Knowing was her only battle. She sat there consumed in her own darkness brought back to the place of defeat. Here she lost control of her own thoughts. Here she could not excape. This room held something more powerful then she could understand. As she looked around she recognized this place it belonged to her past. A place that used to just pass through random thoughts.
What could be improved? I know it does not say where this place is or what it holds.
Comments
-
Need more info
It is almost impossible to critique such a short effort. Aside from the spelling & syntax mentioned in other comment, "then" should be "than." Tell us who she is and explain what you mean by "knowing was her only battle." Above all, write out your idea more fully, and use the spell-check.
beginning: 2, ending: 2.
-
Well, I, for one, really like this story. It's a good beginning. A tad bit short but nothing it can't overcome. I like how you put your thought and effort into it.
However, you mispelled "escape". Not "excape" - "escape". *giggles* Also, in the 6th sentence,
"As she looked around she recognized this place it belonged to her past."
I would reword it as "As she looked around the barren room she recognized this place. It belonged to her past..." Or something similar.
I love it and keep it up. ^^
-
Opinion
Although I wish this was longer, sometimes length isn't that all important when it comes to imagery. You do have just teeny-tiny booboos grammatical wise of which both can be fixed without blinking an eye...
You accidentally misspelled 'escape'. With the last sentence, insert a colon after PAST in the sentence before it, which in turn you can just lowercase the 'a' in the last sentence...making it feel complete.



