Sleeping Beauty with a twist

Once upon a time a long way away there was a girl. She was just a little baby and her parents cherished her with all her heart. But there was something terribly wrong. A wicked fairy visited the baby [Princess Aurora] and was prepared to cast a sepll upon her.1

“What do you want with our poor baby girl?” The queen cried out to the wicked fairy. 2

“Hello evil fairy!” The Fairy emphasized to the crowd of people at the palace.3

The king and queen starred dumb fondly at the fairy. The evil fairy crossed her arms, sighed and began tapping her foot. “Are you that stupid?” she asked blandly. Baby Aurora looked back and forth waiting for an answer. The king scratched his head and the queen held the baby tight to her.4

“I cursed a freaking spell on her!” The fairy yelled. The queen gasped, the crowd gasped, the king scratched his head.5

“Damn it.” Aurora said.6

“What will the curse do?” The queen asked desperately.7

“Nothing.” The fairy replied.8

“Really!?” the queen asked in amazement.9

“Is everyone here dumb? Of course it will do something! When she comes to an age...eh let’s say about 16 she will come upon a spinning wheel. When she pricks her finger she will fall asleep…forever” The wicked fairy laughed and laughed an evil laugh.10

“Eh hem.” The fairy coughed uncontrollably for about half a minute. “Sorry.”11

“Well how do we get rid of the spell?” The queen asked twisting A strand of blonde hair. Aurora reached out from her blanket and smacked her mom’s hand. “You’re not helping.” Aurora said.12

“Ok fine, to make this easier on yourself I will give you the answer to getting rid of the curse. Aurora must find true love. Only a true lover’s kiss can break the spell.” The evil fairy turned.13

“True love?” The queen said glancing at her husband. The king picked his nose then looked around.14

“Oh my gosh.” Aurora cried form her blanket. “I seriously hope I’m not as dumb as you when I grow up.”15

“Good luck honey.” The fairy whispered to her.16

“Thanks, ill need it. So no hard feelings?” Aurora said to the wicked fairy.17

“It’s all good.” The high fived then knuckle touched. “Sorry I’m putting a curse on you it’s just I have to meet my quota, you know how it is right?”18

“Fo sho” the small aurora said from the blanket. With that, the queen lifted up her baby and pondered.19

“Did you just speak?” she asked once again dumbfounded.20

The baby turned to the fairy, “Where the hell has she been?” Aurora turned to her mom and smiled a cute baby smile.21

“Of course she can’t talk. What was I thinking?” The queen put aurora down in her crib so that the fairy may put a spell on her. The Wicked Fairy did a few dance moves and the curse was upon the child.22

“Now that my duty her is over I will just leave.” But before the fairy flew away Aurora spoke up.23

“Wait! How will true love find me?” she cried from the crib.24

“Is our daughter talking Howie?” the queen asked her husband. Howie stood there and suddenly hit himself in the head.25

“He will have to be brave enough to get past the thorn trees I will put up. And once the needle has pricket your finger, everyone in your village will fall asleep with you.” The wicked fairy laughed.26

“Well then I’m screwed either way.” Baby Aurora said falling back onto her back.27

“That just might be true.” The fairy laughed as she flew out the window.28

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The princess finally came of age 15. She was out in the forest when she came upon a strange little house. She could hear singing from inside and decided she would go see who lived there. She was tired from her walk and needed to rest, plus she had never seen the house there before. Aurora knocked on the door and heard a small voice whisper.30

“I beg your pardon?” Aurora asked through the door.31

“I SAID OPEN THE GOSH DAMN DOOR!” Aurora opened the door and walked in. A small lady was working on a machine that spun yarn. 32

“How interesting, may I try that?” Aurora asked the lady.33

“Hell no girlie! Who do you think you are? Sleeping Beauty or something?” The lady yelled turning around.34

“Um…something like that.” Aurora replied now a bit nervous. 35

“Well come over here and sit down.” The lady moved at basically shoved Aurora onto the pedestal. Aurora immediately pricked her finger on a needle. “Shit…” she whispered under her breath. Aurora instantly became sleepy. “I have to go, I need to go!” she cried as she ran from the house. As she made her way back to the castle she saw Great thorn trees growing all around her. “Oh my god, oh no.” She said yawning. Aurora got back to the castle and found her mom. “Mom I’ve pricked my finger!” she said running in.36

“You’re a prick?!” The queen gasped. Suddenly Aurora collapsed on the floor. “True...Love.” she said as she fell into a long slumber.37

About 100 years later a young man was walking through the forest. He had just been hunting and stumbled upon a place he had never been before. “Why so many freaking trees?” he asked himself as he pushed passed them trying not to get stabbed by the thorns. Soon he came upon a palace. “Hey, this reminds e of that one Disney fairy tale.”He said entering the castle. Aurora’s eyes were open and she could see and think. But couldn’t move or talk. ‘How ironic.’ She thought to herself. Then she spotted the prince. ‘Over here!’ she tried to say, but she could only think it.38

“What a beautiful young lady.” The prince said lifting Auroras arm. “Hmm I wonder if this is sleeping beauty, the girl I was meant to kiss.” He said pondering ‘What the hell?’ Aurora thought, ‘Is everyone this stupid around here?!’39

“Well I guess I must kiss you to wake you up.” The prince looked around at all the people asleep on the castle floor as well. “Uh…there’s too many people watching, I can’t just kiss you right here.”40

‘Are you kidding me….’ Aurora thought. ‘This prince is supposed to be my true love? Bull shit.’41

“Ok well I guess I could. But first I need some chap stick.” The prince pulled out a tube of Chap Stick and began to grace it upon his lips. ‘Oh brother’ Aurora rolled her eyes.42

“Ok I’m ready- wait wait wait. I need to brush my teeth, can’t have stinky breath when you kiss a girl.” Conveniently, the Prince Charming pulled out a tooth brush from his back pocket.43

“JUST FUCKING KISS ME!” Aurora yelled.44

“Whoa, calm down.” With that the prince placed a kiss upon sleeping beauties lips. “Took you long enough to get here!”Sleeping Beauty yelled. She picked up a Stick and began to slam it down on the princes back. “100 fucking years of bull shit sleeping and you finally come along! Screw off” With that the Princess went to her room and locked the door.45

“Its so good to have her back.” The queen said smiling.46