Super-Man~~Chapter 9~~Weddings

Best spring break was kind of an understatement, but I don't like my readers to think that I'm yelling at them or that I have a mental deficiency that causes me to have seizures when expressing joy, so I'll just leave it at that it was the best I'd had in Iowa.1

As the first week of April rolled around, I could feel a sink of dread into my stomach. Toad's wedding.2

Toad's a friend of the family, who at her first wedding wore a fancy wedding dress, sneakers, and was chewing bright green gum.3

Now, I'd love to give you a detailed description of the vast landscape between Iowa and Omaha, but I spent the three hour car ride sleeping in the back seat. I suppose I can describe it to you anyways. Corn field, corn field, cows, cow, corn, beans, cows, beans, beans, corn, cows, car (Oh my god! Civilization! A white trash trailer punk in a beat up '76 Chevy, but a sign of civilization none the less), cow, corn, corn, road kill (Probably a future dinner for said "Civilization"), corn, corn, beans, cow...Can you see why I slept the whole way?4

Three hours later we get to Omaha, find the hotel, change, (My outfit was so adorable! Strappy little stiletto sandals, black mini skirt, white tank top, and a black over-shirt), and leave for the church.5

According to the map Toad had sent us, it should have taken us about half an hour to go from the hotel to the church, so we left forty-five minutes early, and got there fifteen minutes late. Male drivers. What more is there to say? When we finally got there, the bride's sister, who was whispering, even though we were outside, ushered us in, and the bride was already up the aisle.6

The wedding itself wasn't bad, until it was time to sing. Me and Dad had to resist the urge not to laugh. It didn't work too well. First cheapened they're song books and the words didn't match at all, the only reason they found the right page was that I looked at the people in front of us. Never can say I didn't learn nothing from copying. Then the preacher/minister/whatever said something about Toad being smart. I almost lost it (She's kind of a ditz). Then the next song came along. Couldn't find it in the book, either, and the people in front of us couldn't either. The first song was monotone, so monotone it reminded me of my old geometry teacher, and the last song, let's just say I meant to tell Toad that when you hire someone to sing, make sure they can actually sing.7

The reception wasn't too bad I guess, for a sober event. The food was finicky eater's nightmare, but the cake was excellent. I spent the entire time sitting in the corner with my folks, bored out of my mind, texting random people, mainly Toto, simply because he'd actually respond.8

At one point I actually got a chance to talk to the bride, and ask her the question I'd been dying to ask her: "Nike? Adidas? Puma?"9

"Sketchers," Toad responded, lifting the front of her dress, displaying her sneakers.10

All I could do is laugh as I rejoined the parental units.11

Things were quiet until the bouquet toss. Toad just had to try to get me there, and the DJ, A.K.A. annoying little shit with a microphone, told me if I didn't go up there of my own accord, that he was going to escort me there. This'll be a good time to visit Daddy outside. So I left.12

After that ordeal Mom and Dad went to the boats, after stopping and getting me the hotel room necessities: Gummi Bears, Gummi Worms, Diet Vanilla Coke, and a bottle of Mr. Bubble for my first honest to god bath in about two years (I shower, but our tubs broken, and that bubble bath felt wonderful), then watched the ass end of Twister, then VH1's Ultimate Albums: Dookie followed by Storytellers: American Idiot. Oh the smexyness of Billie Joe Armstrong, I can't say that enough. Then I finished off the night with Rat Race. Great night for me, no sarcasm implied.13

I woke up the next morning curled up in a ball amongst all the blankets.14

I hate weddings...15

~ ~To Be Continued...~ ~16