I have walked in silence for many days now, avoiding civilization like a plague. There is no one I can talk to, no one I can trust. Why should I complain? It's been this way for awhile, I have no choice in the matter. If I want to remain alive I must continue to stay in the shadows, away from the rest of humanity, I am alone and there is no one that can help me, I must accept my destiny. Perhaps I should talk a bit about myself and where I come from, I often ramble, it's what comes of not being able to speak to anyone but yourself.1
I was born in the land of Conra, one of the nine kingdoms of the great continent of Emerah. I grew up in the forest where many of my people lived. Who exactly were my people? They were wizards, known for their wisdom of the natural world and knowledge of the history of our world. Many were wiped out though when They came to Conra: Marek and Gytha, warlords from the southern wastelands. They came to Conra with their vast armies seeking more hospitable lands and most of all, the wisdom of the wizards. The wizards knew that if they obtained the wisdom that they would misuse it and it would lead to the destruction of the balance between humans and nature. What they feared most of all though, was that Marek and Gytha would discover the location of the sacred stones of wisdom which would give them unfathomable power. This was what inevitable led to the destruction of the race of wizards. Since they refused to tell the location of the stones, Marek and Gytha had them hunted down and killed, but I survived.2
During the attack on our village my mother gave her life to see me to safety. "Aleen," she said, "It's up to you now, to find and protect the stones of wisdom. You are our only hope. It will be a long and difficult journey, one you must make alone, but if you do not succeed no one will, and the world we have worked so hard to build will be destroyed." Then she pushed me off with a package of papers containing a cryptic code to the whereabouts of the stones, drew her sword, and told me to run and never look back. Remembering that day keeps me going.3
I have found two of the stones of wisdom so far, but there are still seven more to go. Now I am traveling through the land of Vamar. It is a vast land of grasses and blue sky as far as the eye can see. There is a caravan of traders off in the distance traveling the same way I am going. Perhaps it is time I attempted to enter civilization again. Loneliness wears on a person, it drains their soul of hope and I have felt it many times. I know my mother told me the journey would be lonely but something tells me that it would be safe to journey with these people just for a little while.4
Author notes
I wrote this part of a story for part of a project in my college English class. My peer editing group seemed to enjoy it so I thought I would broaden on the story and keep it going. Let me know anything that would help improve my writing or any comment that comes to your head. thanks
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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this is very intersting but i must agree with Sage of Chaos, you didn't mention how she found two of the stones, or how she was able to decipher the cryptic map. i liked how you wrote it in the first person, but i think it should have more action. the characters were good and i think she will be a powerful main character. all in all it was a good peice and i think it can go far.
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Great start!
You do a very good job with dealing with the first-person mindset, which is typically a difficult point of view to do well. While I really like the first paragraph, I think it would be more gripping if we saw some action before Aleen jumps into her past. Infodumps, especially in the beginning of a story, can put off the reader looking for adventure. Speaking of adventure, I'm being picky but why stones of power? So many fantasies use that concept (stones of power, rings of power, jewels of power, etc), and while what you have is fine, I'd recommend digging around for something else to drive Aleen. Maybe paperweights of power? XP
Aleen seems like she will be an awesome character and I'll definitely want to see where you take her. Good luck! -
thank you for the comment. I know I threw in the bit about the two stones but that was more for the english project than anything, i'll definitely put in a flashback about those later, probably before any other stones are found. thanks for reading.
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Well i don't know how to improve it, it was great, i can't wait to read more of your stuff. one thing i would say was the fact that you start the story with two of the "stones" is something that makes me feel lost (then again i have a chareter with severe amnesia lol. I would suggest later in the story that you fill that in not in great detail but something like just where you got them from that would help to make the reader feel as if they know what Aleen has been through. Just suggestions though
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