So, on that note, I lost someone very dear to me without the aid of death. It bothers me more to know that he is still suffering and away from me than if he was dead. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want my father to die, but if some deity decided as such, I would hope he would be at rest. Speaking of death, that is one thing I just do not fear. Death would be a relief compared to some of the hells of earth. I know, quite morbid for a 14 year old, but hey, what do you expect, lol. The irony of that day is that I was supposed to go to church with one of my grandmothers. And when my mom called and told her the situation, she got angry because we were too distraught to even leave the house where the scent of my father still lingered.......Humph, some love there huh? 1
Well, it took some years to learn to accept it. And yet it still hurts. But I learned something. I learned that I cannot always depend and cling to others. I have always been an open person but whenever I lean on someone, they let me fall. Except my mom. I have never been let down by her. I am her crutch just as much as she is mine. We are complete opposites in some ways and twins in others. But I would not trade her for the world. I can’t understand the animosity between most mothers and daughters, probably because I don’t have it but still. I don’t know anyone who I care for more who gives that affection in return unconditionally.2
So let’s see, I am a freshman in high school now, and it has been 5 years since my dad has left. And I have had a stepfather in between that time span. For his safety and out of respect (even though I could truly give a flying fuck),I will not place his true name in this story. Even though he has fucked over my mom too many times, I need him alive to sign her divorce papers, lol. Well, let’s call him Alex. Alex was a childhood friend of mom’s and they were pretty much raised under the same rules……So she thought. Before we left for Colorado……ooh…..you don’t know about that yet, do you? Hmmmm, I do believe we hit a slight snag in my time line, lol. I will tell you about that next time.3
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