Stentor

Missing image
STENTOR1

In an unnamed land, in an unchronicled time, there existed a dragon named Stentor. He gave himself that name because he thought it potent with power, vigor and might. Little did he realize it was merely the name of a lowly protozoan, a one-celled creature, like the amoeba.2

Stentor lived alone and roamed the many miles of his home forest, feasting on berries of all sorts, leafy greens, and occasional sweet, tasty bark from the tall, thick maple trees. In his spare time, he watched the ocean, examined the rare sea-shells that littered the shore, and at times exhaled some faint (but ominous- looking) puffs of smoke.3

Aside from providing for his considerable sustenance, the chore that occupied most of Stentor’s time was building and constantly fortifying his shelter. The lair, as he enjoyed calling it, was built of flat rocks and wood, dried mud, and a somewhat complicated concoction of ground sea-shells and moss originated by Stentor himself. It surrounded and fairly hid the entrance to a cave that furnished Stentor with greater protection and insulation than did his entry way, but he enjoyed the frontispiece and took much pride in its appearance (even though there was no one but Barney, the local wizard, to take note of and admire it).4

Where there is a dragon, everyone knows, somewhere, there must exist a wizard. And on Stentor’s island, Barney was that guy. Barney was more a friend and confidant than a wizard, but since Stentor was a bona fide dragon, he thought it only appropriate, and preferred to think of Barney as a wizard. 5

The days and nights and the afternoons passed as they should, uneventfully, as Stentor’s lair grew more and more elaborate and whimsical, adorned with his eccentric frills. He fed upon almost everything edible on the island, nearly depleting the land of its seemingly endless acres of tasty berries. But he was not a happy beast.6

Stentor was lonely. It was not so much the loneliness that disturbed him, as was his being alone. Or, he thought, was it not so much his being alone that troubled him as much as his loneliness? Either way, he was unhappy, and the more he thought of this question, the more he lumbered about, the more unhappy he became.7

So it was nothing all that particularly atypical or unusual when Stentor paid a seemingly casual visit to Barney to seek his sagacious counsel. 8

“To what do I owe the honor?” asked Barney, as he looked up at the towering Stentor casting a very long and dark shadow before Barney’s cave, as the beast blocked the afternoon sun.9

“Barney,” said the dragon, “I’m not happy anymore. There is no joy in my step, no glad anticipation in my day. I seem to be suffering from a certain ennui.” And Stentor hung his head.10

“Stentor,” said Barney (who was not all that much of a wizard, but who had heard of wizards, and who did his best to act wizardly, and who knew what ennui meant), “there doesn’t seem to be any reason for your gloom.”11

“That’s the trouble,” said Stentor. “I’m blue, but I don’t know just why…and that is what appears to be making it worse. Imagine how I will feel when something really goes wrong.”12

“Well, so far,” said Barney, "nothing has gone awry except the loss of your spirits. And you seem to be the primary cause of their having gone south. Find your good spirits, Stentor, and when you do, store them in a safe place and don’t lose sight of them again.”13

They had tea and some fine berry bread that Barney had baked himself, and afterwards Stentor, with his head hung uncharacteristically low, went out to look for his good spirits. He still had some hope which enabled him to do this, and without which he would have been completely defeated and lost. While he prowled about (really walking, but he preferred to think of himself as prowling) Stentor was thrashing through the bramble when he noticed a bluejay and a bright red cardinal circling over a nearby thicket. Below, there was a flurry of movement behind a logan berry bush. The moving thicket was nearly fifty yards away, but Stentor thought he saw a flash of rainbow scales and a pair of violet eyes through the leaves that were almost as high as he was. The image was clear but short lived as it quickly vanished and became lost in the dark woods.14

For the remainder of that late afternoon and well into evening Stentor stomped through the area where he saw the rainbow flash and the strangely memorable eyes, but he could locate no trace of what he now considered to be an apparition.15

Still he could not forget the image and just by closing his eyes could envision the flicker of the iridescent scales he had seen and the majestic frame atop of which he imagined those violet eyes.16

“I think I will call her Mariella,” thought Stentor, for somehow he was convinced the eyes and the diaphanous scales belonged to a lady dragon. And that night his sleep was deep and restful, and full of a quiet anticipation.17

Each subsequent day Stentor trolled the beaches, prowled the woods, and thrashed though the bramble, gathering material for his cave frontispiece and eating the fattest, juiciest, berries he could find. He searched for Mariella, and once when he saw a strange shadow in the forest and thought he had heard an unusual sound, he imagined it was her. With his heart full of hope, he cried, “Mariella!” and ran, galloping to that very spot, but to no avail, for the rustling had stopped. When he reached the bush, there was nothing but a patch of elderberries, blueberries and loganberries, and the dark feather of a hawk.18

For the rest of that year, Stentor thought of Mariella and although he could not seem to find her he took a new joy in waking, in the warm sun, in his repasts of berries and sweet bark, and took new buoyancy in his long and lonely swims in the sea. Each day, on his way back to his lair he brought more and more material for his glorious frontispiece and took special pleasure reclining on his balcony puffing light clouds of smoke, (a result of the flames that burned within) looking out at the sea, waiting for Mariella…or at least another a sign of her.19

Somehow he knew the day was near when he would meet the violet eyes once more; when he would catch a glimpse of those gossamer folds. She was there; he could sense her presence. It was she who held his spirits, and perhaps, he thought, that was a safer place than when they had been entrusted to him. At least, now, he knew where they were…with Mariella. If only he could find a trace of her; if only he could find her.20

But the days and the years drifted by and Stentor, although he always passed that special thicket, never again came upon a sign of Mariella. There were even days when he spied the bluejay and the cardinal in flight or perched on a nearby bough but there was no Mariella.21

Stentor enjoyed the warm afternoons and his walks by the sea; he built up the most beautiful frontispiece on the island and stocked his lair with stores of berries and jams and the finest leaves and maple bark, and on certain days when the seasons changed, he took a hiatus from his appointed rounds and took tea with Barney. And when their teas were over Stentor left Barney, his hopes renewed, and strode, homeward bound, where he did what great dragons of the past did. He turned Mariella into art and literature by keeping her in his thoughts and constructing his frontispiece as a monument to her.22

One day Stentor, who no longer thought of himself as prowling (when he merely strolled) and who no longer breathed any fire, walked into his beloved sea to let the waters wash over him as he turned, for the last time, to face his island and that wondrous spot where he had first discovered the rainbow scales, those eyes, and the safe-keeper of his good spirits. 23

As the tide came in, and began to sweep Stentor’s body farther and farther out to sea, he strained for a final glimpse of his beloved spot. And there, through the thicket, nearly altogether hidden by the greenery, were the violet eyes of Mariella. And there was Mariella herself. He watched her as she lifted her violet eyes to him and he knew that, should he swim to shore and gallop to her, she would be gone. So he thought his thoughts and wallowed in their comfort and beauty. And Mariella watched him, he imagined, with a certain love and admiration, as he drifted quietly out on the swift tide. Above, the bluejay and the cardinal flew in circles high over the logan berries.24

Author notes

This is not really my bag...but it is a favorite of many of my favorites around here...so I thought I would try my hand...for me...perhaps for them. Gezza? Valkyrie?
Favorite food? What else? Berries!
"Yes, Amanda V..."Anything Mystical, Fantasy, Wizards etc. etc. Goes!"
And...this FANTASY was by...Gary Alexander!(Chief Wizard & Dragon in his own right!)
For Amanda Vampiress
Option two
Fantasy
(Gary Alexander)

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 85 of 85

  • Elmeresia
    June 22
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    I really love fantasy, and although it didn't have the happiest ending, it made me love it even more. I got the feeling that Stentor was finally excepting that he would never really meet Mariella, but he was okay with that.
    Thanks for entering the contest!


  • Bring Me To Life silver member
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    wow. i luv fantasy, and this is one of the best fantasy stories i've eve rread. good job good luck and thanks for entering


  • TabbyCat
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    Although I am not usually a big fan of fantasy...I LOVE this. You've written an engaging and relatable piece. I wish it had ended more happily tho!

  • rolla-neoptolemou
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    i liked the way it was written more than the actual plot! keep it up!;D


  • Violette silver member
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    Yay! Another dragon story, a writer after my own heart lol Thanks for entering this, dragon stories rule. It was well written and maintained a consistent flow. Good job.


  • cole3313
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    Aww that was really really good! I really liked it. Great job and thanks for entering my contest.


  • Spiders Kiss
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    That's very well written and there's a beautiful flow that's always there. The whole dragon idea with Stentor and Mariella makes it very contrasting, I believe, and you may have a chance of winning this contest! Good Luck!

  • fresh mint
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    this is a good story, and you have exellent flow in your writing. i understand the heartbreak, sort of, but i wish the story was a little more.......descriptive about the heartbreak. keep writing!!!!!


  • Angelic Dragon
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    Im happy some one is doing a dragon story instead of a vampire story. I'm currently writing the tenth chapter of my own dragon story. Thank you for writing this.


  • silkcatseye
    May 12

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I realy enjoyed reading your story it is well written it flows beautifully. I liked the detail of the magestic Drgon nd the way you describe the isand.
    I like dragons as well as the vamire werewolves and other supernatual creatures.
    This is a great story cildren would love to read it even though the end is sad. well done


  • Carina.J.LR
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    You're story was well written and quite interesting. Please keep writing.

    Thanks for entering and goodluck!! >smiles<

    -Carina


  • Cranberry665
    March 27
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written! like amazing


  • artaq
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this! The only thing I saw, might be changed... Is paragraph 3 ou startd a sentence with And...
    really good story..


  • Maggie Kay
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    different from what i was expecting but really good. I actually didnt think i would get a fantisy in this competition so thats a nice change
    congrates and thanks for entering


  • Lady Pixie silver member
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    Very good! This is beautifully written and I adore the great detail you put into this. I loved reading this- and I believe I see what quotes you are referring to for the contest Thanks for entering and good luck


  • Heropsycho
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    It seemed so short, but it was sweet and well written, and very bittersweet at the end.

  • Black-Bird
    February 28

    Edit | Reply

    Nice...

    I absolutely loved this story! It was so beautiful. How Mariela is always on Stentor's mind, how in the beginning he's so lonely, but one glimpse of her soothes him for the remainder of his life. Every part flowed beautifully.
    Good luck in my contest!


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    Stentor is such a majestic creature. Gob well done! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story. Keep up the good work, and good luck with my contest.


  • SunshineDancer423
    February 20

    Edit | Reply

    Liked it

    I liked it, I would have liked a little more, I don't know, something, just, Mariella, being REALLY THERE, and them being torn apart, more people, etc. It was really good, I liked it, but as I said, I would have liked something more.

    SunshineDancer

  • DeathByChocolate silver member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    awesome story. i dont really like the names much, but thats just me and my weirdness lol


  • hotwaxtears
    February 15

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    The descriptions were gorgeous. I really liked the simple and direct way the dragon thinks, and I could picture the island perfectly. I think that Barney the wizard COULD have been left out, but really he's fine in it. Best of luck!


  • HowlofSerendipity Greeters member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Again, this is a really impressive story, Gary. I'm not much into dragon stories aside from the Pern series, but this story did draw me in. Even reading it the second time around. Good luck in the contest and I'll let you know Saturday what I decide.


  • Snow Angel
    February 7
    Edit | Reply
    Okay I am going to be truthful i hate the name barney. He is my only weakness well barney and snakes. I'm okay with spiders in fact we have a pet spider...sexy is her name. Don't poke at me my mom named her. but barney I always saw as a creepy famous rapist. But wow this story is a lot better than your other one. I actually like it.


  • Host
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good, i enjoyed reading this peice. The picturing was great, the description that went with it as well. I didn't find any errors; I wish you good luck in the contest!

    Host


  • Valkyrie silver member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh, it's a pleasure again to read of Stentor and Mariella. Thanks for entering my Valentine contest!


  • SaffronGreenSpirit
    January 24
    Edit | Reply
    I've already read this and even commented on it..so no comments. Just in case you get irritated when the host of a contest doesn't comment on your story.


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    January 21

    Edit | Reply
    Para 1: This is an opinion of style, but I would leave out the comma between "that name" and "because he thought." Also, the semicolon is not quite correct - I might suggest a dash instead. Incidently, I am familiar with stentors, having taught my share of introductory biology labs. I think they're kind of cute.

    Para 2: "and occasional sweet, tasty bark..." - occassional works in this context, but I think occassionally might work even better...? Also, "ominous-looking" should be hyphenated, since it is a single two-word adjective.

    Para 3: The period at the very end of this paragraph should be outside of the paranthesis, not inside.

    Para 4: Good - only thing I'll mention is that the syntax makes it a little unclear who the pronoun "he" is referring to in "he thought it only appropriate."

    Para 5: Good

    Para 6: "Either way, he was unhappy, and the more he thought of this question..." I don't think that "he was unhappy" qualifies as a question. *laughs* Also, I think in the third sentence you might use "so much as his loneliness" - though I'm not sure if that's necessarily more grammatically sound. *shrugs*

    Para 7, 8, 9: Good

    Para 10: The comma you currently have placed after "Barney" should probably be moved to after the paranthetical statement and just before the quotation begins again.

    Para 11, 12: Good

    Para 13: I think a comma after the paranthetical statement might be prudent - what do you think?

    Para 14, 15: Good. Though what do you think about combining these two paragraphs? They don't really change subject matter all that much...

    Para 16: Good

    Para 17: "With his heart full of hope, he cried, "Mariella!" and ran..." - You need that comma after "he cried." Pesky, I know.

    Para 18: You had Stentor gathering new material for his frontispiece just last paragraph - be careful of unintentional repetition. If it is intentional...well smack me a bit and I'll get on with the editing. *laughs* Also, once again I suggest moving the comma to after the paranthetical statement instead of before it.

    Para 19: Good

    Para 20: As before, be careful of unintentional repetition - you've already passed a year and talked about the day...and now days and years are drifting by.

    Para 21: Good - and quaint.

    Para 22: Is he committing suicide??

    Para 23: Interesting ending, though it makes me wonder why he decided to just drift off. He seemed remarkably happy on the island, despite never seeing Mariella again.

    General: I find it interesting that you spend so much time introducing Barney as a character and the structure of his frontispiece, but never use them in the culmination of the story. I don’t know if that is necessarily a bad thing – just a comment on the structure of your story. The only other thing I would like to see is a bit of the justification for why Stentor drifts away at the end. Is he old and dying? Has his frontispiece finally been finished and he’s content to be done with the island? Has Barney died and left Stentor alone? There must be a reason, then the ending will work perfectly.

    Let me know if you want to discuss any of this, or if you have any questions about these comments.


  • HowlofSerendipity Greeters member
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    oh. forgot to mention that I really liked the way you described Stentor. He doesn't know that a stentor is actually a one-celled organism? that's funny. brownie points for getting me to laugh. and re-reading your authors notes above your username, i see you did pretty much say you're choice. sorry. i don't know where my mind is.


  • HowlofSerendipity Greeters member
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    In paragraph 2, the comma after tasty isn't needed. Neither are the commas after time or faint since you have the parentheses.
    other than that, I don't really have many complaints. It's a bit slow, but I didn't specify how dragons stories were supposed to be written so no worries there. you did, however, forget to put your option choice in your authors notes. i know it's fantasy, but could you please put the option choice in anyways? thanks for entering and I'll reread on the Feb 14th to judge the contest.


  • claudia6662
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    god, completley different to what i thought it would be. Hi by the way, ive been gone far to long. I really like it, its tota;y differnt to what i expected.


  • citcat
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    omg that was soo awesome
    i really enjoyed it
    and i actualli didnt get sidetracked reading it, and thats saying somethin cause im half aslepp. it thinks it was really good. keep writin heaps of stuff like this, cause i will sure read them!


  • boxOFjuice
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    EXCELLENT!!!!! XD My fav short story EVER. Stentor the dragon...why'd he have to DIE though? T . T

    Write MORE of this sort! XD I really, really LOVE it.


  • Bloody-Ink
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    wow, that was very impressive. I would have expected to find at least some grammatical errors or spelling mistakes in this, but there were none. This was very good!!!

  • faeriestone
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    There are several stories of good, and bad, witches, faeries, demons, etc so why not dragons? Has no-one ever heard of, 'Puff the Magic Dragon?'

    I thought this story was great! Poor Stentor! I felt his loneliness but was glad he found his spirits even though the ending was sad!


  • gocubsgo25 silver member
    December 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good.

    I liked it. What else can I say? I guess I'll go more in depth...I liked how Stentor gained a purpose in life, satisfying the reader and resolving the 'conflict' at the same time. This was a satisfying story. I kept wondering whether Mariella was real or not. Perhaps descriptions could be a bit more detailed, and how and where Stentor and Barney came from, but it's a short story after all and space is limited.

    Thanks for a good read.


  • Friesian gold member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    awww!

    This is such a great little story! I love dragons, and this really caught my eye! Excellent use of words and the 'voice' is really gripping to me. Very deep and it makes the reader think...A very well-written story with an excellent plot and memorable characters. Great job!


  • Sincerely.Yours
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a little hard to get into but that's okay,It was good.

    Good Luck!

  • condor
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a superb little story about a dragon.I like the idea of him losing his spirit and regaining it with the thought of someday meeting with Mariella. The wizard was right, wasn't he. The dragon had indeed put his spirits in a good keeping place where they would never be lost. One wonders whether, if he had swum back to the shore, whether Mariella would have remained or disappeared once again. You did a top job on this piece and i think it held a lot of magic in the words. I watch this cartoon every afternoon called 'Jane and the Dragon' It is quite good with a hidden moral in it. Your poem reminded me of this cartoon and i was spellbound to the end. I am a science fiction buff, but dragons are something i really do like. I have a dragon screensaver. As for anything to improve this piece....I think not. Perhaps, maybe, sometime, if you feel, you may want to continue this and bring this wonderful dragon back to us. I would very much enjoy it. Thank you so much for the most wonderful read.


  • Lithron
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very good! So far, I have not found a single thing by you that I do not like. I hope you keep writing, because you apaerntly enjoy it and it shows in your writing.


  • EphemeralStyle
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very skilfully written, though I don't think you read the contest very carefully ^^"

    Your writing sometimes reminds me of the work of a friend of mine. Especially with your use of brackets And... sort of... the tone that your writing seems to be in? Well, if you’re curious, his name on here is Desgan Norglamas. He doesn’t come online much, so I think he only has one or two stories posted, but yeah. Anyways… back to your story

    It had a lovely ending; I was getting all emotional over here xD I like the name 'Stentor' too. Like I said, very well written. Good luck in the contest.

    Eph

  • shan700
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Look

    You made me do something I normally don't do. AWWWWWWWW! Very well written (as usual), and I hope to see more, many more tales on such a high level. Thanks for such a fine read.


  • DylanBranson
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There. That should do it... Sorry mate


  • DylanBranson
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I really enjoyed this. This is probably my favorite piece you've written. Georgeous details, and there's never anything wrong with a talking dragon.

  • hawkeslake
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I took you at your word and decided to check out some of your other stories. This one is quite wonderful, the unrequited love that actually made the protagonist happy! The ending isn't so much sad as poignant. A fine read for Sunday afternoon.

  • Angelshadow
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Omg like I love this story and basically anything to do with dragons!

    I loved it and I can sense the symbolism here, I thought it was amusing how you explained he actually walked instead of strolled and such

    I really liked reading this and it made me grin, thanks for sharing ^_^


  • WritersEffigy Greeters member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice!
    I liked the humor concerning Barney.
    Well written "Blah blah repetitive comment blah".


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Bravo! This story was superb! Stentor seems like such a lovey creature, brave and majestic. I enjoyed reading this story, though I hate sad endings, this one seemed fitting. The descriptions were very good, and the story well thought out. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!


  • Inkling
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhhh, I liked this story. I wanted him to find Mariella, but this ending does fine for me. ^-^ Because I don't like happy, happy endings. Because I'm weird like that. Great story!


  • tonialoise
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Darn you I have tears in my eyes!

    You know I'm sitting here imagining an old grandpa in a soft voice telling me this tale as I'm tucked in bed. Except the old guy wouldn't use words like diaphanous on a little kid. (ooohhhh I learned a new word!)

    It's quite eloquent and the flow is great! It's got a nice moral too. Ah... but if only it had a happy ending!


    From the contest point of view; I'm a little put off in his being able to talk with humans (as it's a contest about animals after all ). Of course we don't really KNOW if dragons could talk with humans or not, so it's just a little hang up on my part.

    I love dragons so of course you get a little extra credit for that. And it evens back out again.


  • Azaradelle Moderators member
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    *crying*

    I was already emotional!!!
    Yeesh Gary.
    This was so beautiful. As i was reading it i thought this would be something my baby brother would enjoy too... but the ending isnt a happy one, and i dont want to thrust the poor kid into reality just yet!
    You've labelled this piece under fiction and fantasy - when in all honesty, i think it relates to truth and reality far more than it does to the other two categories.
    Love is sad and cruel
    The fairytales LIED to me!

    So glad i read this.


    Yrs.

    Azaradelle.


  • Elisabeth gold member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed meeting Stentor, what a noble, gentle dragon he is. You have told his tale beautifully and quietly. The peace of his island reached me through your words. I chuckled in some parts, the humour fitted in so well.

    Was Mariella a creation of his desire for companionship? Did Barney 'assist' his friend to regain his spirits? Was Mariella real? We shall never know unless we ask the bluejay and the cardinal.

    A wonderful fantasy, and a very different view of the dragon species.

    Thank you for writing this, Gary. May you write more fantasies to refresh our jaded minds.

    Lis.


  • poetry is soul
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i liked the story... stentor is a rather unusual name, but then again, it is the name of a dragon, and it was kinda cool. i really liked the story. i have to disagree with some of the people below me... i think it was great, and i thought it was a pretty good FANTASY story. keep up the good work!


  • scriptor
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was pretty good, and as im sure you know it was the title that drew me in. I have to admit i was somewhat dissapointed by the lack of a, how should i put it? Fantasy theme, maybe? However much it lacked in fantasy, i deffinatly did not lack in any other way. This was a good piece of work.
    bret


  • Silver Dancer silver member
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i liked this allot and well i like a hole lot of things and i do agree with B Chandler i was a a fiction more than a fantasy and i just don't think i was the best peace of writing that i have received in this contest

    please i am not trying to sound offensive please do be offended it was a good read though


  • B Chandler Greeters member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Take this as no offense but although this story is tickling my fiction bone, it isn't doing so well tickling my fantasy bone. But a good read nonetheless


  • Granny Frikkin Smith
    October 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    P2- comma after shore
    - I'd switch the commas before and after "but ominous" to dashes.
    P3- 'originated' by Stentor himself? One usually originates 'from,' maybe "created by" or "invented by?" It's not that I don't see what you're trying to say with "originated," it just might offended grammarians like myself.
    Ennui! Boy, do I love that word. Thank you, Gary. Reminds me of my travels in Luxembourg where the educated liked to toss it around over coffee and Sunday afternoons.

    P14- I love that Stentor munches human food with Barney; it adds to the personification of Stentor and helps the reader believe his emotions.

    Poor Stentor, he loved until the end. I just wish I understood why Mariella wouldn't reach out to him, just once. But oh, to be a love-torn poet! God bless the Stentors of the world.


    • Gary Alexander silver member
      October 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      To My Favorite Commentator

      Hello again, G, and welcome back. The comma has been placed. You are most correct. It had eluded me. Thanks.
      I like your placement of dashes or hyphens...or whatever they are called...instead of the comma. I must admit to a certain ignorance as to their correct usage, so I comprimised and used a similar device of mine, the parens, to offset "but ominous!" Thanks again.
      As to the seashell and moss concoction "originated by" Stentor...I can see "created by" as that WAS the meaning I meant to convey...but I really don't understand what you meant by quarreling with "originated." It WAS his creation...he DID originate it! (So...I left it! lol!)
      Thanks for noticing the significance of Stentor taking tea and munching on fine berry cakes. You shall be invited to their next tea.
      I must, however, correct you on your take of Mariella. She WAS only a vision...a dream which rendered Stentor's otherwise mundane existence somewhat more palatable and interesting. Otherwise, Granny, I'm sure she would have gravitated to Stentor...and most certainly would have "reached out!"
      Thanks again, G,
      GA


  • Granny Frikkin Smith
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm going, I'm going!
    Sheesh. An old lady suffers identity crisis and takes a brief vacation only to return and be harassed by a friend about a fairytale, of all things!
    I'd name my dragon Seltzinor, p.s


  • Robin Omallia
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this.
    It was very well written and it caught my attention through out the whole story.
    Thanks for entering my contest!


  • ablelaz silver member
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Gary---I like your story Stentor, very much.

    It’s a light hearted look at a mystical, land of questionable merits. You put a lot of time and effort into design and adhering to that design. If the reader doesn’t buy into your make-believe world, he at least has to admire your tenacity.

    Perhaps I can be forgiven when I give passing nods, to your invention of the word, unchronicled, because in an unworld it doesn’t seem all that wrong. However I can’t help but suggest that you place a comma after the word existed.

    The other thing, and by no means a criticism, is your prediction of a dragon who is both, social and rather charming. My impression of them up until now was one of brutality, savagery and unsocial behavior.

    Oh well I suppose I will have to go through what remains of my life, never knowing for sure just what to expect of my dragon friends, or unfriends whichever the case may be.

    Very good effort–despite the nonsensical Nature of this piece I rate it as one of your best productions.
    I will untalk to you soon----ablelaz.


  • Shimmerfairy
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is beautiful writing! i loved your descriptiveness, and the ending seemed fit somehow!
    Thanks for entering!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Gary! I come back from vacation and you've gone and written a fantasy story! Wow!! And naturally, a really touching one at that. Aww, I could totally feel your natural vibe even in this unfamiliar (to you) genre. The emotion and depth of experience was still there. That, my friend, is the tao of Gary.


  • SaffronGreenSpirit
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was really strange. I thought it was cute at first, the way he was infatuated with Mariella, but in the end, she seemed to me like just a hallucination. Was she really just a mirage, or a lady dragon?
    Your vocabulary was daunting. I don't know what ennui means, and I don't know what diaphanous or gossamer means either. I seriously have no idea where you get such words from.
    Good story anyways.


  • Scott Chason
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh this too


  • Scott Chason
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Man i enjoyed this, I really did. A very different attitude toward the often black and white landscape of fire breathing dragons and clashing swords. When I read a manuscript, I expect two things: Emotion and flowing sentences. You gave me both. This would be perfect for children age 10-15 I think. I'm npt even going to critique it, because though it is not perfect, I never stopped reading it from start to finish. Usually when I have a mind for editing, I will stop, scowl, and write suggestions every 5-6 lines but you just never gave me the oppurtunity to want to break at a fine toothed comb. I enjoyed your work, and good luck in the contest.


  • Surreal Rhapsody
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ^_^ Hi Gary. Still love the storyu- it is so so amazing. You entered my contest, and will definitally win something in it because your stoy hed meaning and was a perfect legnth for a short story. Although, don't take offense if you don't get 1st place. You will win SOMETHING, but I would feel like I'm taking favortism if I give it to you. If there is nothing that even amounts up to this, you will win, no doubt, and you will win something, agian, there is no Q in my mind. I snet you my story review in a message, earlier, so Ithought this would be my comment.

    Here are some clappy's foir ya! :


  • StreetRider
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol, so she finally in the end. I see where you are getting it, and it was a very good story. So keep up the good work buddy!


  • DoozerDan silver member
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hah, all that and she comes as he's dying? I'd be rather annoyed if I saw her on the seashore as I was drowning myself.

    Haha, naw, I get what you're at. An enjoyable story, Gary, nicely told. Good thing dragons probably have stronger personalities then humans, otherwise I'd find it hard to believe the thought of her kept him going for years, haha.

    Only thing I noticed, was in Para 13, you missed the quotation mark before 'nothing...'.

    Thanks for letting me know about this, enjoyed.

    . Rewarded 8

  • MajorTom
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The piece was bogged down with a noticeable lack of rhetoric or literary devices, at least in the sense of figurative language or interesting imagery (as I re-read, I found a bit more than I did the first time). This piece is all tell and very little 'show'. I did like that you manage to express the ideas intelligently, but I loathe the narrative voice used here. This wasn't a bad piece, but I did not enjoy it- not that I'm insinuating that I know what makes a good fantasy writer, because I certainly do wonder how some of them get published.

    . Rewarded 8


  • Terry Collett
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very good composition.

    Not my favourite genre. In fact, I would not have bothered to read it had your name not been attached. But that said you have written it well and interestingly.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I like this.

    p13 "Well, so far," said Barney(. "Nothing) has gone awry, (And)[Not usually a good way to begin a sentence. You could omit it or connect it to the preceding sentence. However, dialogue is less formal.]

    p24 (And) beginning the sentence again, but it is your decision.


    I would have liked it if Stentor had found his Mariella. This is a good ending, but I'm a romantic. Ahem, when I'm not killing off unsuspecting females.

    Andy


  • Prodigious.Mirth gold member
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well I sure do understand the romance of it all. It was quiet interesting for a fantasy and not really "My Bag" either. But needless to say it was a captivating read and the language used was exceptional.

    Yet: I don't understand.

    Was the message no matter what troubles in life we have we can always look forward to a brighter future or am I lost?


  • Rosemary silver member
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    A tearful good bye

    I'm one of those people who watch Puff the Magic Dragon with a box of tissues. I liked the story, but wanted that happy ending.

    . Rewarded 4


  • angelaononchan
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This a beautifully written story, I love fantasy, I just like it. Just exellent. Good job, I liked your descriptions, I could see it all in my head. You described the dragon well. I liked the way you said that the dragon kept on finding the female dragon and he finnaly found her. And I like happy endings. This was sort of romance but more in fantasy, I usaully hate romance but you made me read it because it was about fantasy at the same time. Keep up the excellent work.

    . Rewarded 8


  • gezza gold member
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You have scaled the summit!

    Absolutely fantastic! I am in awe. It has a bit of Terry Pratchett, a bit of Roald Dahl, a bit of Oscar Wilde. The story is witty, whimsical, delightful and, at the end, full of pathos. Welcome to the fold, Gary, and sit down and enjoy some Ent Drought with us!

    . Rewarded 6


  • callthexylophone
    October 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    elderberries!


  • Anaya Roma
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    What about me???

    You mention Gezza and Valkyrie, but what about me, your friend, Anaya? I love fantasy! Thank you very much for applying your solid writing skills to this new subject matter!
    Just one little thing here: “To what do I owe the honor,” asked Barney, as he looked up at the towering Stentor casting a very long and dark shadow before Barney’s cave, as the beast blocked the afternoon sun?9 I think the question mark should go immediately after honor, then the closing quote mark and the rest of the sentence thereafter.

    Anaya


  • Mel-the-Believer
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a wonderful story and although I'm not usually one for fantasy, I loved this. Excellently written. Wonderful job. Keep on writing. God Bless!

1 - 85 of 85