A ticking clock counts down the seconds of misery, as shuffling paper and rasping breath fills the leaden silence; gallery faces glare at the man – and yet ignore his anxious sweat-beaded face and the hands incessantly twisting in his lap.1
“How do you plead?” An authoritative voice rings out and all trivial sounds fade.2
The observers draw a collective breath as the response is given. “Guilty, Your Honor.”3
The condemned man’s eyes drop from the clock to the room, memorizing every minute detail as his life is taken as recompense for another’s.4
A contest entry
- Short and Sweet by WritersEffigy.
175 points, ended October 24, 2008, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Follow direction by Reaver.
700 points, ended October 23, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Free write by BuffyTheVampSlayer.
120 points, ended December 15, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I'm Looking for YOU! by Dual.Of.Fireflies.
110 points, ended May 17, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
-
Good story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
wow. That was positively amazing.
-
You've put a lot in very few words here, very good work.
-
You've put a lot in very few words here, very good work.
-
I like how this makes me see what you are writing.
-
I love the way you fit this piece into such a small story. Its absolutely amazing! It deserve GOLD in all contests because it truly caught me.
-
this is short. but a true ending to a story.. death is an end that you can not return from.. as a mortal.
-
Well done, Short and Sweet, I like it! You are a talented writer!
~Cat
-
Perfect way to end the story. His life is gonna change dramatically. It really leaves me wanting more. Thank you for your entry =D
-
Definitely a short story, but in a sense, it's exactly long enough. I feel like this is one of those stories that ends with the main character's death. A life in prison isn't much of a life at all, so it fits. End of Life. End of story.
Didn't like the use of the words "the man" in the first paragraph. Couldn't you use something more descriptive? A different word, an adjective, something. Even if you only use negative words like murderer, criminal, etc. let the reader really get a feel for the character. Your first paragraph is only one sentence, don't be afraid to make it two. -
not again. It has to be the title that keeps bringing me back to your story.
Geri
-
-
That's the third time you have comented on the story, lol!
-
-
awesome job thanx for entering in my contest you made the finalists
-
Ummm.........
Sorry, not over-familiar with the legal process in your neck of the woods, but if someone pleads guilty to a capital crime, it's surely a matter settled out of court. This sounds like a kangaroo court; is that what you're trying to convey? I find this a little confusing. -
-
I only meant to convey that when a life sentence is handed down and someone goes to prison, their life is figuratively 'taken' from them. I mean, how much of a fulfilling life can you have living out your days in seclusion from society?
-
-
You may or may not have been to prison (I suspect not) but have you considered the fact that whilst you have life in your body, you can have hope too? Many life prisoners do live fulfilled lives, albeit without freedom. They can, and often do develop a philosophy that, while not ignoring their imprisonment, leaves space to allow them a repentance as well as hope for their betterment.
I know it was meant to be a thoughtful piece, predicated on how you believe you would feel in the circumstances. All I wanted to do was draw your attention to the difference between your sketch and the reality. I suspect there is merely a sketch without research, a little like drawing something you once glimpsed.
-
-
-
A short poignant piece though maybe you could show us some of the details he is memorising.
-
Very well done! A brief but vivid, palpitating account of a few moments glimpsed at sentencing...
-
Elegent in its simplicity, yet it thrumms with emotion. Well done.
-
You paint a very vivid scene with very few words. That is something that is hard to do well. The first sentence told an amazing amount about the situation and the emotions surrounding it.
-
I've always found it hard to watch trails. The amount of emotion you packed into 100 words is a very respectable acomplisment. I think it is a great story, and makes me intensly sympathize with the man.
-
I already commented and it won't allow a second review on the same story.
.
But it did hook me to read it again. A great peice of writing for so short a story.
Geri.
-
Great Story!
Great, great, great. Loved the ending, left me something to chew on, made me think.
Literally, his plea did not take his life. But in the larger view, his life, as he once knew it, was over. He was figuratively, if not literally over.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
-
This was pretty good.This could be a good beginning for a story. I liked the last line-that legal executions are sort of compensation for the victim's family. I would have liked it if this had been a full-fledged story.
-
Excellent
This is a very quick read. I like the ending, you did a great job making the story feel complete.
Lynn
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Very succint and certainly drops you straight into the lap of the soon to be, dearly departed :0
I'm a big fan of court-room drama; you captured that 'money shot' moment perfectly.
Nice work.
PAULbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I do believe it is twice as difficult to squeeze a story that makes sense into a 100 word limit
Congratulations on winning two trophies for this.
I do believe it is twice as difficult to squeeze a story that makes sense into a 100 word limit than a 50,000 word novel (still, you managed with 91.)
The story is frighteningly realistic and the reader can empathize with your character even though they have no idea of the reason behind the death. That he offers no excuse makes you suddenly feel perhaps he was justified.
The following seems to jump ahead.
“Guilty, Your Honor.”3 in reality would not become an execution, as the last line seems to indicate.
JMHO but you could fix this simply;
(The condemned man’s eyes drop from the clock to the room, memorizing every minute detail his life (as he contemplates why it will )be taken as recompense for another’s.4) That way you stay in the courtroom but separate it from the execution that could be months away.
Just an idea…
You are a very talented writer and I’d look forward to reading more of your work.
Geri
beginning: 5, plot: 5, characters: 5.
-
good work... i would like to see a larger form of this story
-
This is really good :)
I have a few friends that could relate. I like this alot. Very well told in such few words.
M
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Congrats on the silver, nice story in a short form
Riftkin
-
Finalist
Memorising/ Memorizing in 4
I liked the detail you showed in the first sentence. Admirable use of the little space allotted and great idea to write from. I would have never thought to write about such a moment! Bravo!
-
oooooh got me. If I were the judge i would probably give you gold for this one, even over my own entry. Good luck.
-
Wow...this was very good! Tense moment! And the grammars great too!
haha...best of luck to you as my competition!
Adding your comment:
1 - 33 of 33
