View from an Outsider

Rated: PG-13
Summary: His sincere, heartfelt smile is one of the greatest gifts someone could ever receive.
Genres: Romance
Timeline: Past
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Language
Disclaimer: Luke, Noah, and all related characters, plots, and
locations are property of Procter & Gamble Productions and CBS Television. No profit is made from this fan creation. No copyright infringement is intended!1


Story Notes:
So, I'm basically never satisfied with my stories, but for some reason I couldn't get over how much I wanted to rewrite THIS story.So I finally did!2

3

Noah and I used to be really close. In fact, we used to be best friends. I’m not quite sure what to call us anymore. We’ve known each other since kindergarten, so I guess you could call us “childhood friends.” We both played soccer, and somehow, we always ended up on the same team, which made for some interesting competition. Noah was always claiming he was better than me. I just claimed he was a bonehead.4

We used to spend so much time together. We’d play video games at Noah’s house (he always won, but only because he cheats), wrestle in his bedroom (again, he won only because he cheats! He has a problem with tickling people in order to win) and spent time trying to improve each others soccer skills. Noah was always so goofy and laid-back, and just plain fun to be around. I’m a lot like him, which was probably why we got along so well. I guess the two of us could’ve been considered popular….Okay, so yeah. We were definitely popular. All the girls wanted to go out with us, while all the guys wanted to hang out with us. It was like everyone worshipped us, willing to do anything we asked. Man, those were the good ‘ole days. Sadly, the good ‘old days pretty much ended in the 6th grade. Why, you ask? Well, it’s all because of one person. One single, small, blond haired person. Luke Snyder.5

He came to our school at the beginning of the 6th grade, moving from who-cares-ville. If we had to label him, he was the type of guy who ate lunch alone, not because he couldn’t make any friends, but because he didn’t want any friends. He was really quiet and snapped at anyone who tried to talk to him. He was the epitome of depressed, his whole being giving off an angry light.6

He had longish blond hair, bangs falling into a pair of intense brown eyes, which by the way, were icy and cold looking, searing at all of us. He was thin, and a bit on the small side. I guess you couldn’t really call him bad looking, but whatever. I always judge from first appearances, and I automatically decided I didn’t like him. The first time I laid eyes on him, I turned to look at Noah, hoping to share a laugh about the new loser, but Noah’s eyes were fixed on the blond, and he appeared mesmerized. As if the person standing at the front of the room wasn’t a homely boy, but an angel, an array of gold light surrounding him and singing a harmonic melody.7

And then…Noah’s face came to life and he was smiling, his eyes magically transforming into sparkling pools of laughter. Noah’s eyes are always expressive, revealing all the thoughts wadding around in his mind. But I had never seen them light up like that, especially not for someone he knew nothing about. I was confused by his reaction, but I just shook my head before turning away, pretending I hadn’t even noticed.8

It turned out that Noah somehow already knew the blondie, and he spent the rest of the day trying to converse with the weirdo. But all he ever received as answers were a bunch of rude commands and questions, including, but definitely not limited to; “Will you shut up,” “Why won’t you leave me alone,” and “Go away!”9

Most people would’ve have stopped bothering Luke and leave him alone. It was obvious Luke didn’t want to befriend Noah, much less anyone. You’d think Noah would understand that. You’d think he would get the hint. But no. The freaking idiot kept up his antics for weeks, desperately trying to become friends with Luke. I really don’t know why he was so persistent. In our eyes, there was nothing about Luke worth fighting for, and fighting for Luke wasn’t worth being treated like shit. Luke would always respond by nonchalantly calling Noah names, as if he was purposely trying to wound Noah. As if he was purposely trying to drive him away. Hell, if I was Noah, I wouldn’t have taken that from some sass talking emo-case. None of us would’ve.10

All Noah was trying to do was be friendly, but did the weirdo appreciate his efforts? Nope. Not one bit. But Noah still refused to give in, even after Luke got so annoyed with him that he punched him in the face, giving Noah a black eye. I don’t know exactly when it happened, or even why, but one day, Luke came into class, and he smiled at Noah. Not a fake, “oh it’s so great to see you, even though it’s really not,” smile, but a real, genuine, sincere, friendly smile. And Noah smiled right back.11

Since that day, things changed drastically between them. Noah started sitting with Luke during lunch, and every time I called him to hang out, he’d tell me that he had plans with Luke. Honestly, but I had no idea what the hell was happening, but I missed my best friend. I had no idea what he saw in Luke, and I hated that he chose to hang out with someone so moody and antisocial instead of me. Okay, so I was basically jealous. Sue me. As if you wouldn’t be jealous if you were in my shoes. I mean, leave it to Mr. Popular and liked by everyone to ditch his cool friends to hang out with the reject. I seriously had no idea how the two managed to get along, because they were so freaking opposite. I mean it! Seeing them walk down the hall together, side by side, it was never more obvious. One of them smiling and energetic, while the other had a small half-smile, his composure calm and unyielding. In our eyes, it was simply puzzling. The way the two, so different in both their ways of thinking and their approach to life, could somehow be friends.12

But, whatever the reason and why, the two were really close, and Noah was extremely overprotective of his little Luke. Anytime I or one of the guys said anything bad about him, he’d blow up at us. One time, our friend Josh made the idiotic mistake of teasing Luke right in front of Noah. Needless to say, Noah hadn’t hesitated in punching Josh right in the fact and ending their friendship permanently. He’d gotten detention, but he just shrugged it off, as if it were no big deal. As if protecting Luke had been worth it. It was then that I started to realize that something about Noah was changing.13

It’s been two years since then, and now we’re all in the 8th grade. Remember how I said Luke’s eyes used to be icy and emotionless? Well, I don’t know what Noah did, but sometime ago, the coldness melted, giving way for kindness. I wonder if either of them has noticed that.14

They’ve become practically inseparable now. Noah spends all his precious little time with his precious little Luke, doing who knows what. He and I barely talk anymore, aside from soccer practice and an occasional “hello” in the halls. During lunch, he and Luke sit by themselves, talking quietly so no one else can hear them, and every so often, laughing because of their stupid, UNFUNNY inside jokes. No, I’m definitely not bitter, nor am I being hostile. How could you say that? Okay….so maybe I am bitter, but I’m not hostile. But don’t even try to tell me you wouldn’t be.15

They always sit so impossibly close, as if they can’t stand staying away from each other, even for a little bit. Every time we go on school field trips, my friends and I find seats near each other on the bus. We always try to find Noah, and though we should see it coming, we find him sitting next to Luke every single stinking time. Their legs touching and Luke’s head resting on Noah’s shoulder, with Noah’s arm wrapped tightly around Luke’s waist. Usually, both of them are holding Noah’s digital camera with one hand as they go through the pictures. Their fingers keep grazing, whether on purpose or accident, we can never figure out. Neither of them ever seems to mind. They always sit together quietly, ignoring the mass of screaming, laughing, and hyperactive kids happy to get out of class that surround them. It seems like the noise just blends together, becoming a love song meant only for them. A song only the two of them can hear, cherish, and delve in to. They forget that other people matter in the world besides them. Hell, they probably forget other people even exist. They act so much like a couple dating that it’s nearly sickening. But…I can roll my eyes and pretend and pretend to be disgusted and annoyed all I want, but the truth is, I always feel a little jealous at how close they are. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. There’s something between them that seems so much stronger than a friendship. Something almost impermeable….invincible….unbreakable. Something that a lot of people long to share with someone. Noah claims there’s nothing weird going on between them, but I say monkey balls. There’s something going on between them, no matter how much I, Noah, or our friends try to deny it.16

One time, I went over to Noah’s house to work on an English project about Romeo and Juliet, or something useless like that. We were suppose to be in groups of three and act out a part of Romeo and Juliet with props, costumes, and memorized lines. In my opinion, ridiculously stupid. Everyone knows the story of Romeo and Juliet by the 4th grade. After that, I really think there’s no point in making us actually read it, considering we all know how it ends. Besides, we would never have to use Romeo and Juliet in our actual lives.17

Anyway, I paired up with Luke and Noah, and we agreed to meet at Noah’s house after school. I ended up going to Noah’s house a little later than I planned, and I walked into Noah’s room to find the two of them hugging. H.U.G.G.I.N.G. They had to be kidding me, but no. In fact, they didn’t even bother to acknowledge my arrival…or maybe they just didn’t notice, nor care.18

Noah’s arms were snaked tightly around Luke’s waist, keeping him close to Noah’s body. Luke’s arms were wound tightly around Noah’s neck, and OH MY GOD! It had looked like he was sniffing Noah’s neck. Hell, it looked like he was trying to inhale Noah and swallow him whole. Okay, so I’m exaggerating. But it was still pretty freaky. Noah whispered something in Luke’s ear, and whatever it was, it made Luke’s entire face light up. Literally. All of a sudden....he looked like an angel.19

His smile reached one side of his to the other, his eyes dancing to a silent song of joy. For that moment…for the ONE golden moment…Luke was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I didn’t even know guys could be called beautiful, but that was the perfect word for Luke at that moment. And for that moment, I understood why Noah cared so much about Luke’s happiness. His sincere, heartfelt smile is one of the greatest gifts someone could ever receive.20

*************************************************************21

How was it, that in a blink of an eye, your entire life could be flipped upside down? How was it, that in an instant, one look at someone you had known for years could change you forever? And you could seriously feel yourself changing…molding….transforming, thoughts and questions different then before.22

Never in my life, had one person ever had such an effect on me. Never in my life had one person been able to keep me up at night, twisting and turning and losing myself in my bed sheets. Days later, Luke’s face when he smile still remained painted in my head, waking me up in the middle of the night, and allowing me to study it whenever I let my mind wander. And it drove me near insane, the way I couldn’t stop thinking about someone I wasn’t even supposed to like. Someone I wasn’t even supposed to get along with. Yet for days, he was the root of all my thoughts, everything eventually returning to him. In class I would see him, lightly tapping his pencil against his teeth in an effort to get an idea. And my heart would tremble, its cage too small as it fought to crawl out of me. How could he sit there so innocently, and unaware of the power he held? Unaware of the emotions he cursed me with? I would see him in the wall, his gaze focused forward, looking but not really seeing. And I would still want to cower to the lockers, hoping to dissipate myself and my feelings. I would see him during lunch, hanging off every word Noah said, his laugh the sweetest sound I had ever heard. And I would wonder if it was possible that I was simply going crazy. It was either that, or I was falling in love, which was in no way possible.23

Finally, after a week of dealing with my tortuous feelings, I got up the nerve and asked Noah to meet me at the beach so we could talk. I couldn’t stop thinking about Luke, and I couldn’t help thinking that maybe there was something more to him than I had previously thought. I had to know. No. I needed to know.24

We met at the beach at six in the afternoon. The sun was just starting to set, giving the sky an orange hue. The water was calm and slow moving, lightly pushing against itself in small waves. For a long time, the two of us stood silently, watching the sunset with great interest. Finally, the silence that hung in the air became so heavy that I began to feel suffocated.25

“So….” I said, hating the awkward atmosphere. I stuck my hand in my pockets, and rocked back and forth on my heels.26

“So….” He mocked lightly, his eyes twinkling mischievously. I narrowed my eyes at him, suddenly realizing what he was trying to do.27

“Jerk.”28

“Loser.”29

“Dumbass.”30

“Fartface.”31

“MORON!” We screamed simultaneously, cracking up until our sides hurt and our eyes teared. It was our old little “insult” game that we used to play. I was surprised he still remembered it, but it did help break the thick tension. We got quiet, but at least it wasn’t uncomfortable. It made it easier to talk.32

“So….tell me about Luke.” I looked at Noah out of the corner of my eye, and managed to catch him blink in surprise. I knew what I said shocked him, considering I had never shown an ounce of interest in anything concerning Luke before. It was probably the last thing in the world he’d expected me to say. I turned to face him, only to see he was staring back at me quizzically.33

“Why?” he asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. I shrugged, figuring there was no point in lying to him.34

“I wanna know more about him. I dunno…maybe see him through your eyes.” Noah blinked in surprise again, before turning his body back to face the ocean.35

“What do I tell you?”36

“I dunno…”37

“That doesn’t help me, moron.”38

“Fine, bonehead. Tell me…anything. Whatever makes you happy, and whatever you’re willing to share.” Noah was quiet for a long time, his gaze focused on the ocean,. I stood patiently, waiting for him to gather his thoughts. I’m not normally a very patient person, but beggars can’t be choosers (or something like that). If I wanted to learn more about Luke, which I desperately did…, I had to let Noah do it at his own accord. It was a long time before Noah spoke again, smiling coyly.39

“He’s beautiful.”40

I squinted at him, confused. Out of all the things he could have said, he picked that? I didn’t question him though, and waited for him to continue.41

“He doesn’t think he is, and he doesn’t know why I think he is. He doesn’t understand what I see when I look at him.” Noah paused again, taking a deep breath.42

“He loves the rain.” I blinked, my face scrunching in confusion. But still. I didn’t question him, instead choosing to nod slowly.43

"It makes him feel calm, and I dunno...happy. Sometimes he goes to the window, and he just watches the rain for some time. Then, he goes outside---no jacket, no shoes---and he starts...spinning around. I don't really understand it, but I don't really care. Sometimes, I go outside with him and we spin around together, and jump in puddles, and I give him piggyback rides. But mostly, I like watching him inside. I can never keep my eyes off of him..." Noah paused again, seemingly deep in thought.44

"He used to have this dog. He found her at the park when he was younger. She was homeless and gimpy...but Luke refused to go home without her." Noah smiled softly, running his hands through his hair.45

"He's just stubborn like that.....anyways. He loved her so much. But then, she died two years ago because of cancer." He shook his head sadly, as if wishing he could have somehow prevented it. Suddenly, I felt like the world's biggest jerk. It was more obvious now more than ever that we had all chosen to hate someone we knew nothing about. Someone who was every bit as human as the rest of us. And I now hated myself for choosing to hate him.46

I felt a lump form in my throat, but I swallowed it, feeling it slowly ride down my body.47

"I'm sorry..." I managed to croak out. Noah shook his head again, smiling sadly.48

"Not your fault."49

"Anyways, he was a huge mess after that. He was really sad and he got pissed at me for dumb things. I felt pretty useless, because all I wanted was for him to be happy. I only wanted to make him smile....but I didn't know how to do that without messing up. But...I finally came up with an idea. I saved up all my money and I got him a puppy for Valentine's Day." Noah's face lit up, the bright twinkling in his eyes returning.50

"Gods, you should've seen him! Luke was so happy! He couldn't stop crying, and then he was so bubbly! Dancing around the room...singing." Noah paused, laughing softly.51

"He named it Nuke!!" He grinned sheepishly, his eyes laughing.52

"Nuke?"53

"Luke and Noah combined, duh!" He rolled his eyes, and I stuck my tongue out. We shared a laugh, before silence took over again.54

"He hates watching scary movies."55

"Huh...?"56

"They scare him. No--scratch that. They freak him out." Noah chuckled heartily. "He never keeps his feet on the ground when we're watching them, because he thinks something’s gonna come outta nowhere and like, pull him into the unknown, or something like that."57

"And he gets all paranoid, thinking there's something behind him that's gonna eat his face off. He gets nightmares, and then he can't even go to the bathroom by himself!"58

"He makes me wait outside the door 'till he finishes!" The two of us burst out laughing. As much as I didn't want to admit it...that was actually kind of cute.59

"But...he watches them anyway...just because I love them so much." I was so shocked at that moment that I could barely think of something mildly intelligent to say, let alone nod. So I settled for saying nothing.60

"Every time I make him smile or laugh, I get so happy. He has no idea how beautiful he is when he smiles. His face...I dunno, it sort of comes to life and his smile goes all the way to his eyes. He always makes me feel like I can't breath when he smiles....but it's not a bad thing at all...I love that I'm the only one who gets to see that side of him. I'm the only one who can make him happy. I'm the only one who understands him...." Suddenly, Noah's face seemed to darken, his eyes becoming cloudy and unreadable.61

"One time...I caught him cutting himself. It wasn't a deep cut, but it was enough to bleed real bad. I bandaged him up...then I yelled at him. He yelled back, of course, and then we just sorta hugged for a long time...Then I asked him why he'd done it." Noah paused, and I could almost sense the myriad of emotions going through him, caused by just thinking of the overwhelming memory.62

"He told me he'd wanted to know how it felt to control your pain. And....I asked him how it felt. He...he told me that it burned. It burned so badly, and his arm felt like it was on fire....and he just started crying and sobbing...and he couldn't stop, and I just...I just...." Noah stopped, and I knew that he wouldn't continue. A question formed in my throat, and and before I could stop myself, I felt it coming out of my mouth.63

"Why do you put up with it?" I winced, preparing myself for Noah's rage.64

"Put up with what?65

"All of it! The mood swings, the psycho attitude...any of it!" Noah didn't answer at first, his eyes slowly becoming less clouded. Suddenly, they became readable again, the emotion becoming clear as night. He turned to me, determination flashing in his eyes.66

"When we started getting closer, I made a promise."67

"Huh?"68

"I promised him that no matter what, I would never leave him. No matter how horrible he got, no matter what stupid things he said out of anger, no matter how hard he tried to push me away...I promised him I would stay by his side. He wants me in his life. He needs me in his life....and I need him." The determination flashed again, but stronger than before.69

"....I intend on keeping my promise." I stood shocked into a state in which words were unattainable. I stared into Noah's deep blue eyes, desperately trying to find reminiscences of the immature bonehead I used to know....but no luck. Instead, I stood faced with someone who knew how it felt to love and be loved. Someone who knew how it felt to share someone else's pain merely because you loved them. Someone who knew how it felt to want to protect the person you loved with your life. Someone who knew how it felt to be ready to give up your life for the person you loved at any given moment. And I realized that Noah, unlike the rest of us, had grown up a long time ago.70

"..."71

"That's a pretty big thing to promise...." I said, my voice quiet and soft. Noah smiled, his eyes sparkling once again.72

"He's worth it."73

"...You really love him....don't you?"74

"...More than 'I love you' could ever say...." Noah turned back to the ocean, a small half smile planted on his face, and his eyes calm and certain.75

"When I look at him...I see someone who cares so much about the people close to him. I see someone who's afraid to love...afraid to let people too close to him, but takes the chance at happiness. I see...someone....someone who's been through so much crap in his life, but still manages to be so strong. I see someone...with such a free spirit.... And it's all of those things, and so much more....that make him beautiful to me."76

I nodded, because that enough to make me understand. To the rest of us, Luke was just one person we were forced to tolerate…but to Noah, he was the moon, the stars, the world, the galaxy. He was air, he was simply…everything. Noah didn’t necessarily say that, but I could read it from his words, his actions towards Luke, and especially from his eyes. But I also understood something else. Luke was not the emo-case my friends and I had put him up to be. Not even close. He was so much more than that. He was caring, considerate; brave….he was beautiful in every way, a kind light radiating from within him.77

Maybe that’s the problem with stereotyping. You end up putting a standard and behavior for everyone to meet, never willing to except that there’s so much more to everyone than the image they portray.78

Just from Noah’s words about Luke, it was easy to believe how simple it would be to accidentally fall in love with him. And that scared me, because it was the last thing I needed. So I made a decision. I would stop acting like I couldn’t stand the mere mention of Luke, and start treating him like a human being. But I refused to become close to him. I refused to become actual friends with him, because it would be much too easy to fall in love with him. It would be much too easy to ruin whatever was left of the relationship Noah and I once had. I would never forgive myself if things got messed up between them because of my wacked up emotions that I couldn’t control.79

I may not completely understand their relationship, but what I do understand is that they make each other happy. They may be opposites, but they complete each other. And that's all good enough for me. Besides, I'm starting to think that they don't really care about anyone else's opinion anyway. They would still love each other, despite what anyone else thought or said. They wouldn't care if people told them they were way too young to know what true love is. After all, the rest of us are just outsiders to their relationship. Outsiders, trying our best to look in.80