Recollection

I don’t know how to write an autobiography.  I guess I’ll start off with my name.  Hey there, I’m Ronnie Gayle Blackburn.  Yeah, “Ronnie” is my full first name.  I was named after my grandfather on my mom’s side.  I never met him, though I’ve been told he was a great person.  I bet he was.  He died around the time my mother was my age.  At least I think so.  It’s been a long time since mom was okay enough to tell me, and even longer since Mema was okay enough to tell me.  Mema is my grandmother.  Her husband was the grandfather I was named after that I’m telling you about.  Anyways, I was born in Wichita, Kansas.  I’m not really sure which hospital.  Quite honestly, I really don’t care which hospital I was born in.  It has no relevance to my life right now.  Why does it matter what hospital I was born in anyway?1

I’ve seen a few pictures of me as a little kid.  I guess I looked all right, for a little kid.  I don’t know that much else about me from age one second to age four.  I remember the first day of Kindergarten, though, so I’ll start off there.  Mulvane schools every year of my school life, you know.  I’ve always been the youngest in my class.  It’s just the way it goes.  I could read before I started Kindergarten, so my mom put me in early.  I don’t even know if this is right, but this is what I remember.  I remember sitting in the circle of letters.  We were supposed to make friends and talk and all that crap, you know.  Stuff little kids aren’t afraid of doing.  I turned to the girl next to me, who I would later learn to be a girl by the name of Sarah Stengl, and was about to ask her to be my friend, when a blonde-haired girl scampered across the circle and sat in front of me.  “Wanna be my friend?” She asked me.  I remember being irritated, but I said yes because I wanted to make as many friends as I could.  I did actually become friends with Sarah Stengl, along with Daysi Montoya and the blonde-haired girl who was destined to become my best friend.  Casey Lane was her name.2

I remember another negative incident about Kindergarten.  This girl, this obnoxious brown-haired girl named Cory Richardson (who moved to Wichita in second grade) stole my stuffed mouse.  God, I was really mad at her.  In all honesty, I still haven’t forgiven her.3

Oh yes, and in Kindergarten I got my glasses.  Those wretched, wretched glasses.  I no longer had peripheral vision.  I don’t care what you say; nobody with glasses has peripheral vision.  I believe Kindergarten was also the year of the casts.  The leg casts, I mean.  I’ve always been a tip-toe walker.  My entire life was spent on my toes.  Nothing could correct it.  Finally, my parents and the doctors somehow decided that wrapping my legs in casts for two months would stop my tip-toeing.  I have no clue what sort of logic was put into that, but whatever.  It didn’t work anyway.  I went to physical therapy to correct that and to help with my upper body strength.  Some people think I’m lying or joking when I say I have no upper body strength.  I get mad at them, because they don’t understand that I really am incapable of doing a push-up.  I have virtually no upper body strength, though it’s a lot better than when I entered physical therapy.  I was in it for about, oh, say two years?4

Surprisingly enough, I have two more Kindergarten memories to write.  Isn’t Kindergarten supposed to be something you DON’T remember a lot about?  Hm, who knows?  First is when my dad first started getting into rocketry.  Later on this hobby developed into what I would call an obsession.  Though it is a little fun to see rockets go off into the air, it gets incredibly old and boring after awhile.  I detest learning about velocity and such in Science classes, because I already know it all.  My dad wouldn’t ever let me forget it.  Rocket launches are hot.  There can’t be any wind; that’s why it’s usually so hot.  I’ve been to Denver, Amarillo, Oklahoma City, you name it.  Just for those rocket launches.  It got pretty crazy sometimes.  Our basement is full of rockets.  It’s never something he just grew out of.5

My last Kindergarten memory is that of my first real scare.  I came home on the bus like usual.  I walked home, like usual.  Nothing wrong with this picture, right?  Well, the door was locked.  I banged on the door.  I rang the doorbell.  I yelled at the door.  Nobody was home.  Most people might think this is a stupid thing to be scared of, but hey, I was in Kindergarten!  How was I supposed to know what to do?  So after running around frantically, I ran to Wendy Cline’s house and stayed there until my mother finally came home.  My mom had gone to the hospital for my cousin Jaden’s birth.  Well, I was upset at her, of course, just as any terrified Kindergartener would have been.  But it was okay.6

I don’t recall exactly when I started taking dance class.  It was a very long time ago, I know that.  I think it was before I started Kindergarten.  The first couple years of dance was taught at Lori Ann Sorenson’s home near Derby.  She had a little ballet place set up in her basement.  I think the first couple years I went because my older cousins Rikki and Keeper were going.  I don’t really remember.  Later on, Lori Ann moved her dance place to this church up near my Mema’s house.  She called it L.A. Studios, which I think was a play on her name and the City of Angels.  I just like saying the City of Angels.  Most people know it as Los Angeles.7

I wasn’t really that good at dance, because I had virtually no upper body strength.  I loved it anyway.  I remember one specific incident.  We had to do these things called bridges.  It’s where you lay on your back, then lift yourself up to an arc, hence the name “bridge”.  I could do the bridge easily.  The only problem was, they added a twist to the bridge.  You had to lift your leg straight into the air.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do the bridge leg lift.  Lori Ann said it was okay, though.  She said that I could just do a regular bridge.  During recital, when it came to do the bridge part, I mustered up every last bit of strength I could and I did it.  I did it right.  It was kind of pathetic compared to everyone else’s, but that didn’t matter to me.8

I was sad when Lori Ann had to shut down her class.  You know, sometimes in the halls I still catch myself doing a step-bal-chain.  Someone in front of me will stop, and I’ll do it to switch directions out of habit.  It’s actually a little funny, really.9

When I was little, you know, shoes never really mattered.  I always wanted shoes not to matter again.  A little after midnight last night I took a walk.  And you know what?  I didn’t let shoes matter.10

I remember nothing about first grade.  For all I know, it didn’t happen.11

The only thing I distinctly remember about second grade was meeting Chance Carmichael for the first time.  It was Christmas, and I was wearing two jingle bell necklaces around my neck.  Chance asked if he could wear one, and I said yes.  I gave it to him, but Mrs. Herndon made him give it back.  I never understood why, and I’m no closer now to understanding than I was then.12

Through the Elementary school years, I lost ties with Sarah and Daysi, but I was always friends with Casey.  I never really had any sort of bond with Chance yet.  I became friends with a girl named Jerrica Croxson, who moved away in third grade.  That was an enormous disappointment.  I soon befriended two girls by the names of Brianna Ray and Aerica Van Dorn.  All four of us (Casey, Brianna, Aerica, and I) hung out all the time at recess.  Aerica would make stuff in the sand.  Sometimes we’d play Pokemon.  Sometimes they would play video game characters.  I was pretty much left out because I had never heard of some of them, like Samus Aran.  I know who they are now, but I didn’t know then.  I’d sit in front of the soccer goal fence while they played.  I didn’t like those days very much.13

In third grade specifically, I recall getting called out of Mrs. Fike’s class.  They put me in this room I’d never been in before and asked me a whole bunch of questions.  I was a little scared and quite confused, but I answered them to the best of my ability.  When they let me out of there, I was really happy, relieved, and still confused.  About a week later, they called me back into the room, except my parents were there too.  Now, as you can probably imagine, that scared the crap out of me, not literally.  They asked me if I’d be okay with joining a special class.  I was confused.  They called it a gifted program.  My parents talked to the teachers, and it was settled.  I was the newest addition to ELP, the Extended Learning Program.14

I was a little scared to join the fourth graders in ELP, because I was the only third grader worth testing, apparently.  Nobody else my age was there.  I was worried, but it was okay.  I never built any sort of close relationship with Jordan Cox-Iverson (I think she just goes by Cox now), Jared Martin, or T.J. McDaniel, who were the fourth graders in my class.  I should have, but I didn’t.15

Fourth grade was a blur.  I remember getting cheated out of winning the spelling bee.  She said “fasten”, I spelled “fasten” correctly.  Then she was all “Wrong!”  The audience was confused.  The little slip of paper she gave me, like she gave all the wrong answer people, said that the word was “fastened.”  I was in tears.  I wanted to win really badly.  Jenny Newman was sitting beside me.  She said, “Don’t worry, Ronnie.  I thought she said ‘fasten’, too.”  I smiled, but my tears didn’t dry.16

Around this time, I was told to do some sports because apparently I’m built for it.  Yeah, right.  Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean I’m gonna be a star basketball player.  And believe me, I wasn’t.  Nor was I good at volleyball.  I recall a little prank Casey played one night at volleyball practice, because she was on my team, ya know.  She brought me a water bottle filled with salt water.  Of course, that was right after I gave her some dead bugs.  Good times, good times.17

I hated Girl Scouts.  I joined it in forth grade, quit in sixth.18

Fifth grade was a landmark year.  I failed Science.  I didn’t fail because I didn’t know what I was doing.  I failed because I had ELP during Science, and I never ended up having enough class time to do all the work necessary to pass.  However, I brought the grade up dramatically when they moved ELP to after school.19

Alastair Fynn Kunz moved to Mulvane in fifth grade.  I was ecstatic.  I couldn’t wait for him to arrive.  Finally, another person in ELP who was my age!  He was from England, and by God he loved to brag about it.  He wanted to be a chef when he grew up.  We didn’t really have a lot in common.  We didn’t really have a friendship.  But it was something.  It was weird, but it was something.  Once he and I counted how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.  You know, I don’t remember the number.  I don’t really care.  He moved away in sixth grade, I think.  I never said goodbye.  I will always regret not saying goodbye.  I wonder how he’s doing.20

Remember Kindergarten, the little brat whose name was Cory Richardson?  I had her mother as a fifth grade teacher.  Mrs. Watkins.  They don’t have the same last name.  I didn’t ask why not.21

Mrs. Trusty, my ELP teacher, retired in my sixth grade year.  I didn’t say goodbye to her, either.  I guess I just wasn’t used to people leaving me.  I didn’t know how to say goodbye to anyone.  I wish I had.22

There’s another part of fifth grade that is very difficult for me to talk about.  Sometimes I’ll feel like ranting about it; some days I don’t.  Today, I don’t, but it’s part of my life so I will write it anyway.  Melody and I had become friends by then.  We walked home from school together, because I walked to my Mema’s and she lived pretty close to there.  She sometimes came over with me after school.  I don’t think her home life was very good.  I liked having her over, so it was okay with me.  One day, I don’t remember exactly which one, we went home and my mom was waiting for me.  That was strange, considering my mother should have been at work.  My mom was crying.  This was new to me.  I asked her what happened.  She said something was wrong with Mema.  Something was really wrong.  Melody went home.  I went into Mema’s.  I don’t really remember a lot about that day, except a lot of waiting.23

I learned what happened.  Mema was watching Jaden, my youngest cousin who wasn’t in school at that time, as usual.  She had fallen.  Only God knew why.  She fell.  She fell.  She fell.  It wasn’t that simple.  She had a brain aneurysm.  I had no clue what those words meant at that time.  My mom didn’t bother explaining it to me.  All she said was “She fell.”  Over and over again.  She fell.24

The ICU waiting room was my new home.  Not literally, of course, but I spent enough time in there for it to very well be literal.  We had a corner.  Our special little corner of the ICU waiting room.  It was more like Hell to me, really.  I missed a lot of school for it, because I slept there sometimes.  The chairs are very uncomfortable to sleep in.  Around this time I got really close to my cousin Rylee.  He was my only friend outside of school.  We had biscuits.  Hospital biscuits, from the food thing downstairs.  We had the biscuits for breakfast.  For lunch.  For dinner.  They were okay, I guess.  They could have been worse.  Uncle Rick had the game sheet torn out of the newspaper and taped to the wall.  March Madness, I think it was called.  I don’t know, I don’t like sports that much.  Sometimes when I smell black coffee or clean sheets or medicine I get taken back to there, and I hate it.  Especially black coffee.  The machines were right by the corner we took, and most people didn’t bother with the extra stuff.  Just drank their coffee black.  I read a lot.  Nothing much else to do.  Rylee and I wandered around the hospital sometimes.  Sometimes we didn’t say anything at all.  We never really needed to say anything to say what was on our minds.25

Then Mema was moved to this weird Catholic recovery center.  It was better.  Better food.  I actually saw her here.  I never got to see her at the hospital.  I didn’t like seeing her.  They had to shave her head because of the surgery.  She looked worn-out.  I didn’t like this Mema.  I wanted my old Mema back.  She didn’t talk.  She eventually talked, but it took a long time.26

It got a heck of a lot better when she moved back home.  Or at least I thought it would.  It started out that I would watch her once every few weekends or so...  Now it’s a lot more often than that.  A lot.  I don’t like it.  I’m still convinced it would have been better if she died the first time.27

She lacks common sense.  The common sense that tells most people not to put aluminum in the microwave. The common sense that tells most people to keep plastic plates off a hot stove. The common sense that tells most people not to order anything off of the Home Shopping Network, especially at 7 payments of $29.99.  She can't cook, or bathe, or dress, or anything.  I have to do it all for her.  It’s not a job I’m incredibly proud of, but it exists whether I like it or not.28

My Uncle Rick married a wonderful woman, my Aunt Jeannie, about a year ago.  Sixth grade was about the time I met Aunt Jeannie and her daughter, Destiny.  Destiny and I quickly became friends.  They are both great people, and I was very happy to accept them into our family.  It’s unfortunate that Uncle Rick’s daughters weren’t so keen on the additions.  They didn’t show up for his wedding.29

In sixth grade I had Mrs. Wilcox as a teacher.  She was also my fourth grade teacher.  I got along with her pretty well, but it was Mrs. Andrews, my other sixth grade teacher, who I did not get along with.  Her full name is Mia Maria Michelle Andrews.  I love that name.  She was my English/Reading teacher.  I remember failing a book report over the holocaust.  I read and loved the book, but I was so afraid of public speaking, I barely spoke a paragraph to the class.  I remember my exact grade, because I kept staring at it through blurred eyes.  Sixty-seven percent.  I grew to detest Mrs. Andrews.  Later on, she became my favourite teacher.  She still is.  I honestly haven’t had a better teacher than her.  Mrs. Cusick and Mrs. Perkins come close, but nobody quite matches Mrs. Andrews.30

My friendship status in sixth grade was weird.  I was friends with all of my elementary school friends, but then other incidents happened that altered a lot of things in my life.  Aerica Van Dorn had a new friend, Melody Penner.  I was invariably upset, because I didn’t like Melody at all.  Later on, Melody Penner became a close friend of mine.  In sixth grade, I also quickly befriended Kayla Loper.  In Reading class, we had to do a commercial parody, an over-exaggeration.  I can’t remember the exact word for it, actually.  We re-did a Subway commercial.  We named it something else, of course.  I won’t go into the details of the skit, but it was hilarious.  She probably doesn’t remember it.  That friendship didn’t really last, but we still talk.  One specific incident led me to hate Lorrey Douglass.  In Mrs. Andrews’ class, Mrs. Andrews was assigning us partners for a trivial project.  When Lorrey was informed that I was her partner, she threw a fit.  “Mrs. Andrews, NO!  Anyone but Ronnie!  Please, Mrs. Andrews!  I’m begging you!”  I was inevitably hurt by that.  I was hurt a lot.  Mrs. Andrews assigned us new partners, made Lorrey apologize, and pulled me out into the hall to talk to me.  I remember almost exactly what she said.  “Ronnie, there are going to be people like that your entire life.  You can’t help but listen to them, but you can move on.  You’re an intelligent, beautiful girl, and you will make it far in life.”  I smiled.  She told me I didn’t smile enough, and we went back in.  Mrs. Andrews was quite possibly the only teacher who ever got that personal, you know.  I realized that she didn’t hate me.  She was a teacher.  Teachers do their jobs.31

In sixth grade, I lost Casey as a friend to Starla Lane.  Starla lied to us about each other, and made us believe things that weren’t true.  We were young and stupid.  We weren’t friends for two years.  The Dark Ages.  *laughs*32

As a sevvie, Aerica, Melody, Brianna, and I became a lot closer.  Casey also formed her own group of friends (Chance, Travis Imel, and Colby Greer).  Aerica, Melody, and I got new nicknames for each other.  In order, we were Morwen, Celebwen, and Lothwen.  The names stuck for a long time.33

Around this time, Casey introduced me to WWE wrestling.  I’m still into it.  I don’t care what anybody says, I like it anyway.  I also got really into anime and manga around this time.34

At my great-grandmother’s funeral in Oklahoma, I learned that I was third cousin to Hunter Proctor, my brother’s best friend.  Strange discovery, but interesting nonetheless, you know.35

Melody and I formed a little code of our own.  See, I could say something like burnt-toasted Snickers, hold the butter but keep the jam for God’s sake!  And she would know exactly what I was talking about.  I’m sure she still knows what I mean when I say that.  She wouldn’t forget.36

In seventh grade, Elizabeth “Zibby” Hathaway from my church joined our school in Mulvane.  Regularly, she’s home-schooled.  She was instantly popular.  At church and church camp, she was always nice to me, so I was nice to her.  However, public school changed everything around.  She was popular, and I wasn’t.  Ergo, she turned against me.  I’ll never forget the day Kayla was talking to me, and Kayla said, “You know what Zibby said?  She said ‘Don’t hang out with Ronnie, or you’ll be a loser like her.’”  Kayla admitted that it was mean of Zibby to say that, but I don’t think Kayla ever stopped being friends with her.  That was okay, though.37

Another incident with Zibby.  I was a track manager in seventh grade.  I pretty much only did it because Melody and Brianna were track managers, too.  Plus Aerica was in track, so that was another bonus.  One night after a particularly difficult track meet, we stopped by McDonald’s on the way home.  And by “we”, I mean the entire track team.  By “on the way home”, I mean on the way home from somewhere that was nearly an hour away from home.  I was talking to Brianna.  We were laughing at a show on television that we had both watched.  I don’t remember exactly what show or what character I was talking about, but I believe I said “stupid idiot!”  Well, apparently Zibby was doing something stupid, and thought I was talking about her.  She singled me out, in front of the entire track team, and screeched at me.  I don’t care to repeat some of the things she said.  I never did try to explain to her what I was really talking about.  She didn’t really give me a chance.38

In ELP as a sevvie, I met Kara Schippers.  She was a great artist, but she was the meanest brat I ever did meet.  I don’t think she meant to, but she was horribly mean and hateful towards me.  I read The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne that year.  I found it dull.  I’ll talk about my teacher when I get into eighth grade.39

Eighth grade was okay, too, I guess.  Aerica and Jace Webb joined ELP class.  I don’t remember exactly when Kayla (sixth grade friend) joined, but she did, too.  Melody and Jace got together.  There were a lot of hard feelings between me and Jace, but I think we’re okay now.  I really don’t know.  Chance and I became better friends around eighth grade.  Me and Casey got back as friends, too.  Aerica and I have always had a rocky relationship.  It ended at the end of seventh grade, and started around the middle of eighth grade.  She doesn’t remember us making up, but that’s okay with me.  I never minded.  Aerica and I became really close friends.  She was then my best friend in the whole wide world.  We ate lunch with Ryan Malanchuk, Jacob Griffith, and Alex Mallat.  We were all such losers, but it was okay.  Ryan loved mandarin oranges.  Jacob and John Pine got into a fight.  John is such a prick, but I was friends with him anyway in eighth grade.  That died pretty quickly.  I started really getting into art, despite how much I sucked.40

Mrs. McElroy was my new ELP teacher.  I hated her a lot.  But you know what?  She was one of the best teachers I ever had.  Seems like the teachers I hate most turn out to be my favourites.  Funny how life works, huh?  Amanda Wills, Michael Ramsey, and Katie Holladay were the sevvies in my ELP class.  They were okay, I guess.  I don’t think I paid enough attention.  I had my own problems to worry about.41

The church took a trip to Nashville that summer.  I went.  I could talk about it all day, but quite honestly, I only want to mention one thing.  The homeless men. There were thousands of girls in an Acteens (church group) rally.  It was amazing to watch the looks on the homeless faces when we, on our walk to where we were going, stopped to give them food.  It wasn’t part of what we were supposed to do, but it all started with one girl who gave him her sandwich.  Then more girls giving other homeless men food and water.  It was just amazing.  I know it probably doesn’t sound that amazing, but it really, honestly was.42

Debbie Barton, blonde-haired angel, died of breast cancer around my eighth grade year.  She fought a good, long fight.  She left behind a husband and a six-year old son.  She will be missed.43

Eighth grade band trip was fun beyond belief, but a little bit scary.  We went to Worlds of Fun.  We played, blah blah blah.  The only really bad part about playing was the fact that we had to get dressed in this hot little trailer with the rest of the band.  Of course, there were separate trailers for girls and guys, but you know what I mean.  It was still awkward.  Then we rode rides for four hours!  Woo-hoo!  Yeah.  Anyway, on the way home, we were told to be extra quiet and courteous because the bus driver was having a bad day.  He spilled diesel fuel all over himself.  Oh, and then guess what?  The bus broke down.  That was a smidge scary.  Yea.  We didn’t get home until midnight or so.  It was scary, yes, but mildly fun.44

The summer of eighth grade, I made another trip to World’s of Fun, this time with my friend Melody.  We spent the entire day there, just me and her.  It was fantastic.  We did every ride you can think of.  We stayed at this fabulous casino hotel.  There was a little, oh, what are they called? Strip mall without the stores inside it.  It was a whole line of little casinos, arcade places, food places, etcetera.  The ceiling was painted like the sky.  It was amazing.  At WOF, the most story-worthy event was when we went bungee-jumping.  I don’t have a whole lot more to say about the bungee-jumping, except perhaps that it was an insane experience that I would gladly live again.45

In ninth grade, my life changed dramatically.  Melody moved away.  Aerica and I drifted apart.  I made countless new friends, a good majority of them of the opposite gender.  That’s just how it happened.  I didn’t intend to have twenty guy friends, but I do.  Well, not twenty.  I’m just throwing out a random number.  But you get the point.  I cut my hair.  I got contacts.  I dropped my tact.  I got hateful and bitter.  I became horrible.  Perhaps that’s why I lost Aerica.  I don’t really know.  Most of my ninth grade stories are already in my Xanga, so I won’t bother telling them to you.  If you really cared, you’d already know.46

I believe in God.  I don't go to church because I don't want ideas spoon-fed to me by biased people; I want to be able to have my own thoughts and opinions, not be taught "exactly what is right and wrong"; I want to decide that for myself. It's not that I'm too lazy or don't feel that I have the time; it's more that I want to be more of an independent Christian.47

Uh, I don’t know what else to say, really.  I don’t use spoons.  I don’t drink pop.  I put milk in my ice cream.  I don’t like Reese’s peanut butter cups.  I am pro-Kikyou.  Uhm, I think that’s about it for random facts.48

There’s probably a lot of stuff I didn’t say.  There’s probably some stuff I said that I shouldn’t have.  But you know what?  It’ll be okay.49