He walked down the road, with something different upon a leash; she wore a collar and a cat like outfit, but it was the tail that had all looking at her ass, she swayed her hips with pride and loved the attention she received from all those around, with that cat tail butt plug.1
"Hey, how much to rent your pet?" The tall stranger next to the wall asked him.2
"She is not for rent or sale, she is my kitten." One with leash stated loud and clear.3
The girl followed behind with a smile, and pride on her face.
Author notes
for this contest http://storywrite.com/contest/6796
okay if not what you want .. DQ
A contest entry
- Follow direction by Stryke.
700 points, ended October 23, 2008, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Great job!
"She is not for rent or sale, she is my kitten." The one with the leash stated loud and clear. ‘The’/the
Remove , after road… Not warranted, just easier to read this way. No mental pause.
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Really great story and true to your form
Really enjoyed reading and thanks for entering the contest! Great writing!
Rian
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okay, i removed both the's
seems you know my style
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wow!!!
intresting entry, i guess i must start reading your stories
you really know how to give your readers nice visions ...kidding
really very well written and good piece. good luck for contest
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she wore a collar and a cat like outfit,
I know that with this line you were trying to convey that the "thing" on the leash was something more than a cat, but i just dont like the comma usage before "she". Sounds choppy, i'm not an expert on sentence structure, so i couldnt tell you how to fix it unless you just straight up rewrote that first sentence entirely.
Read it, and if you take a 3rd party's perspective on that first comma you should understand what i mean. -
I know I might seem naive here but is this like d and m or something and the person with the leash is walking a girl dressed like a kitten with a butt plug tail in?? very clever and twisted use of this competition, twisted in a good way.
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Well done!!! You know just how to get the attention of your readers.
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Scoping the competition! :)
Very intersting! Not my genre, but really great! Good luck in the compie!
yay!
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