Invisible (Option 1)

I grasped the leather-bound book tightly in my hands as my blue eyes scanned the cover. I glanced up to see the crowd before me, adorned in black. I shivered slightly, either from the breezy Autumn air or from your invisible touch. I fought back the tears as I open to the first page, taking in a deep breath before reading aloud, 1

"I remember the first day that I met him. We were in Ms. Ely's kindergarten class together, and he asked if I wanted to play on the swings with him. We held hands together on the playground, while all the other boys were freaking out about cooties and teasing the other girls. I remember he kissed me on the cheek in third grade..and he proposed to me with his ring pop in fifth grade. We were inseperable..even as we grew up to become independent-minded rebellious teenagers, we were best-friends. We knew everything about each other; I knew the way his eyes would sparkle when the girl he liked walked by, the way his fingertips combed through his messy brown hair, or how he would sit up at night on his rooftop and write poems by the moonlight for her.."2

I sighed softly, pausing as a tear escaped and ran down the side of my face. I smiled nervously as one finger gracefully went to swipe at the tear, brushing through my hair to cover up the act. Clearing my throat, I turned the page and avoided the eyes of the people before me. Now I was speaking directly to you.3

"I remember your first girlfriend...and how jealous I was. I remember even bossing you around at how late you could stay out with her..you teased me and called me your mother. I remember your first heartbreak, and how you leaned on my shoulder as you cried and my hand brushed back your hair from your face as I rocked you to sleep. I remember when you said I was like a sister to you...and I guess that's when I realized what I really wanted to be. I had always had you for myself...but when you said that about me, I felt like I was losing you..I knew that one day, another girl would take you away from me. I remember our fights...and the words we exchanged, even though you didn't realize why I was acting differently. You didn't realize how much I loved you..more than a sister could. I wanted to kiss those soft pink lips...to be held in your arms, God..I wanted to marry you and be with you forever.."4

A small gasp came from the crowd, but I continued to read for fear that if I stopped now, I'd never have the chance to tell you.5

"I watched you get married to a lovely woman..she's everything I could have ever wished for you and more..I could feel how happy you were, and for awhile..that was enough to make me happy. But something tugged at my heartstrings...a stab of pain occured whenever I imagined your new life. I had to estrange myself from you..it hurt too much to be around you and not be able to love you. Ever since we were little, more than puppy love, I have loved you..I have always wanted to be there for you. And I used to dream that classic dream...that you'd come through and love me too. Even to the very end..I believed I had a chance..because you were all that I had ever known. And when I got the call that you were dead...I died inside with a pain worse than unrequited love..And now, as your friends and family come together to remember you, I remember you in such a vivid way. I will always love you, Benjamin Lavelle. Rest in peace."6

The tears now flowed freely down my cheeks as I turned to the last page in my diary. I saw the picture of you with your arm around me on your twenty-first birthday, with that dazzling crooked smile of yours as you kissed the top of my head. Below the picture reads, "Best friends forever."