The High

I could feel the eyes, roaming over every inch of my body, undressing me and enjoying the show. I took a slow breath and sauntered over to the diving board. I climbed the ladder with exaggerated sensuality and lankily stepped out to the edge. Every face was upturned to watch me as I prepared to dive into the pool, but I could not let them know how much I was enjoying every second of this moment. They could never know the magnificent high this gave me. Just to be the center of everyone’s attention and desire was enough to give me a thrill better than any drug could boast. It was enough to send my heartbeat racing and my skin rippling with goose bumps. They were enthralled by my gorgeous body so much so that they could not hide it, even if they had wanted to.1

I bounced a little on the end of the diving board and raised my arms above my head. I listened to the complete silence surrounding me as everyone stopped what they were doing to watch me. With one final jump, my body was slicing through the air and into the water with the kind of grace that other girls could only wish to have. I wanted to dance in the water like a dolphin and shout my happiness at this glorious moment, but I had to remain detached and oblivious in order to remain the mysterious and beautiful girl that everyone was watching. 2

I swam to the end of the pool and stepped out glistening in the summer sun. As I glided over to the beach chair where I had placed my beaded sarong and terry cloth towel, I knew that they had not yet managed to tear their eyes away from my body. I reached under the chair for my bag and grabbed the impenetrably dark sunglasses I had brought with me. I had specifically chosen these shades so that I could watch them as they watched me. It was the key part of my wonderfully thought out plan, and plus they perfectly matched my simple, black bikini. Now I would put on the façade of relaxing while behind the wall of darkness I could see every whisper and nod all directed towards me and feel the total elation as it overtook my body.3

As I turned to act out my scheme with my shades daintily affixed to my face, I could feel that there was something wrong. All the faces that I expected to be turned in my direction were not there. The longing and wistful looks that I was prepared for never came or were cut off in their prime. They had caught on to something that was deemed more interesting, and as I felt my carefully calm expression begin to fall, I knew that my time was already up because they had seen another girl whose presence was more entrancing than mine. I scoured the small gathering of people in a futile attempt to locate just one pair of eyes on me, but all I found was the mottled sea of blonds and browns of the hair on the backs of their heads. 4

What about me? What happened to me? I had them, and then with the shake of a few elegant curls they were gone. This was not the way I planned it. I thought that I could at least have a few moments of undisturbed admiration. I thought that I would be the most beautiful girl here. Why couldn’t it all go according to plan? Why did she have to come and steal my spotlight? I didn’t even know who she was but I hated her and I could feel the heat of anger rising inside of me. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I knew that I had to escape before my act was completely ruined for those who might spare me a passing glance.5

I quickly grabbed my things and shoved them into my bag. I walked as slowly and as confidently as I could toward the gate that lead to the hotel lobby, managing to resist the urge to hurl my belongings to the ground and run away as fast as I could. I took a step inside and tried to look inconspicuous but before I could decide on an escape plan, I heard the hoarse, unapologetic command of the hotel security guard to stop right where I was. 6

I could have done what he asked of me, but then that would have ruined the little fun that was left to squeeze out of the day, so I hugged my bag closer to my body and launched into a sprint. I shoved past a privileged looking middle-aged couple and flew out of the wide lobby doors onto the sidewalk outside. As I rounded the corner of a building into an alley, I could hear the hefty security guard bark out, “Damn freeloader! This is the last time you slip past me, ya’ hear?” But I knew he would never be able to catch me. This body was just as useful for running away as it was for sneaking into hotel swimming pools.