being a lovely, heartwarming introduction to a dark and grim nightmare. I loved the way it shifted so effortlessly.

    The suspense builds up nicely, then dies away for a secure moment, only to return once more at the end. It leaves us wondering the fate of Delta.

    I also liked that you didn't reveal that he killed her until the end of it. I also like that there is a sense of hidden guilt too.

    As for improvement, I think with the comments below you should be alright. I also didn't pick up any misspellings.

    Overall, you a have a very dark and good read.


  • AshleyAesthetic
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    The build-up is a good kind of nauseating, its so suspenseful. You got me hooked all the way through.
    Thank you for entering =)

  • I would never have imagined the track you were going to take with your plot.

    The opening few scenes never hinted at the darkness of the tale. (Not fair

    But as you can 'see' they did keep me reading.


    • Raeyle
      July 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the compliment! I had enjoyed writing it so I like to hear when others enjoy reading it!


  • Scott Chason
    November 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Man what a hook! I really enjoyed this. There are a few things you could do with commas to make it flow better, especially at the begining, before the big change occurs. It seems that once you get into the passion of your true imagination the sentence flow from you naturally. Really the only problem I saw with the flow was in the first two paragraphs. As the reader i feel like she is going to give him clues to her death with dreams... I am very intrigued. Good show, damnit.

    I re-read it before submitting, because you asked for me to help you improve and you deserve as much attention as i can give so here goes:

    The warm burnt yellow sunbeams filtered through the shades on the window

    Drop a comma between "warm" and "burnt".

    I dont know it may just be me but consider using a different word other than "burnt" in the second paragraph, seems repetitive.

    I've got nothing else.

    I live with my dad, and we have my half sister fifty percent of the time. My dad is fourty, I am twenty one, and my sister is two. The beginning appealed to me greatly because it reminded me of the way we act when little emma does stuff like that.



    • Raeyle
      November 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hi thank you so much for this. Well i guess the reason why i wrote it like this is because i pictured the story as being that the accident was sorta by his hands.

      I put in the aspect of the child because she was pregnant at the time even though he didn't know it and by this time when he starts having the dreams and the sensations, the foetus would have been two if it were born.
      So I wanted to keep the mystery in it because you aren't supposed to know he killed her until the end.

      I guess I took it into a different direction than way than you were expecting.

      I was not entirely happy with my beginning and I thank you for giving areas where I could improve concerning that and otherwise.

      Thanks for commenting and thanks for hosting the contest!! I had lots of fun and it was a great challenge!


  • Shimmerfairy
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was really well detailed. I love the dream sequence, it really added something!
    Great beginning, its got me engrossed for sure!


    • Raeyle
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment on my dream sequence. wasn't sure if it would work.


  • Bookjunkie
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    OMG!!! this was so amazing i couldnt stop!! great detail, and excellent excellent hook!


    • Raeyle
      October 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much for commenting. And thanks again cause that is what I hoped to achieve

1 - 10 of 10