His darkish wrath will be felt by all who cross the warrior of the end. His fiendish size, with his Dark undead stallion will enforce fright!1
The sound of galloping hooves in the shadow will spell death, All who know too well of his power will run in terror.2
The ones who intend to stay and fight will breathe their last breath. Feel the trembling, feel the doom, His army of ghosts and skeletons are near, Unless you are already dead, you shall be consumed.
You and your dad will fight for your family. You tell your mother good-bye, and watch as your mom and 2 sisters and young brother run away. You know that the fight is near, the earth tremble, smoke approaches, You and your father are on the front line3
To protect the families still retreating, and Your honor, the army awaits the coming doom! But The dark warrior has underestimated you and this tribe.4
Suddenly, Time as you know it freezes, and a blinding light apears,
You are lifted into the heavens, and then are given three paths,
Each path has a special Kind of fate within itself!5
you have chosen the staff, for its unknown path
just like that, a bright light beams in all directions,
as you then feel yourself flying strait to the ground.6
You fall on your dad, and then realize you have that staff.
"get rid of that and take ur sword" your dad bellows,
you put down the staff, and grab a rusty sword,
just as you do that, the dark man of hellish power aproaches, 7
the war is on! your cousins and father charge against the undead,
you yourself start having to defend yourself against masses of undead beasts8
Just as it looks as though the battle is lost.
The staff starts to tremble, and in a flash of sheer power,
it has opened a portal,
and in the portal, you see your mom and sisters...9
the staff disappears into the portal, and your mom picks it up, she sees the portal, and you too! She waves with a big smile and says ill hold onto this, and they continue to flee10
The Warhero of the tribe also sees this, and he knows its their only escape... but leaving now will break their honor,
and probably also their moral...11
The Fate of the sword you see first, the sword is made of pure gold, gold from the hands of the God of Violence, strength, And leadership, But its path is dark, cold, and deadly.12
The Fate of the Shield, made of impenetrable steel and iron,
blessed by the god of Protection, defense, and fortitude,
Its path is wide, but short.13
The Fate of the staff, one of sorcerer oak, with a enchanted diamond, enchanted with wisdom, piety, Intelligence, Honor, and Power, this path has never been walked on, and eventually splits in two, good and evil.14
you have chosen the staff, for its unknown path
just like that, a bright light beams in all directions,
as you then feel yourself flying strait to the ground.15
You fall on your dad, and then realize you have that staff.
"get rid of that and take ur sword" your dad bellows,
you put down the staff, and grab a rusty sword,
just as you do that, the dark man of hellish power aproaches, 16
the war is on!
your cousins and father charge against the undead, you urself start having to defend yourself against masses of undead beasts17
Just as it looks as though the battle is lost.
The staff starts to tremble, and in a flash of sheer power,
it has opened a portal, and in the portal, you see your mom and sisters...the staff disappears into the portal, and your mom picks it up, she sees the portal, and you too! She waves with a big smile and says ill hold onto this, and they continue to flee18
The warHero of the tribe also sees this, and he knows its their only escape...but leaving now will break their honor, and probably also their moral...19
The general screams "fall back, INTO THE PORTAL!!!" the defending forces run like a stampede of elephants, right into the portal. Right as the last man enters the portal, it immediately slams shut,
the evil horseman and his undead armies are now at-least 300 miles away. You and your father reunite with your family, and now head off to try and find somewhere else to live. 20
Mom remembers to give you back your staff, but it feels different now. You actually are now able to use it. The warlord also knows you have a staff, and wants to hold it. When you give it to him, it FLIES strait into your hand. Now you know the staff chose you, you did not chose the staff. 21
As you are all fleeing, you come upon a large town, and the tribe leaders explain to the town mayor what happened. The mayor says "oh dear, if you wish, you can stay here as refugees for a few nights."
Author notes
I KNOW: its not all cleaned and polished up...Didnt have the time, just wanted to get the first chapter outta here. Hope to have more.
If you look at my page at allpoetry dot com, you can actually help me write this story.
ALSO: i know that this isnt REALLY a whole chapter, however, I think if you were to get more specific, and add pics, it would make a good chapter.
- Christian group group list • next in list
Comments
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This isn't third person. It's second person. Third person is told from the point of view that uses words like "he, she, it". "You" is second.
This doesn't read like a story at all. It's like you're trying to write a prophesy or something for a different story. And maybe you are. But the title suggests that this is the actual story.
This could be remedied by having the story take place in third person, adding in events that actually happen - not ones that will happen, and fixing where you put your capital letters.
I understand the idea of capitalizing important words, but nearly half of this story is capitalized. After a while, that wears thin and the reader gets bored. Not to mention the fact that, along with this, you do not capitalize words that should be.
Still, the story itself seems like it could be an interesting tale - if a few fixes are made to the way it is written. I have no doubt that you have a very creative energy. You just to find a better way to tap into it.
I don't suggest adding images, though. Personally, I don't like looking at pictures for a story that can be just as easily - and more beautifully - conveyed through words. A picture may be worth a thousand simple words, but a well-written and descriptive sentence is worth a thousand pictures.
Keep writing! It looks interesting. -
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re-did it
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i am narating YOUR story, you are the person, MYSELF, ME, I am narating it as if YOU are listening to YOUR story.
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my bad...its just I am not soo good with this site...
This is the first chapter...Please visite my allpoetry site to help me write the rest of the story!!!
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oh, me likey
i did think it would be a narrative but i love it that way it is ur use of language is very good. Polish it but beside that awesome -
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added something new
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my bad...its just I am not soo good with this site...
This is the first chapter...Please visite my allpoetry site to help me write the rest of the story!!!
PLEASE
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