It’s cold, so cold. The air stings my face as I pull the covers over my head. Oh, forget it. I might as well freeze to death. I pull the covers up to look at the analogue clock. 3:27AM. I need to go back to bed. The covers come close to my lips and I swish my hair out of the way. 1
So what did you think of Roxy? What was I suppose to think of her? She was a very nice girl, nothing wrong with that is there? No, but I think she was a little too affectionate with you. Your heart was pounding when she touched you. My stupid thoughts, and me can shut the hell up. So what? I wasn’t expecting her to do that to me. 2
I mean really…the last person to really touch me was Rachel. I don’t want to get attached to this girl. I can’t, I won’t do it. She was holding my hand, when my eyes opened. Her cold hand was clutching mine. I could barley feel her trying to hold on, I was in too much pain. I was supposed to die. They doctors said god must have some great plan for me. So what is it god. What do you want from this failure? 3
What can this failure do? I clench my teeth trying not to cry. Rachel, he killed her. 4
“WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?” I scream 5
Tears roll down my face, and my hands cover the tears rolling down my cheeks. Why, why her. You could have token me. 6
She deserved to live; she had a purpose, a life more important than mine. That’s what I thought, when the gun pointed at her.7
Take me instead 8
No, god doesn’t listen to me; god doesn’t even hear me as I silently cry. If there is a god, where is he now? My words don’t matter, they can’t help anyone. They memories hurt so much. 9
“Jeremy I’ll push you if you don’t hurry up! I swear, I said I wanted some candy!” 10
“Alright Rachel, hold on a second, and don’t push me!” 11
Her hands hit on my back pushing me into the door, I could here her giggling, I turned around and saw her face flushing. 12
“What are you blushing for?” I pulled her to me and held her close 13
“No reason! Get off, I want to go inside and get my candy!” She lifted her head and smiled at me. She stepped on my toes and kissed me softly, and then she grabbed my hand and opened the door.14
That was the last time that I ever kissed her. Tears rolled down in steams, silently. I wiped the tears away with my arm. 15
She ran into the store, giggling. She ran down the isle, and I waited for her, till she came back with the bag of lemonheads. She looked so cute, standing their smiling, red face. Holding the bag of candy. She was almost as sweet as those lemonheads. I walked up to her, and made a face, sticking my tongue out. 16
Then the bell on the door rang, as he opened the door. I remember looking away from her and grabbing the bag of candy. Then seeing the Gun, at Rachel’s heart. 17
“Empty the register or the girl dies! NOW!!” 18
He looks back at Rachel, clutching my jacket’s arm. Then back to the cashier, scrambling for the keys. Then he loses it. 19
It was the loudest bang, I had ever heard. I pulled Rachel to my chest, and my back faced the gunman. I heard I loud crack, and felt the most physically pain I ever had. I screamed and remembered falling to the floor. Still holding the lemonheads I remember feeling the warm blood on the floor as I lay there. 20
“GET UP GIRL! LET GO OF HIM!” 21
I saw her cry, her hand shaking in mine. She didn’t let go of me, but she stood, she looked at me, brown eyes filled with fear looking at the gunman. 22
“I SAID LET GO!” 23
“NO I’M NOT LETTING GO!” 24
The gunman didn’t seem to care, and everything went black after that. My father said that she got shot after that, I don’t know how he knows. Come to think of it, he has the video from the store. I couldn’t watch it. 25
I’d cry, I’m crying right now thinking about it. 26
My hand grasps the bed hard, and I let out a soft cry. I still have the lemonheads. Doctors said that I was grasping onto them in pain, the whole surgery I had them in my hand. They couldn’t pry them out of my hand until they put me down. 27
Rachel, everything here reminds me of you. 28
Wait, I pull the covers over me. 29
Someone opens my door. 30
“Jeremy?” The voice is soft, and gentle. 31
“Rachel?” I turn to look at Roxy. 32
“Jeremy, its me, Roxy. Why are you crying?” Her body shifts and she sits on the bed.33
I tear away from her, looking away crying. 34
“Jeremy…” She says it so softly. I feel her hand touch my shoulder and pull me to look at her. 35
“What’s wrong, why did you call me Rachel?” Her blue eyes stare at me, so concerned. She looks as if she actually cares. Does she? 36
“D-Did I call you Rachel?” I look at her sadly. 37
“Um, yeah. You did…who’s Rachel.” 38
I love of my life, my dead darling, the only thing I care about, the thing I let down, the cold body I still yearn for. Everything.39
“It doesn’t mater,” I clutch my leg40
“Was she the girl in the picture?” She still holds her cold blue stare. She has to be psychic.41
“Yes…” Then, she curls up next to me. I don’t know why she does. Her head lies on my chest, not looking at me any longer. Her hand grasps my mine, and something tell me to hold it back. 42
“R-Rachel…I” 43
She grasps my hand as I cry, and her hands are so cold. 44
“W-why are your hands so cold…” 45
“I have bad circulation, so naturally I get really cold. Especially my hands and feet.” 46
“Oh, I see,” At this point I’m still crying, and she’s still holding on.47
“How did she die?”48
“She shouldn’t have died. I should have. I could have saved her.” I cried 49
“It’s not your fault, can you tell me more?” 50
“It’s the reason I’m this way, I lost her, and my ability to walk.” 51
“Was she your-”52
“Girlfriend, yes,” 53
“Oh, I’m so sorry Jeremy…” I feel damp on my chest where she lay. 54
“Are you crying?” 55
“Y-yes” 56
“Please don’t, I don’t want you to cry” Wait do I care about this girl? Crying in my arms? Do I mean, what I am saying? Jeremy what are you doing? 57
“I’m sorry, about your girlfriend Rachel, and losing your ability to walk. It’s just not fair.”58
“I know Roxy, I know it’s not fair. Life really hasn’t been so fair to me this past year. It seems that nothing can make me happy anymore. That’s why my doctor told me I should make a friend. Which is why I thought that my dad hired you. Though I don’t want to be close to anyone ever again. Cause, I don’t want to loose them. So I don’t really want to have a friend, if there’s a chance to loose them” 59
The grip she had on me loosened, then her hand released me and she looked at me. Her tears were gone; she almost looked mad at me. 60
“Jeremy, I don’t think I should be here…if you don’t want me to be” 61
Her body shifted, and sat up. Then she stood. 62
“No, Roxy.” I grabbed her arm and with all my strength pulled her back to the bed. Our eyes lock.63
“W-what is it?” 64
“I don’t know why I did that, I’m sorry.” I look down in shame65
“Hey” She puts my chin up again66
“Yes?” 67
“Maybe you do want me here” 68
“I don’t know, but I don’t want you to leave” My hand pulled hers and her body shifted towards me. 69
“I won’t leave the house, but I really should go. You’ve father might come home tonight.” 70
I nod71
“Goodnight, Ra- I mean Roxy” She puts her hand to my face and wipes my last tear.72
“Night Jeremy” I see her smile in the dark, the light hitting her face just so I could see her smile. 73
Our hands still held, awkwardly, we let go and giggled at each other. 74
“You ok now?” 75
“Yeah Roxy I’m fine, don’t worry about me” 76
“Do you smell that?” 77
“Smell what?” I sniffed the air, nothing78
She giggled and ran out the room79
But I smelled it, I smelled love, I just didn’t know it yet. 80
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