Chirada

I often reflect on my past, knowing that I’ve been near death a few times, I realize how strong I was. My thoughts ordinarily linger back to my childhood. Some reason I feel as if it was not me that this all happened to, like I was watching myself acting out in a movie the whole time.
Walking down slowly, barefoot along the edge of a pond, I watch the still waters reflect the lifeless trees into its depths. I stared quietly while I turned around and fell back on itchy grass. My eyes gazed upon one spot and my mind was drawn into the water. It was a very unusually quiet day when everyone was inside celebrating Thanks Giving. I was alone and it felt normal, like it was the way it’s supposed to be. To my surprise one, single, orange leaf dropped gracefully in front of me, sending ripples, making the water unfrozen and suddenly giving it life. Then I saw him, the face of the man I loved that was buried two years ago. I looked behind me frantically, and saw no one. I slowly turned my head back and watched the waters become dead again. The rest of my day went by very slowly.
My ophthalmologist physician found out that I was supposed to become blind because of an accident I had. I really didn’t mind much attention to the matter. My vision changed dramatically in Kindergarten and I remember getting picked on by other kids because I kept saying there was a horse when it was just a mailbox. I felt too tested and was asked to be home schooled. I regret it sometimes because all my life I don’t remember having one friend.
As far as I can remember, the accident happened when I was 4 years old. I found myself walking down a calming scene. The wind blew gently in my face, leaving strands of hair tickling my face. All around me, I remember the salty air was filled with the sounds of seagulls singing, swishing of the water, and the light taps of the soles of my feet hitting sandy wood. There, across the board walk, was a cheerful teenage boy on a bike that was waving to people around us. I felt so little compared his tremendous bike. This blissful scene started to feel tense. My face started tingling as I saw the tires heading straight towards me. The boy wasn’t alert and still didn’t turn his head to look. My mouth stayed tight and I froze in place, thinking he was going to miss me. I was dead wrong. I heard tires screeching and gravity had not been connected any more. My head lifted up into the blue sky filled with white, puffy clouds, like I would see in the beginning of a dream. My mind started to slip away like wet soap in my hands. Everything got blurry before my eyes. It seemed like such a long time that these few seconds took and I started to see everything in my mind but before I could realize what was going on, before my mind made a connection to it all, my head fell back and hit the ground hard in a big thump. I started to hear screaming but I couldn’t see or feel anything around me. I thought I just died.
My mom visited me at the hospital after that happened. She told me gently that I had lost most of my vision because I hit my head too hard in the wrong place and damaged some nerves. Then she got in a car accident, hit her head on the wheel, got severe brain damaged and died.
I found a company that finally accepted my employment. It’s a company that provides food and shelter for people who had an accident occur to them or just do not have enough money to provide for them. We work with the government and do raise taxes for these purposes. I don’t think it’s taking away from people; it’s been around for a long time so I find it reasonable and we make sure to use our money wisely. I disagree with one thing in the company, my pay. They pay me lower than anyone else because I’m disabled. I can’t do anything because the government overpowers me and I really don’t feel like going to court and making them mad at me and possibly losing my only job.
At the dawn of a regular day you can find me sweating in a corner office on the second floor of a reasonably big private building. The sun comes in beating on right to me through a window that stares strait out to a dead city. Often times I wish I could look out my window to see a small house with broken window, rotting wood, and sunken in roof. Of course that’s mine. I ponder how I’m ever going to stay living in this house and pay for its repairs. I’ve missed so many things to look at. People used to call me heartless because I don’t find a joy in anything. Honestly I felt that way at times, but really I loved and enjoyed many things. Even though I can’t see colors and my vision is distorted, I still find many things enjoyable.
Another day after work, ugh, I’m exhausted. I was hoping to get a pay check today. I didn’t so I only have $50 left in my pocket. Every time this happens I’m always so pessimistic. I think that I’m going to lose my ruined house, go starve, and die on the street. No, it’s not going to happen, it never does. Walking home is taking forever today, the sun is barely setting and it’s still so blinding… ha. As usual, someone bumps into me, or I bump into them. I never know and it’s not like it matters. This time I figured it was my fault as I stumbled forward. I hear glass shattering into a million shards and I can’t stop myself from falling. My hands stick into the pieces and stab me with a sharp, numbing pain. I felt moisture trickling down my fingers as I stood up. I noticed you were still standing there, saying nothing. I quickly pulled out my wallet and took all the money I had, gave it to you, and ran.
I’m so embarrassed… so, so embarrassed.
My face is red and I can’t help but to let tears escape.
What did I just do? That was all my money! Oh well I’m sure he needed it more than I do.
I keep running until I reach my house. My lungs are on fire. I place my hand on my door knob, resting myself for a bit. I catch my breath and I grip the door knob in pain as I insert my key and twist the knob. I just left the key my door and fell into my house. I lay flat on my face, arms outstretched. I bet I look like someone shot me; bloody, and lying lifeless.
“Hey… hey… Girl!” I ignored the voice; I knew no one was coming to me. “Hey!” The deep voice was close now and sounded really concerned. “Are you okay?”
“Who speaks,” my voice came out like I was dying.
“My name is Ryan, I came to give back your money and see if you’re okay.”
I sat up and I think my cheeks started turning red again. “Oh I’m so sorry, please, please keep the money whatever you had must have been expensive.”
You grab my arm and flip my hand over.
“I’m sure you need money right now. By the way your house is I see you don’t have much. That vase was only decoration I was taking from the office any ways.” You start pulling out pieces of glass as I wince in pain. I jerk my arm back, holding my hand.
“How did you find me?” I glare at the figure of you, or at least what I think is you.
“I followed a trail of blood. You really need to be bandaged; please don’t worry about giving me money. I should be sued.”
I felt a little square object be placed on my lap. I take it in my hands then walk in. “Come in if you want.” I really don’t know how to respond to people since I haven’t talked in so long. I felt like I was doing a horrible job at it. You walked behind me seeming to marvel everything you walk by.
“All this stuff is so expensive. How do you get it?”
I sit down in my normal rocking chair, grinding my teeth at the throbbing pain I was starting to feel. “My- mom got it from her mom- both o-f them are dea-d now.” He pain kept surprising me and I cut off my words with a teeth sucking sound.
“Oh. Let me help you.” You start pulling out more glass and placing them somewhere with a hard surface. We continue talking, my brain interrupted by the sound of glass dropping.
“Ow- It’s nice to have someone over, I never had company before.” I was sure I was getting blood all over your hands.
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“No, I literally never had any company. Don’t you have to go home to your family?”
“I’m single.”
“Oh.” Tink… Tink... Tink.
“I think that’s all there is.” I hear you tear fabric. My hand went numb as you wrapped it tightly.
“Thank you Ryan. Um… where do you work?” I was worried that he ripped some of his clothes but I didn’t feel like asking and embarrassing myself.
“I work at a government paid company.”
“So do I!”
“Pft no way with your house,” you scoff.
“They under pay me because I’m disabled”
“They can’t do that, that’s illegal and unfair!”
I was surprised you didn’t ask about my disablility. “That’s life.”
“So where does your dad live?”
“He doesn’t.”
“Oh when did your parents die?”
“Well my mom died when I was four and Dad died a few years later.”
“You have siblings?”
I shake my head.”Only child. I had to teach myself everything pretty much. Some child care place found me and took me in. Once I turned 14, they let me on my own.”
“Wow,” is all you say. I squirm in my chair awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Looking down, I wait for one of us to break the silence.
This is so weird, having company over when I’m alone. What am I thinking? I guess you got lucky and caught me on a good day. But jeez what’s the point of coming in my house? Sure I got a few cuts, but what else is there to do with a silent woman like me? I sighed knowing you weren’t going to say anything. “I’ve got lemon cake left over from my dinner last night and I think you should have it for being my guest.”
We ate and you simply delighted the sponge lemon cakes. Just wait till you find out I’m blind. I bet you’re going to end up like everyone else, pretend they like me and continue on without speaking another word to me. It doesn’t really bother me since it’s not rare to happen.
I woke up extra early for work so I could make myself some kind of junk food breakfast. I feel like I’m going to be on a sugar and caffeine diet as I grab a doughnut and make coffee for myself. I’m the first in my office and already have tons of work to do on the computer. I hear a familiar voice chatting with a client outside my office.
“Oh hi, I didn’t realize you worked here.” The voice came closer.
“Huh?” I turned around in my chair swiftly.
“It’s me Ryan.”
I’m surprised you’re talking to me. “Hi, I never told you my name did I? Well my mom named me Chirada. I think it’s Russian for something, but Daddy called me Cher.”
“That’s a pretty name,” you mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Uh… nothing. Say, would you like to go to dinner with me tonight, you and I?”
“Really? Yeah sure!”
Our dinner was so great I feel kind of bad that I didn’t spend one dime, but I never tasted such great food. Rice with rich chicken and the best sushi I ever tried. My tongue was in heaven.
The next day you asked me to see a movie but I told you I was blind. I wish I could see the look on your face, but I could tell you were still surprised by your tone.
Few weeks later you took me somewhere on a surprise. It’s a day I’ll never forget. It was a good day but at the same time you made my stomach suddenly turn and my head go light. You’re lucky I didn’t puke on you.
“Cher,” You got down on one knee.
Oh no… what is he thinking?
“Will you marry me? I think I should be responsible for taking care of you.”
Oh my head… I feel like I’m going to faint. Why didn’t this happen another way? Is it always so sudden? Ugh… there’s only one answer I know I should give but I don’t know if I should give it. “Um…well… I guess.”
You weren’t convinced.”Come on yes or no, ‘I guess’ isn’t going to take us anywhere.”
I said yes as you slipped on a ring onto my finger.
Work was still tough. I really started to think I was going to lose my job. You noticed the people doing this to me and took us to court. We got the problem resolved, but they still had to let me go. I was so troubled. I can only keep my house for one more week.
You invited me to live in your home. I guess that the best choice I have. Your home is so huge, roomy, and smells extra clean.
Next day, we get married.
I wasn’t stressed about anything other than how much you were spending on me. You never told me anyways.
It seems like you’re buying everything in the world for me.
Then you cause a miracle to happen.
“Cher, Cher!”
“What dear?”
“I got you something cool!” You sounded like I kid just getting a Christmas present for me.
“Yeah?”
“Stay still and open your eyes while tilting your head back.”
So I tilted my head back and tried to act like a statue. Some moisture dropped into my eye and I started blinking. Gah, it burns! “Ah- hey! What are you doing?”
“Just trust me, don’t blink much.”
I didn’t. There were a few more drops and my vision started looking distorted. Then it happened.
As my eyes burned and I wanted to cry, you pulled my face down to look at you. Wait… I can see you now! “Oh my god!”
You smiled knowing it worked. “Happy early birthday,” you teased.
“Thank you!” I was still color blind but I didn’t care. I could still see your face sparkle like Edward Cullen. The room was spotless, but I wasn’t interested in the room now. I wrapped my arms around you and didn’t want to let go.
“You’re welcome. Don’t bother asking how much I spent. If I had enough money I’d buy you the world.”
Wow. That’s an understatement.
You took me to a place I’ve always wanted to be, a canyon for hang gliding. People here just gave you a glider to rent and had no interest in watching.
“I’ll go first, Cher! I want to show you how good my dad taught me.” You start the glider by yourself. I’m getting really nervous, like I should regret asking to come here. “Woo!” The wind starts picking up.
“I think that’s enough darling!” The glider caught the wind and resistance was pushed against the bottom. It didn’t look graceful anymore. It jerked itself up and started to plummet. It caught more wind and lifted back up. “You should get off now…” My face was written with fear as the glider seemed to gracefully fall to its fate. I couldn’t help but to watch. My stomach grew sick as it fell gracefully at high speeds in front of me, to the ground. Then I heard all kinds of things snap.
Oh no, I don’t even want to check.
I just want to run away.
I’m so scared. What do I do?
I thought it was my turn next… but I never did die. All kinds of good things happened after you, but you are like everything to me. I just lost everything. I do thank you for leaving me with vision though.