All Because of Fiath (Ch. 4)

CHAPTER FOUR1

It was a month later before anyone got to meet Jonathan. The first person was my best friend, Jessica Ledford. She loved him, which I took as a good sign, because Jessi never liked any of my boyfriends, not even Matthew. We met for dinner with her and her fiancé, Josh, at Cracker Barrel one Friday night. 2

By that point, I had given up and I had fallen head over heels for John. I didn’t complete like the way things were progressing, because I was petrified of how I was feeling. At that point I only knew one thing, that I loved Jonathan3

and hoped against hope that he loved me, too.4

The following afternoon Jessi and I went on our monthly outing. Once a month for the last year we got together, just the two of us, and went shopping and to lunch. This time the whole trip was about Jonathan. So much so, that Jessi practically dragged me into Victoria’s Secret for a new lingerie set.5

“Come on, The first decent boyfriend you’ve had in you whole life, Jen, you gotta look sexy for him!” Jessica said picking up a G-String with a gum ball on the front.6

“That is not sexy, that is trashy.” I said eyeing the piece of cloth she held so daintily in her manicured fingers. 7

“It definitely is,” she chuckled putting the pair of underwear away. “But, I have to say, in the whole time you and me have been friends I have never been attracted, on any level, to one of your boyfriends. Jonathan, though, girl, talk about fine.”8

I didn’t say anything, just smiled. I loved my Jessi more than anyone and her opinion mattered more to me then my own, in some cases. I enjoyed what she was saying about him. It reassured me that I was making a good decision to spend so much time with him.9

“Do you think he could be someone you could settle down with?” She asked, raking through a pile of bargain bin bras.10

I didn’t answer at first, the truth was, I didn’t know the answer. I loved Jonathan, but after that whole ordeal with Matthew, I did not like to think about ever getting married. I was beginning to think that these inner conflicts might be unhealthy and decided to make an appointment with a therapist at work Monday. 11

“You never know, Jessi-girl. You never know.”12

That night I awoke from the strangest dream, the only problem was, it wasn’t a dream. Matthew was really sitting on the side of my bed, staring at me.13

“Matt?” I asked sitting up, “what in the name of the Holy Mother are you doing here?” Thank God John isn’t here. “No, better question, How did you get here?”14

“Sorry, Teddy, I need some advice.”15

“I am just as capable over the phone, Matthew.”16

He ignored this, “Do you think we were in love?”17

Surprise, surprise “If you mean do I think we loved each other, yes. I loved, love you dearly. If you mean do I think we had the kind of love you base a marriage, no. there was no passion in our relationship. Great sex, we had, awesome communication, we had, sparks, we didn’t have.”18

He laid his head beside mine on the pillow, “Do you love this new guy? I mean are you in love with this new guy?”19

“Oh, honey. Who told you about John?”20

“Jessica’s fiancé.”21

“Okay Matt, here’s the deal,” I sat up Indian-style and turned so I was looking down on him, still resting his head on my pillow. “When we broke up, even though I did call off the wedding, I still couldn’t get over you. I put up these walls all around me and wouldn’t let anyone through. Jonathan and I have been friends since I was about ten years old. We met up again about a month ago and I was reminded so much of the girl I had been at one time. I was happy again, happier then I can remember being in years. I didn’t want to get involved with John. He brought up feelings in me that I had never felt for anyone, ever, and that scares me more than you can begin to imagine. 22

“The reason it scares me is, I know how badly I was hurt over our break up. If I feel this way about him and I put my heart out there again, what if he hurts me. I don’t know if I would ever get over it this time.”23

“”You still haven’t answered my question.”24

“Give me a minute, Matt, Gees,” I said throwing a pillow at him. “Now, Like I was trying to say, Yes Matt, I think that if I’m not already in love with Jonathan, then before too long I will be.”25

He took my hand in his and kissed my knuckle. “Teddy, If you’re honestly happy with this man, Jonathan, than I want nothing more. Just tell me that we will always be friends.”26

“Oh, Matt, sweetie, you know as well as I do that these friendships never work out. Especially if we were engaged.” I looked at his face and in an instant knew that I could never say no to him. The pain that stared back at me from behind those eyes was just too much, “Of course, Matthew. We’ll still be friends.” I leaned over and lightly kissed Matthew’s forehead. He took the hint and got to his feet.27

Just as suddenly as Matthew had arrived, he was gone again. Before I fell asleep ten minutes later, I looked at the clock on my night stand. It read 3:45 a.m. 28

“Jen, Jenna, honey, wake up!” I started to make sense of the hasty voice rousing me from sleep. It was Erin, and something was wrong. “Baby, please, wake up, I have to tell you something.”29

“Okay, I’m up! Now what is it?” I opened my eyes and stared into her bloodshot ones. The same eyes that tears were pouring from like rain in an April shower. “Oh, God, Rin..What’s happened, baby doll?”30

“It’s Matthew, Jenna. Matthew’s dead.”31

In that moment my blood ran cold. “How? He was just here last night.”32

“What? When?”33

“It was strange, I woke up and he was just sitting beside me on the bed, I guess it was three in the morning, more or less.” I knew she didn’t believe me, her eyes had always deceived her.34

“Honey, Matthew was dead by two-thirty. It had to have been a dream.” Erin wrapped her arms around me as the news took hold of me. He was here, I know he was. It was Matthew. It was my Matthew.35

I went through all the motions of the day: visiting his family, putting his name on the church prayer list, informing those that didn’t know. The whole time my mind was on the previous evening. It was too real, it couldn’t have been a dream, it was Matthew. It had to have been Matthew, but how? 36

I had never been a big believer in the supernatural, I just thought things were more logical. But in this situation, there was no logic to be thought of. It wasn’t logical that Matthew had died, especially in a car accident. He was the most cautious driver I knew. He was cautious to the point of being flawed. It wasn’t logical that He had been out at two-thirty in the morning, on an abandoned country road. It wasn’t logical that at the time he was supposed to have just died he was sitting on the side of my bed. It wasn’t logical that he had asked me the things he had and looked at me the way he had. That is why when the thought came to mind, the preposterous idea, I didn’t look to logic for help. I didn’t need to, I knew in my heart, as though it was Matthew, himself giving me the answer, that the man I had seen in my room that night, the man I had loved so much, had been a ghost.37