Heart in the Rain

Missing image
The sidewalk was silver with the reflection of the moon in the puddles of rain. I didn’t care. I stood in the downpour awaiting my true love. This would be the first time we see each other face to face, despite having loved each other for so long.
The rain was the perfect setting of our first meeting. It held in it the promise of something new. It washed everything clean. It echoed the tears I had cried for so many years. The rumbles of thunder paralleled the pounding of my heart full of nerves. Streaks of lightning flashed dangerously near, reminding me that our hearts were still very fragile.
I stood silently, looking out over the glistening river’s reflections marred by the rain drops falling so steadily. The sounds of this unknown city filled the night air. Cars honked, feet pounded the pavement in a run from the parking lots into the buildings, a motorcycle peeled around a corner and a violin melody drifted out of a nearby restaurant. I’m glad the sounds filled the air; for they hid the pounding of my heart that matched the thunder rolling through so violently.
I don’t know how long I waited before I felt a pair of eyes on me. I turned as the rain began to slow but the thunder became louder and longer. He was there; across the street and looking my way. I could see him under the corner streetlight wearing a pair of rain soaked blue jeans and a dark jacket, holding his motorcycle helmet under his right arm. Our eyes finally meet over the distance and I blush at the power emanating from his. Suddenly I’m nervous; I don’t know what to do. I watch him strap his helmet to the bike beside him as the thunder and lightning fill the sky.
Slowly we took our first steps towards each other. The thunder crashes lessened in their intensity as my heart steadied itself with another step. The rain slowed as I saw the unmistakable love in his eyes and my nerves eased as I took another step. One last step and the rain was a simple sprinkle as my love was right in front of me.
Together we stood, our hearts beating the same pattern as the rain softly sprinkled around us. He puts his arms out and I rush into them. The rain stops. Looking up at his beautiful, loving eyes I watch his head descend. His lips graze against mine gently and I close my eyes. Locked tightly against each other the kiss deepens and I can feel the warmth of him all around. When the kiss ended we looked at each other lovingly and then at the sky where a rainbow arched across the sky in front of the moon.
Walking hand in hand we are simply together; no words, no regrets, only possibilities of the days to come. Standing again beside the river his arms wrap tightly around me as I lay my head upon his chest. Dancing through the air are words I shall never forget, “The moment when we’re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I’ll be holdin' my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with.”

Author notes

The song used within the story is "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback.

My favorite song that talks about the rain is "Holes in the Floor of Heaven."

name=MsAlee or just AL to my friends.

Rainbow (within the next to last paragraph but weather mentioned throughout)

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 41 of 41
  • Minorchar
    August 25

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    Nice little story. Your use of imagery is very, very good. I want to know more about the characters, but as is, it works.


    • MsAlee gold member
      August 25
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for the comment. If you read my story Together With A Book you will see where their relationship progressed.


  • musical tai
    July 26

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    GASP!!!!!!!

    OMG! i loved this because it was sooo descriptive and made such a beautiful story and picture in such little words!!!!8D who ever u are u made my day! (er...night) good luck in the contest! keep writting!


  • Cajun.Lullaby
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    This is an nice little story in that it holds the classic romance on a rainy day, but also is described in detail from first person. I love the descriptions. I've never heard of the Nickelback song you say your story is based off of (although I love Holes in the Floor of Heaven), but you have inspired me to go look for it.

    Well done.

  • Adinatak
    July 22

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    I can't help but hold preference to first-person stories. I love the way it lets you get inside the head of the narrator; like here for example. Good job using those descriptive skills.


  • Kagamine Rin
    July 17

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    Thank you for entering my contest, before I forget, however, you didn't read the rules~ :3

    I suggest seperating your paragraphs.

    Very descriptive~


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 23
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    Wonderfu story! I loved it! You hade out of the blue rubric: (All out of five. Totla you can get is 25.)
    on tears
    on water
    on kindness
    on cleanness

    *****bonus***
    on overall performance!

    Total points: 19. Congratulations! Welcome to the finalists list! You got over a 15, so you're in!



  • Valkyrie silver member
    June 14

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    Alas, your story is too short for my contest right now. If you wish to add to it before the contest closes in three days, please do! If the story still has less than 800 words when I judge, I'll have to DQ your entry.


    • MsAlee gold member
      June 14
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      sorry didn't see that in the rules. i removed it for you because i don't plan on adding to it.


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 4
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    I LOVE THAT SONG! I love the story more, though. Welcome to the finalist list!!


  • Yumiko Kizaka
    May 22
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    this is a lovely story. i like it!

  • TheDecree
    March 20
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    This is sweet and beautiful. THe descriptions and imagery was described so well that I actually felt as if I was in the rain myself. I was completely cativated by this from begining to end. What I really loved was the line: "a motorcycle peeled around the corner and a violin melody drifted out of a nearby restuarant" SUperb!

    Good Luck in the contest. (:


  • Jennywinnie
    March 16

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    Sunddenly I WAS nervouse...instead of I'm nervous. Make sure you don't switch tenses.

    This is very good. I love the description here, and your character is well developed. Great job


  • LadyLionnir
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    You used a lot of original descriptions, like:
    "The rumbles of thunder paralleled the pounding of my heart full of nerves."
    However; I think you could have taken out some of the fluff in certain parts. One way to do this is take out unnecessary words and especially look for either too many adjectives or too-descriptive parts.

    Anyways, the whole idea was actually really romantic and the kind of story that CAN make me smile. I like the setting as well and it added to the intensity of their love. Another thing I enjoyed was the fact that didn't share a single word, they just kissed.

    REALLY sweet! Nickelback is awesome and thanks for entering my contest.


  • GuitarShank Moderators member
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    Not bad. I think you could improve on this quite a bit though.

    First, this is about a couple just meeting for the first time. They love each other deeply, and they finally get to show that. When you write a piece like this, you have to be absolutely sure that you're showing the emotions they're going through accurately and substantially. This kind of falls short of that.

    Second, grammar can take a lot away from a story. The only concern I have here (because I usually don't point it out unless it's important) is that you switch back and forth between present tense and past tense.

    Example: "the kiss deepens and I can feel the warmth of him all around. When the kiss ended we looked at each other"

    Everything in bold is present tense and the italics indicate past tense.

    Hope this helps Thanks for entering!


  • Eddie
    January 3
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    Great job! Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • Orimis gold member
    December 6, 2008

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    You know, I thought this looked familiar. Sure enough, I have already commented.
    Anyway, I still think this is excellent. Thanks for entering!

    • MsAlee gold member
      December 6, 2008
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      LOL. Didn't even realize that I had entered it into one of your contests before. I never pay much attention to who the contest host is.


  • Dawn Bon
    December 4, 2008
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    Great great great, thanks!


  • Misguided Mess.
    November 29, 2008

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    Nicely written but kind very fluffy.
    Not my type exactly but no denying it was a good story.

    Good luck and thank you for entering.


  • DeathNoteYaoi
    November 27, 2008

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    Awwwww It makes me all fuffy inside i love it very powerful words in the story ^^ Great work good luck

    DNY---


  • StarOfDreams23
    November 27, 2008
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    This was really great, I loved it. But it was a little to short but I loved it!!!!!!


  • LoneWriter
    November 23, 2008

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    I can't believe I forgot to comment on this the first time!

    I've heard true love as a mth before, but this really shows that it is true. This is something to "awww" at. I did it a couple times while reading this. In my head I kept thinking of reasons why the boy and girl have been kept apart from eacother. Because of a war, family, money, etc. Although I love how it leaves something to ponder about.

    Good Luck in my contest,
    ~LoneWriter


  • Lonesome Dove
    November 17, 2008

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    Beautifully written. Your descriptions and imagery brought this piece to life. I got lost in the story imagining myself finally meeting my true love. Thank you for such a moving story. I hope it happens for both of us


  • Kevan gold member
    November 17, 2008

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    Oh my god, this was so beautiful!
    Full of images and description, the story really spoke to me. The rain really fit into this story, and I'm glad to say that the story meets my contest requirements. Best of luck to you and all you pursue.

    xoxox.
    Kevan.


  • LivingDeadGirl56
    November 16, 2008
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    Well written, very beautiful, and great imagery, but I hate Nickelback haha. Nice work.


  • KiwiGurl
    November 14, 2008

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    Usually love storys don't interest me, but suprisingly, this one did! Good job, it takes a good story to do that! Keep it up and good luck in the contest!


  • georgiaz
    November 14, 2008
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    lovely
    a bit short for my liking

    there are lots of loose ends which needs to be tied up

    i suggest you re-write it

    • MsAlee gold member
      November 14, 2008
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      I'm sorry it was not to your liking, I shall not be rewriting it for I see no loose ends. If you would care to give an example of a loose end, I might take adjusting it into consideration.


  • MidniteRockers
    November 11, 2008

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    Romantic

    A lovely romance story. At first I thought she was getting married, but then when I got into it, I soon worked out what was going on. I personally liked this piece.
    Good luck
    Lolly x


  • DogsLookUp silver member
    November 2, 2008

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    Breath-takingly lovely.

    The rich descriptions of the rain, the thunder and your heart were so wonderfully poetic and soulful. Ah, what would it be like to be standing there in the cleansing, heavy downpour, breathing in the smell of the earth and a loved one? I think everyone deserves a fantasy romance like this - you especially

    Keep up the excellent work.

    ~ Ink XOXOXOXOXO

  • Orimis gold member
    October 30, 2008
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    Powerful.

    I enjoyed the imagery here (even if it was a bit overdone at some parts), and I am a big sucker for romance stories. Thanks a lot for entering!

    "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" is a great song.


  • DaniCM
    October 28, 2008
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    very sweet! i loved it! thanks for entering! Good luck!
    ~Dani


  • TNTrouble
    October 20, 2008

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    *tears fill My eyes...the closest I shall be getting to rain for some time*
    Cannot believe that I missed this until now baby...I am so overwhelmed. Absolutely beautiful. I am just...wow. Just wow.

    • MsAlee gold member
      October 20, 2008
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      I'm glad you liked it. Maybe next story I write on the spur shall give you a beautiful sunshiny day with a few wispy clouds in the sky.


  • dark-fantasies
    October 20, 2008

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    Wow, I love the beautiful descriptions in this. I thought you made the rain appear so magical, and everything about this was sweet and perfect. Amazing imagery, well done!


  • Riftkin
    October 17, 2008

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    this is so beautiful and i hope it can be just like that for you one day, a perfect meeting.

    Sexy

    • MsAlee gold member
      October 17, 2008

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      Thanks so much, it would be lovely if this is how it is to happen even if the rainbow in front of the moon sounds a bit fantasy like.

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