[As the Memories Come Back]

[As the Memories Come Back]1

Rachel fell against the wall backwards as the door flew open behind her, Elizabeth close behind and pressed against her in a minute, their lips locked in a passionate embrace. Elizabeth slammed the door closed with her foot, roughly grabbing at Rachel’s shirt and tearing at it, trying to rip it off her. Rachel growled at her and shoved her away, quickly pulling her shirt up and over her head instead. Their bodies entwined once more, they tumbled through the bedroom doorway as Rachel pulled at Elizabeth’s skirt, and onto the bed, lost in the sheets.2

*..@_@..*3

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Rachel whispered, squeezing Lily’s hands, and Lily nodded anxiously.4

“I’m just sorry I wasn’t ready sooner, Rachie,” Lily replied softly. Rachel leaned up and pecked her on the lips before taking Lily’s hands in hers again and opening the doors leading into the hallway of lower campus.5

They marched down the hall that day very proud of themselves as other students focused in on the hands that were entwined, whispering among themselves. Rachel looked over at Lily with admiration, who gazed right back with a grin.6

They exited through the doors at the other end of the hall and burst into fits of giggles as the doors closed shut behind them. They ran into the field and fell onto the grass, holding each other close and laughing.7

“I think that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life!” Lily breathed through side-splitting laughter. Rachel grinned and rolled her eyes as Lily pulled herself together.8

“Aw, some on,” Rachel pouted with a tease. “It wasn’t that bad! I mean…they already knew we were gay.”9

“Yeah, but now they know just who I’ve belonged to all this time,” Lily said with a grin. Rachel laughed.10

“Yeah, and not that silly Florida girl or whatever you tried going with before,” Rachel teased again.11

“Hey!” Lily said defensively. “She wasn’t that bad!”12

“Yeah, but I’m better.” Lily snorted and rolled on top of her, kissing her gently and laughing.13

“Ehh…I don’t know…”14

“HEY!” Rachel slapped Lily’s ass as she wrapped her arms around her waist.15

“AH! JEEZ! Ok! Ok! You’re a thousand times better…” Lily kissed Rachel, and as she pulled away Rachel lifted her head and pressed their lips back together.16

“THAT’S INAPPROPRIATE!” The shriek of their vice principal caused them to fall apart from each other and then burst into giggles as their fingers entwined.17

They were happy. That’s all that mattered. Who was to say otherwise?18

*..@_@..*19

Rachel groggily strolled into the bedroom as she returned. Tossing her keys on the bedside table and slipping off her shoes, she looked down at Elizabeth and smiled sadly. She felt guilty, compelled to wake Elizabeth up and explain everything to her. Elizabeth didn’t even know Lily was back in town yet. Rachel knew she should have told her, knew that she should tell her now, but something kept her from doing it. She needed to have lunch with Lily first and figure out why Lily was even really there before she told Elizabeth anything. That’s just how Rachel was. Elizabeth knew that. It was partially the reason that threw them together in the first place…20

*..@_@..*21

Ah, Christmas. What a wonderful time of the year, so jolly, so happy, so…so…merry! But this year, Christmas wasn’t like that for Rachel. It was a drag, something she wanted over before it had even started. She couldn’t stand all the happy people around her. It was driving her nuts. So where was she spending this Christmas? Well, right now, at the bar.22

Elizabeth slipped through the crowd of people in the convention center of the office at her work, he eyes scanning the scenery around her for Rachel. The New York Times was hosting its annual Christmas party for the staff and some big major people in the entertainment world that were always invited. And Elizabeth couldn’t find Rachel anywhere. Defeated, she headed to the bar for a drink. She didn’t even reach it before she spotted Rachel tipping back a glass of scotch.23

“Rachel!” Elizabeth screamed and marched over, glaring at Rachel as she ordered a second one, double. “Rachel, you don’t need that. You promised you wouldn’t tonight!” Rachel scowled, tipping the second drink back anyways.24

“Fuck promises. I can’t do it, Elizabeth. I can’t take all this fucking happiness! A year…a whole goddamn year…remind me why I’ve made it his far again?”25

“Because of me, you fucktard,” Elizabeth said, pushing away Rachel’s next drink and grabbing her wrists. “And I’m not going to let you get drunk and act like a fucking whore again! I’m done with your drunkenness every night! It needs to stop! I can’t deal with your hangovers either! You’re a mess, and you just won’t let me fix you!” Rachel teared up and looked at her, shaking her head furiously.26

“You can’t, Elizabeth. You just can’t!” Rachel inched closer to Elizabeth, shaking her head. “Some things…are meant to be left broken…” Elizabeth glared at her.27

“Not you, Rachel. You need to pull yourself together. Now, I said I was going to help you, but I’m going to drop you like a hot potato if you keep giving me bullshit-”28

“Oh, shut up!” With that, Rachel grabbed the back of Elizabeth’s neck and pulled her head towards hers, crashing their lips together. Elizabeth tensed before relaxing and giving in, wrapping her arms around Rachel’s waist as Rachel tangled her hands in Elizabeth’s hair. They stood there kissing, lost in the moment, oblivious to life around them, oblivious to the applause from their co-workers that started to ring through the hall. When they finally pulled away, they turned laughing to the people smiling and clapping around them. What a merry Christmas indeed.29

*..@_@..*30

Rachel smiled as she put her arm around Elizabeth’s sleeping form and pulled her closer, burying her face in Elizabeth’s neck. Elizabeth turned in her sleep and wrapped her own arms around Rachel. Rachel yawned, missing the small smile on Elizabeth’s face, and slowly drifted off into a peaceful sleep for a change. But oh, the memories she dreamed…31

*..@_@..*32

Key looked over at Rachel as their legs dangled over the large dock. The tide was out, so it merely hovered above a group of rocks. Rachel gazed silently below with a sad smile, watching the two girls below her. Lily and Diana, aka Florida girl, giggled and laughed as they waded through pools between the rocks, looking for starfish and periwinkles and the like.33

“Don’t they make such a cute couple?” Key commented casually. She watched Rachel’s eyes flare with a sudden anger before calming down again. Rachel just nodded silently in agreement. “And…you don’t care?” Rachel glared at her.34

“Of course I care! I always fucking care!” Rachel blurted out, and Key quirked an eyebrow at her. Rachel loved Key like a sister, and they had always been kind of close. Key was always the observer, the one who figured everything out before anyone told her anything. Yet, she was still always the first person to know things anyways. Back when Rachel and Lily first started, in the very very beginning when it was a big secret, Key was one of two people who knew about it. Paige was the other one. Paige had always been for Rachel what Key had been for Lily, a backboard.35

So Rachel and Key sat silently then, Rachel still focused on the happy couple below, Lily happy as ever. Lily had gotten back with Diana, supposedly thanks to Rachel. Even Key didn’t quite understand it, but as long as Lily was happy…that’s really all that mattered to either of them.36

“You know, to be honest,” Rachel started again, and Key looked over to her, “sometimes I wish I was one of those people.”37

“What do you mean?” Key asked, utterly confused.38

“You know, one of them.” Rachel nodded to Diana, and for a moment Key thought she understood until Rachel continued. “Someone Lily turns around and actually focuses solely on for a change, claims to love and cherish and plans a future with. Someone she shows off, takes around and makes wild promises to that she tries so hard to keep…But then I seriously think about how things would be had I been like that for her. And I realize, I’m lucky to not be one of them. Because if I were, I wouldn’t be here right now.”39

“I see…” Key was still totally lost, and Rachel knew it. So rolling her eyes, Rachel tried to explain.40

“Well, think about it. She’s never actually as serious about these people as she says. It’s why she doesn’t have such a problem going out of her way to do so much stuff. So she loves them…but in a way, she doesn’t. And as soon as it’s done for her, she doesn’t ever go back to them. It’s like they’re a onetime thing for her. Someone to take her mind off of all the shit she puts on herself, so she does all that stuff just to…forget about reality for a bit. And if I was ever one of them, do you think I’d be here right now?”41

“I guess you’re right,” Key said, thinking about it now. “But I think she feels for them more than you know.”42

“Oh, I know she feels for them. It’s obvious…but I don’t think she’s serious about those feelings. Does that make sense?”43

“Kind of, yeah. I can understand that.”44

“Because then that’s where I come in. That’s why I come in between all these people. I’m not so sure she’s serious about me either, but I’m not like them. That’s why she hides it so much. I’m the reality that’s keeping her grounded, so she comes back. Maybe I’m just a filler, and maybe I’m just being used, but she doesn’t ever come back to them….let’s put it this way, it’s like this Harry Potter fanfiction I read once. Ok, yes, so I was lame back when I was reading it due to the fact that it was a Severus/Hermione pairing, but it kind of goes with this. Severus cheated a lot, Hermione knew that. But he always gave her this white rose. That’s how she knew that in the long run, those other people never really meant anything. She said she’d always be around until he gave someone else a white rose, because then she’d know he was gone from her forever. I know, that sounds really cheesy and lame, but it’s kind of like that with Lily, I guess. She comes back, she always does. That’s my white rose. So I’m still around, no matter how much it hurts.”45

“I get that, but there’s one thing I don’t understand…why do you do it?” Key asked. “Why are you still here?” Rachel turned to stare her dead in the eye, and smiled softly.46

“Because I made a promise. She needs me. She always will.”47

*..@_@..*48

Had anyone else been on the field that night, they would have heard echoing laughter from the pair that lay in the middle of it. Lily lay comfortably in Rachel’s arms, her head resting just beneath Rachel’s chin as they gazed upwards at the wide vast open sky. It was absolutely gorgeous, and littered with stars. Lily glanced down at her hand again, which Rachel was still toying with. Rachel loved Lily’s hands, and not just because she was a lesbian. But rather, because to Rachel, Lily had the softest hands in the world. Yet, they were so scarred, and never really smooth. But Rachel adored them, and was always playing with them. She loved the feel of them beneath her fingertips. So as Lily gazed down at their hands with adoration, it was really nothing new to her.49

“Oh! Hey! I got you something,” Rachel said suddenly in the midst of the silence that had followed their laugher. Lily looked up at her and quirked an eyebrow as Rachel shifted suddenly, feeling around in her back pocket for something. She pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to Lily. Lily just stared at it. Rachel laughed. “Open it up!” Lily complied, her eyes widening in shock.50

“You…you bought me a star!?” Lily squealed, grinning. “And…oh my God, you named it after me too! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” Lily kissed Rachel swiftly before jumping up and dancing around the field. Rachel roared with laughter before hoisting herself up and catching a hold of Lily, pulling her close and kissing her all over her face.51

“Well, we both know I can’t actually give you all the stars in the sky, but I saved up to buy you one…There’s a map in here somewhere to point out where it is…” Rachel took the paper and flipped it over, looking at the map and then looking at the sky. Lily grinned, and opened her mouth to thank Rachel again, but then stopped suddenly.52

“Wait, how much did this cost?” Lily asked seriously, and Rachel blushed, shaking her head.53

“It doesn’t matter. I already bought it. It’s y-” Lily covered Rachel’s mouth with her hand, glaring at her slightly.54

“How much did it cost, Rachel?” Rachel shuffled her feet back and forth, mumbling her answer. “What’d you say?”55

“A thousand dollars…” Lily’s eyes widened and Rachel went on before Lily could speak. “I-I know what you’re gonna say! But I already bought it, no refunds. It’s a gift, Lily, so just please accept it. I always promised you the stars in the sky, didn’t I? I figured it was about time to follow through on that promise…so I went online and looked it up. I found this program that did it for me. You own a star. That one.” Rachel pointed upwards and Lily looked at her instead, her eyes tearing up. “Oh, Lily, don’t cry! It wasn’t much, just some money, that I was saving for you-”56

Lily jumped on Rachel and tackled her to the ground, straddling her and kissing her hard on the mouth. Rachel wiped at Lily’s tears, realize they were tears of joy, not sadness, and grinned back at her girlfriend. Lily nuzzled Rachel and then moved her lips to nibble on her ear.57

“I love you,” Lily whispered and Rachel smiled.58

“I love you too…”59

“Promise me something?” Lily said, sitting up suddenly. Rachel sat up to and wrapped her arms tightly around Lily’s waist, nodding. “Promise me you’ll always know I love you, no matter what, even if I tell you I don’t. Never believe me. Promise me that.” Rachel smiled and kissed her lover.60

“I promise.”61

“Pinky promise?” Lily held up her pinky.62

“Pinky promise.” Rachel wrapped her pinky around Lily’s, before they collapsed into a fit of giggles. Nothing was even funny. It was just that random burst of joy, and laughter was how they got it out. Rachel laid back down and pulled Lily with her, wrapping her arms tightly around Lily and pointing to her star. “That’s yours, Darling. And it’ll always be yours, the way you’ll always be mine…I love you.”63

*..@_@..*64

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!65

Rachel groaned and rolled over, slamming her hand down on the alarm clock to turn it off. She turned around and snuggled into Elizabeth, contemplating asking her to skip work that day and stay in bed all day…Of course, the previous night flooded into her mind then, and she remembered her lunch date. And knew she couldn’t take this time off. Glaring at the wall, Rachel sat up and spun to the side to put her feet on the floor right before a migrane hit her hard. Oh, what a thing, what a thing. As the memories come back.