The rays of light cascaded from the breezy air bending and twisting as they entered the water, creating a sparkling effect. Advancing onto the shore, and then retreating, the waves left in their wake a glint of moisture on the sand. A mere walk amongst the edge of land revealed a metamorphosis: beyond the damp, loose sand were jagged rocks, then brief vegetation, culminating towards bristling trees. With such a variation in the environment, there was one constant – the landscape was dictated by the infinite waters that threatened to expand beyond its boundaries.1
The air smelt of salt and the crackle of dust. Sea gulls' wails flitted in and out of focus. It was midday. There was a sense of permanency that echoed in the daylight, and though it was certain one could not stop the eventuality of night, there was no denying that, from time eternal onward, the sun would shine again. This was no waste land – flora made an excellent presentation beyond the attacking ocean.2
And then there was the ocean. A calming roar forever beset the air – yet, this was not a case of white noise. In the forever depths lurked creatures of colour, animals that could shimmy and jive according to the music of the water. Yes, there was a rhythm that corresponded to the dictates of the tide. In its time, the ocean has inspired many a legend – tales of lovers lost, of pirates conspiring, of navies conquering. The ocean, a remonstrant of culpability. 3
Footsteps imprinted themselves in the cold, wet sand. A solitary figure wandered along the beach, his fingers trembling involuntarily. His eyes, widening from a silent howl, did not blink. How could they blink? It was improper. A voice dared not speak, nostrils did not attempt to breathe too loud – a receptacle of catatonic motion. A man. Yes, a man who could be a man no more. It was decided long ago that this was to be his primal excursion.4
“As much as I try to see the world in colour, it is only possible to see grey – accusations of grey. When did I become so hated? When did I decide to stare into the void – only to find the void staring back at me? I am soulless, careening towards nothingness. It is as is. No more.”5
The wind was beating against his face. The wind seemed so angry. Repulsively, he crinkled his nose – begging forgiveness to whichever god happened to be in existence.6
And then he suddenly stopped walking.7
He looked into the ocean with the devotion of a monk.8
“So this is it,” he confirmed, “This is the ocean.”9
He took a step forward into the water, stepping upon the waves like a gaunt Godzilla. The cuffs of his pants began to soak. Pausing for a bit, he took in the sensation. It was cold.10
Then he advanced, allowing ocean to engulf his frame. The man was determined to be stoic, and hence he had a dark serenity. Damn his body! He was going to move onwards. Soon his head was sunk underwater.11
Eyes closed, he tried his best not to think. Yet, the same words reverberated through his brain: Behold the man! Soon to be no more.12
The man, still aware of his body, could feel it moving according to the whims of the waves. Water began to trickle into his lungs. With each gasp was an inhalation of H20. He long pondered what this would feel like, and he took comfort in the idea that he had the willpower to finally follow through.13
And then his chest heaved. Lights from an unknown source began to pound their way into his brain. There was a heat, an unfathomable heat, that coalesced into his toes.14
He began to shake.15
The man tried his best to scream, but there was only silence.16
Cacophony of elusiveness darted back and forth. His eyes, stung by the salt of the ocean, maddeningly tried to see something, anything. Heart was beating faster, beating faster, and it was getting out of hand.17
It was getting deeper – the blackness swallowing him up.18
And the man knew he had a spirit, and he needed to let it out somehow.19
“Damn you! Damn you!”20
Something splayed out of his mouth.21
He felt hands pounding on his chest.22
“Damn you! Live! Live!”23
His eyes still rolled upwards uncontrollably. Sensations began to penetrate into his fingertips. Vomit of water projected itself out of his lips.24
Such putrid sweat!25
Then the man blinked. He saw a femininity over top of him.26
A sudden surge of anger erupted, “How could you do this to me?”27
The woman sobbed and could not answer. She simply pounded on his chest, though he was fully conscious.28
“Answer me!” he demanded with rage.29
And then she answered, “You don't know what it means to live.”30
The woman cradled the man's head next to her bosom, and she could not stop crying. She could not stop crying.31
Author notes
The rays of light cascaded from the breezy air bent and twisted as they entered the water, creating a sparkling effect.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Wow, there's a madness that feels similar to the man's in my story that you just read and hopefully enjoyed. I found this very intense and very captivating. The suspense was really good. It almost lost me at one point and it went along with the fact that he was losing himself. If that makes any sense at all. I really enjoyed this.
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THis poem was so bloody long that i almost gave up after the first stanza. I'm glad that i finished it though. You displayed your talent wonderfully. I love the concept of a dark figure with nothing giving up, being rescued against his will. My most favorite lines:
And then she answered, “You don't know what it means to live.”
The woman cradled the man's head next to her bosom, and she could not stop crying. She could not stop crying.\
Who is the woman? -
Creative, strong imagery. Definitely a thorough write. I wasn't a big fan of cacophony in the last part - seemed a bit out of place versus the rest of the descriptives used. Nonetheless it worked well enough.
Overall, it makes a strong point and was well written. -
R ite ON
You always write with such strong imagery, you never cease to inspire more creative ideas when I read your confessionals of where you are... You have definitely painted a lasting imagery with this RR. -
interesting
mmmm this one's different. i like it in a way though. it seems almost like you experienced this, it was very real. -
Masterful-write
The best thing I've yet to read on this site.I am truely amazed at the deepth of your ability to verse something so real.You are an artistic delite.Truly loved this.May I have your autograph?~~~~~~~~~~~~~Suseann -
I love water, and grew up near the ocean. I loved this. It was intelligently written, and I didn't see many grammar mistakes at all. Not knowing how to live is a horrible disease that many have. I think this was well-written, although alot of people probably wouldn't appreciate it due the fact it reads more like an indie film, it's bred for the individuals who see and think higher the masses. I love the theme of trying to drown, just to see what it's like to live. This was a good story.
~ Lady Tragedy -
Wow, I was getting worried he'd actually go all the way. But this is exactly what I was looking for! So many people think the only way out is death, and many of them, without someone who cares enough or is close enough to save them, get there final wish. But I imagine that if we could hear from the Great Beyond, we'd learn that they really didn't know what they wanted after all. I didn't plan on applauding anybody else's work today (as I've used all of my free ones) but this is well worth it!
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got me!
i enjoyed the switch you made mid-piece: from the gorgeous description of the ocean and the limited landscape which it enclosed to the pathos of a soul-weary man and his desire to give up.
i liked 'crackling dust', somehow that made my liver laugh and i enjoyed it. being an emergency medical technician (EMT), a lifeguard, and having saved someone from drowning i can truly identify with the female rescuer at the very end. there is nothing more powerful than to be the instrument of 'life restored' to another human being. way to go! -
wow! very nice write! but i think u should read my message in a bottle Its a bit like this and i think you shall like it. Well, ave a good day and exellent writer you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!have a good one buh bye
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