It was a normal summer afternoon when Alice’s parents disappeared. She and her big sister, Amy, were outside in the field, Amy reading a novel, Alice falling asleep to her sister’s soothing voice. The air was hot and sweet and the wind blew just right, enough to keep the girls cool, but not hard enough to be a bother. Cicadas and crickets sang in the trees and tall grass. Birds flitted from tree to tree and if Alice kept her eyes opened, she could see little animals scurrying through the field. The day was perfect.1
Until they heard the explosion. 2
Alice’s eyes flew open. She was no longer sleepy. Amy had jumped up and put her hand above her eyes to see across the field to their Victorian style house. There was smoke coming from their parent’s bedroom. 3
“Stay here, Alice!” Amy shouted, already running toward the house. Alice followed as fast as she could. Her sister was sixteen and Alice only twelve and Amy had much longer legs than Alice did, but she kept fairly close. Once they got to the front door, they hesitated, panting a little. They were scared. What would they see? Amy took a breath, and turned the knob, paused, exhaled, and pushed open the door. They both slowly walked to their parent's bedroom.4
Author notes
Just putting it down
Comments
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WOW!!!!!
THAT IS AMAZING!!!!! I THOUGHT IT WAS BRILLIANT AND FEEL THAT YOU LEFT IT ON A FANTASTIC CLIFFHANGER!!!!!

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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And putting it down rather well too! I want to find out what the girls' discovered when the opened their parent's bedroom door!! You 'hooked' me from the beginning which a good writer should be able to do with ease - and you have. Well done!


