In Carnival Lights

His soul died in carnival lights. She kissed him again, harder, smoother, as the wind numbed the blush on his cheek. Yes, he could hear the children shrieking from unexpected turns and thrill from the rides; yes, he could feel the metal beneath his body and the air rushing past his face as they rose higher and higher; yes, he could see the lights flashing in the night. But all that he cared about was hearing the soft whisper of her skin and her lips on his; feeling her hand on his back as she pulled him closer; seeing her closed eyes flutter softly in the wind. He couldn’t stand it.1

The kiss finally broke as the Ferris wheel paused at the very top. She pulled back from him, gasping, her eyes wide. He gazed at his hands, guilty over his feelings and reaction to her kissing him. Time wasn’t standing still, as many say happens at the moment when the ride stops and everyone below appears insignificant. Time still kept going, on and on. 2

Silence ensued for the few minutes that they were at the top, she gathering in breath, he collecting his thoughts into something coherent. 3

Finally, the ride began again, and they descended to the ground. His thoughts became one stream of reason. She gazed softly into his face, forcing his eyes to stare into hers.4

“Well, did you enjoy that?”5

6

“No.”7

8

Shock coursed through her eyes, begging for him to take that one word back. (Oh, how could one word strike the heart so painfully?). The ground approached, slowly yet surely, yet, surely not fast enough for that hurt girl.9

10

“Please, tell me why you didn’t like it? I… I thought you wanted me to kiss you, Tom.”11

12

“No, I did, Liza, I really did. But, I… I needed to know something and… Well, I just didn’t like you kissing me.”13

14

Anger laced her eyes darkly, “So, why didn’t you like me kissing you?”15

16

Their cart stopped, held in place by a fat, indifferent man, oblivious to the emotions and feelings around him.17

18

“I need to know, Tom. Am I a bad kisser? Were you expecting something else? Please, tell me. Why?”19

20

For the first time out of so many other future times, Tom looked deeply into the eyes of someone he was about to deeply hurt and whispered, “I think I’m gay, that’s why.”21

22

Tears dripped softly from her eyes. “But, Tom, I still love you. What am I supposed to do now?”23

24

He glared at her, angered by her words and snapped, “I don’t know, Liza. Just move on to the next guy, just like you did before. I already have.”25

26

With that, he left the cart swiftly, ignoring, yet painfully aware of, the small girl left behind him, her tears reflecting red and blue carnival lights.27