X's & O's

Alone, waiting for someone to find me, I sat in my room, simply watching the clock ticking away on the wall."Better late then never' i thought to myself. Could it really be that they just didn't care, didn't understand, couldn't understand. Did they even try? Even if they wanted to I knew they never could, they never had seen the pain that I felt, they never wanted to. Five times was no accident, the doctors knew me, they knew me better then my parents. 1

Gods' people living in blind denial claiming that there daughter would never, NEVER, take the 'Devil's Way'. Heaven doesn't accept the damned, they think to pray me away from it, to yell me out of it, to guilt me away from my mind. Instead of helping me, they hurt me, turning a blind eye when I needed them, pretending they care when everyone else is watching. Just an act though because they don't, ever since I told them myself. 2

Knowing didn't make them care anymore, telling them only distanced us, not what i wanted. Lying to them was so much more efficent. Mom just freaked and cried, like I knew she would, but when she went to hug me. . . Nathan stopped her, fuck Nathan, who is he to me? Obviously he would never care for me, how often do step-parents, he was after all the enemy. Papa would have cared. 'Quit acting like a child', 'she does it for attention' thats all he thought, that I was some small child wanting a spotlight. Right after papa left it started, HE drove him away, they both did, Mom always listened to Nathan, even now. She wanted to care and she suggested therapy and talking, even sending me to papa but HE said no. They teamed up against me and he convinced her that he was right, I was wrong, as always, I was just a kid. 3

Understanding me was a waste of time, so they thought, so i thought, so everyone thinks, but the solution is simple. Very simple and so much clearer then ever before. Wasting away in my room, pointless, so I'll just tell them straight, write my way out. 4

X's & O's explain away what they couldn't see. 5

Years ago they decided not to care and about an hour ago I decided a sixth trip to the hostpital was just a waste of my time. Zero excuses for them this time, they had their chance, but they let me go.