Rain, Don't Go Away

I looked out my window to see the rain falling down steadily. I wasn't affected by this at all. Not upset, not happy, not even content. I had absolutely no feeling towards the sight of rain. On a normal day I would be comforted by the rain. Realizing that tomorrow will be a better day. As long as I get all my pain and frustration out today then tomorrow I'll be better.1

On this rainy day, however, I felt nothing. Which worried me immensely. What would I do about tomorrow? What kind of a day would it be? If I can't get my emotions out today... what am I going to do tomorrow.2

I try not to think about it by lighting a Camel Wide Menthol cigarette. But it just keeps drifting back into my mind and I don't understand.3

Suddenly my pocket starts vibrating so I reach in to pull out my phone. 4

"Hey," I answer with a nonchalant voice.5

"What are you doin?" Tishana asks me.6

"Nothing, just watching the rain..."7

"Doesn't it suck!! Ugh, Well I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to get some more cigarettes," 8

I stop her, "Yeah yeah, I have maybe 6 left... I'll meet you in 5."9

As I slide my phone back in my pocket my room-mate walks in the room. "Hey roomie," she says.10

"Mmm." I reply while continuing to stare out the window.11

"What's the matter?" She questions while standing next to me and also looking out the window.12

"I think that tomorrow is going to suck."13

"Why do you say that roomie?"14

"Because... usually when it rains I get this feeling that tomorrow will be a good day, because today everything was washed away by the rain... but I don't have any feelings today..." I look at her and she has her face messed up, trying to understand what I just said.15

My pocket began to vibrate again so I pulled out my phone already knowing who was calling.16

"I'm sorry, I'll be right up." I said to Tishana.17

But it wasn't Tish on the line, it was my dad.18

"Brittany..."19

"Yeah Dad... what is it?"20

"It's... your mom."21

"What's Wrong? What's Wrong?!"22

"She died in a car accident. She hydroplaned through an intersection and was killed immediately."23

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"24

I throw my phone across the room and start clawing at the window. I need to be out in the rain, I have to... Because everything will be okay tomorrow if I drown my pain today.