One day, a gnome with a red cap and white beard wanted to get an apple for his family. The foodgnome had not arrived in weeks, and their rations were getting low. The young apple tree was the only source of food he could find since no one else was willing to share theirs. He began his lengthy climb, carrying a leaf-woven sack to keep the apple in. He managed to make it to the branch rather quickly despite how high it was. He wasn’t a professional tree-climber for nothing, after all.1
He pulled himself onto the branch, but before he could head out to grab the apple, a pair of humans, a man and woman, appeared from beyond the hill. Not wanting to be seen, he slipped into a nearby squirrel hole. Luckily for him, they weren’t home. The humans approached the tree and began plucking apples from the top, working their way down. He had to hurry. 2
He quietly moved out onto the length of the branch, making sure not to be seen, and reached the apple. He slipped the fruitsack over the apple, a difficult task, and tightened it, strapping the sack to the tree. He took out a small knife and cut away at the stem as quickly as he could. The apple fell loose but the fruitsack held. The gnome gripped the vines holding the apple and used all his strength to pull it up. He nearly had it when the vines suddenly snapped, sending him reeling backwards off the branch. He cursed his poor craftsmanship as he plummeted to the rocky ground below. The last thought he had was his family before he hit the ground.3
He opened his eyes and realized he wasn’t dead. His hands felt the ground and found it soft and warm. He looked up to find the smiling face of the woman. She carried him down and placed him on the ground. Beside him was his apple, resting peacefully in a patch of grass. The two humans waved at him before walking off. Strange, he had heard such terrible things about humans and yet one of them had saved him. He laughed to himself as he strapped the apple to his back, heading home. He had quite the story to tell around the dinner table that night.4
Author notes
Another story I wrote for school yet this has been revised. I posted the original, a much shorter version, on a different website and got pretty good criticism. I would like to see if I have imporved any. Thanks.
Any serious flaws that need to be looked at?
Comments
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Oops, forgot the clappies
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Very well written
This story had such a cute, innocent feel to it. I thought your main character was adorable, and that you portrayed him really well. There weren't any flaws in this at all, everything flowed nicely and the story was almost perfect except it lacked impact. I don't know why, but for some reason this didn't really engage my attention all that much. This could be due to its shortness though, I'm not sure. Apart from that it was well written with flawless grammar and such an appealing, cute main character! -
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Thanks for replying!
I was wondering if anyone was ever going to comment on my stories. Glad you did. I guess if it was longer it would've garnered more of your attention. I'll definately keep that in mind, thinking of how to hook or keep the reader hooked. Thanks.
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