"Lerin?"1
Gale moved to the side as the furry demon cat skidded to a halt beside the tree stump in the middle of the woods,leaning down he brushed his hand along her exited,bristling fur and smiled picking her up.She looked at him extending claws and he jumped back as she slashed playfully at his shirt.2
"Lerin,your getting heavy" he said and placed Lerin back on the ground where she became engrossed in licking her tail spotless.3
A thump came from the north side of the clearing and Gale clambered up the nearest tree watching the outcrop the noise had come from.Below him he saw Lerin hiss and he slipped his Kunai into his left hand aiming.4
He let it fly as the figure walked out and covered his mouth as he realised who it was.5
"Chrno!" he exclaimed and dropped from the tree,he was worried he had hit Chrno accidently.Reaching Chrno he watched as his Kunai was withdrawn from Chrno's left shoulder and grimaced as the older demon boy looked at him,for a moment nothing happened,even if Gale had of moved he wouldn't have avoided what happened next.6
"You little idiot!" Chrno yelled and Gale looked at Lerin who was purring happily,(yeah your a great help now arn't you) he thought bitterly and looked up at Chrno. Too slow.7
Gale yelped in suprise as Chrno tackled him to the ground and pinned him down smiling,for a while they play fought and Gale even managed to squrim free a few times before Chrno sat up and tossed a large bag at Gale knocking him back down as she tried to get up.8
"What's this" Gale cautiously pulled open the bag and stared at the clothes piled together. He watched as Chrno pulled out a large grey jacket-like coat and slid it over the plain white,stained shirt he was already wearing,letting the ends flick against his ripped jeans.9
"we can't go into any town's if it's obvious by our clothes i'm a demon and your...well a dirty thief." Chrno said the last part without any form of taunting and Gale let it slide.10
He pulled out a jacket smaller than Chrno's and slipped a loose cap over his matted hair.11
"what about Lerin?" Gale asked and Lerin looked up before stretching and padding to the bag,she stuck her head inside and a moment later pulled it out with a sock over one ear.12
"as far as any other human can tell she's a cross breed of tiger and house cat." Chrno said and paused thinking before adding.13
"And your just an aprentice."14
(Just an aprentice...of what..) he thought sullenly but already knew the answer.They were going to have to slay other Youkai (a monsterous form of demon without a soul or it's own mind.)Gale repeated what Chrno had said the day in the snowy town on the night he had saved Gale from a rogue wolf Youkai.15
"you coming?" 16
Chrno's voice broke into his thoughts and he looked down the hill to see Chrno walking far ahead with Lerin curling her tail against his leg every now and then.17
An hour later they made it to the town gate and Chrno threw Gale a cloak to hide the daggers in.After some grewling and tiring argument's with the guards they were allowed to pass when a few gold Yules graced their greedy palms.18
"Do we always have to bribe our way everywhere?"Gale asked looking back at the guards who were busily counting the gold yules.19
"that was 15 gold yules!" He exclaimed but stopped and looked up at Chrno as he saw what happened.The coins began to melt into mud and Gale was pulled along by Chrno and around a corner before the guards spotted them.20
"you honestly thought i'd give up 15 gold yules'?"21
Chrno asked bending over and catching his breath after running for 10 minutes,Gale realised with a sigh and a impressed glance at Chrno that they didn't even have one gold yule let alone 15!.22
"i'm gonna go grab us a bite to eat,i'll be right back" Chrno said and vanished down an alleyway leaving Gale sitting on a barrel with Liren nipping at his fingers,she purred as he scratched her ear as looked up as a shadow moved against a wall behind him.23
Gale let out a yelp of surprise and toppled off the barrel staring at the figure in the alley side.It was a cat demon,but it wasn't like Liren who was perched on the barrel still purring and not at all bothered by the strange visitor.This was a cat girl,for a minute they studied each other and Gale felt his pulse racing(great Chrno where'd you go..?) he thought and looked at the girl.24
Her hair was short and tied loosely back with a strand hanging over her ears.A scream was heard and Gale turned to find a woman watching them.25
"demon!" she screeched and Gale sighed having no other choice.He grabbed the girls wrist and took off down the street with Liren pouncing after. He spied Chrno at a stall and whistled as the passed him and he stole 3 bread rolls before chasing after them with one in his mouth.26
(oh yes) Gale thought (we're going to fit in perfectly in this town.)27
Author notes
hope you like it and i know i won't get any royalties and i like it that way.i really hope its' good
A contest entry
- Demons! by Wildpaw-Lily.
340 points, ended November 1, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
tell me if you like it and i might make it into a longer story for real
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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go edgey
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nice story
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This is pretty good edge, the story itself is very entertaining!
But I have to admit that I do see a lot of grammar/spelling mistakes and just unpleasently long sentences, like in P2:
"Gale moved to the side as the furry demon cat skidded to a halt beside the tree stump in the middle of the woods,leaning down he brushed his hand along her exited,bristling fur and smiled picking her up."
What helps me a lot when writing is to read the story out loud once you've written it. This helps preventing sentences that are too long or too short.
You could also see if someone whose English is really good will proofread it for you. Then you can see what they changed or corrected and that way learn from it!
I hope you didn't mind my blatant honesty, but there's no use in sucking up, right?
Good luck!

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yea i hope u keep going! this is goowd! but I can't halp thinking Lerin's stupidness is based on me and the cat girl is based on u XP
Thx for entering!
Paw/Ikuto~

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AWSOME
Em this is awsome better then mine good job


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Chia all my ideas washed away cause i had mad it longer and i'll have to keep going now so i'll edit
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