Max Adams stood on the beach at Raven's Cove as he did most nights just looking at the glorious sunset. Tonight was no different the sunset with its colours or shades of orange, apricot, flame, gold, marigold and peach, with the dash of amber and lemon were far more glorious than all the sunsets he'd ever seen before and to watch the dolphins play. 1
Someone shouted, "Max there you are, I have been looking for you? Here I brought you a beer." Max smiled.2
"Hello Jodie, I told you I was busy tonight."3
"Yea sure, you look busy gazing out to sea or, are you looking at this romantic sunset. 4
Golden rays reflecting over the water, Come on Max, what the hell is wrong with you? Just lately you have been so distant."5
"Have I Jodie?"6
"Yes you have and you know it. What is wrong with you?" 7
She said again turned around and walked back toward the house her long honey, flaxen hair flowing in the moonlight. 8
It was the first time Jodie had, had her hair down usually she had it tied up in a ponytail or it was plaited. She was even wearing a dress which was very not her yet she looked fantastic in it, Jodie hated wearing dresses she only wore jeans T-Shirts and jumpers. 9
What is going on he thought, his best friend Scott Collins a small boy skinny very skinny, brown mousy hair that fell over his apple green eyes was also acting out of character.10
Max stood out there gazing out to sea, had it really been two years today since he broke up with Tammy Howard. 11
Now she was quite something she was beautiful not just on the inside but on the outside too. She wasn't tall but not small either, brown mahogany wavy hair that feel around her face. And her dark brown eyes Max found tears running down his cheeks, something happened something changed between them. She had told him that her family had to move away, her mother a nurse had been offered a job the other side of the country and she had accepted but now they were back.12
Max walked along the beach toward his house all the lights were off, that's strange, he thought, as he got near to the house the back door was hanging off it's hinges, "what the hell," he muttered something hit him from behind. Several hours Max woke up in the hospital he felt confused where am I he thought he tried sitting up but for some reason his neck hurt. Someone was sitting next to his bed but it wasn't Jodie, it was Tammy Howard and she looked worried, no, scared very scared.13
"Hey."14
"Hey back."15
"What happened? Where is Jodie?" Tammy looked down at her hands for a moment before answering him.16
"Come on Tam, it can't be that bad can it?"17
"Max what is the last thing you remember?"18
"I was standing on the beach looking at the sunset, thought about you Jodie came around she brought me a beer, went back to the house." 19
He went quiet for a moment, 20
"Someone hit me from behind and then nothing. 21
Why?"22
"Jodie's gone missing she's been missing since last night you were the last person to see her. Max they think she's dead and they think you did it." She burst into tears.23
Max tried sitting up but his neck hurt really bad so much so that he cried out, "My neck." Tammy looked up, "Oh Max,"24
"What?" he said; now he was getting / becoming scared.25
"Oh Max, you were bitten...Bitten by..."26
"Tammy," called Mrs Howard who had walked into the room. "You have to leave now visiting time is over and this young man needs to get some sleep."27
"Ok. Mum" she turned back to Max and kissed him on his cheek, "See you later Max."28
"See your Tam." 29
Mrs Howard felt for his pulse, checked his dressing, "Mrs Howard Tammy said that I had been bitten, bitten why what?"30
"We don't really know but it looks like you were attacked by a wild animal, it's a real nasty bite. To be really honest with you Max we didn't think you would live not only were you bitten what ever it was attacked you it also infected your blood." But under her breath she muttered we all hoped that you wouldn't survive and walked out of the room pretty quick. Max felt a chill go down his body had he heard right did Mrs. Howard really wished him dead, he had got to of heard her wrong he must have.31
Max was scared he had to get out of the hospital, go to the police or something, or better still just to leave town and go as far away as he was able. So he waited until he was sure that nobody would be close by to stop him. He managed to get out of bed to look for his clothes without crying out his neck really hurt it felt like hot coals and red hot sharp nails were stabbing him in his neck. It was hard for him to stand up each time he tried he would go dizzy and feel very sick.32
How he managed to reach the doors of the hospital Tammy was waiting outside, "I thought you would never come" she said putting her arms around him holding her up and guiding him to her car. 33
She helped him into the car and went around the other side. Tammy turned the key started the engine and they drove off heading out of the town.34
"We have to go as far away from town as we can Max, I need to tell you why mum said what she said it's not what you think." 35
Max had his eyes closed he couldn't seem to be able to open them in the sunlight also he just wanted to sleep.36
"Why, what did your mum mean when she said that she wished I hadn't survived?"37
"Max she didn't mean it the way she said it, she really didn't. Look I will explain everything when we reach the cottage ok."38
But Max had fallen asleep, Tammy was worried the transformation would start in a day or two, she wasn't sure how she was going to explain or how Max would react when he found out. How could she have been so stupid in leaving last year when Jodie had decided to stay? Jodie had promised she would stay away from Max but as soon as she had left Scott had said she made the move on him. Scott had called her two weeks earlier to tell her Jodie's plan and she and her mother had returned they had thought that by returning it would put a stop to her plan but they had been wrong. Jodie still went along with it, she had rushed up to his house but by the time she got there, it was too late Max had been attacked.39
She had called her mother who had told her to get Max to the hospital, Jodie was no where to be found Scott didn't know where she was either and if he did he wasn't saying, her father had sent Scott and his father away they wouldn't tell her where they had sent them and but Tammy knew better than to pursue it, as it was her family were breaking all the rules to keep Max alive. 40
Later that evening they had reached the cottage Tammy had cooked something for them both to eat.41
"Ok. Tam you said that you would explain everything to me. What did you mean by that?"42
"Max..I'm not sure where to start really. Last year I left because, I don't know,"43
"Tam it can't be that bad look, you said in the car that your mum hadn't meant that she wanted me dead so start there."44
"You really believe my mother wanted you dead Oh Max I'm so, so, sorry. The animal that attacked you it was a wolf but no ordinary wolf some call us Lycan others the werewolf or wolf shapers, we as a people are the Lycaon." She stopped and watched his face as these words sank in.45
"So; that means what?" Max whispered and then held his breath.46
"Max; Jodie she is a Lycaon and she was the one who attacked you, I'm so sorry Max, I really am."47
"Tammy what does that make me?"48
"Max when Jodie attacked you she didn't have the intention of killing you, like me she's very much in love with you."49
"Tammy I asked you what, what does it make me and what is going to happen to me?" 50
"You are Lycaon and as long as you are under my parent’s protection you will be safe. Max life will never be the same again; you could never tell your parents what you are now. There is a plus were-as before we could never be together now we can. The elders forbid us from marrying or having a relationship with humans. My parents well, they broke the rules and allowed us to become friends and a lot more but when they realised how serious we were about each other they moved away."51
Max sat there watching her he didn't go any nearer but he didn't back away either.52
"So, Tammy you moved away leaving me with Jodie."53
"We thought you would be safe, we left Scott here to keep you safe two weeks ago he phoned to tell us what Jodie had planned. And you know the rest."54
"Scott is a Lycaon as well I should of guessed," Max said sarcastically.55
"Max don’t be like that please."56
"Like What Tam, like I'm pissed off or maybe I should just say how grateful I am."57
"I didn't mean anything, we came as quickly as we could to stop her, we thought that we had and dad had gone to see the elders."58
"Why would he do that?"59
"Because he wanted us to be happy, he was going to ask them to make it possible for us to be together. They would listen to him, I know they would have," she said tears falling down her face.60
"Tam I'm sorry too," Max walked toward her but just then something crashed through the window knocking him over. 61
Tammy screamed, "Jodie Nooo, Jodieee" the wolf turned around to look at her, it seemed to be grinning as it turned its attention back to Max. She tried ripping out his throat Max managed to keep its snout inches from his throat and face craws trying to swipe him just missing him by inches.62
If she didn't do something Jodie would kill him, she had to do something Tammy changed transformed into her wolf shape it would take several minutes for the transformation to be complete. Two other wolves come crashing through the window, they warned Jodie wolf off Max, they growled and snarled at her until she stopped and backed away from them. 63
Tammy went over to Max and sat by his side, Max was trying to catch his breath, scared he was more than scared, he was terrified his heart was beating so fast it sounded just like a drum any moment he knew that he could have been killed. If it hadn't been for the other two wolves, no he thought the other two werewolves. He looked at Tammy in her wolf form her brown eyes looked sad, Max new even in her wolf form he would recognize her. Stretching out his hands which were shaking he felt Tammy's fur, it felt silky and soft, he knew at that very moment in time he stilled loved her. 64
Where there had been two wolves a moment ago now stood two men one Max knew to be Tammy's dad, the other he didn't know.65
"Tammy" said her father, Tammy padded toward the door.66
"Tammy don't go, please." Max pleaded,67
"Max," Mr Howard said quietly placing his hand on Max's shoulder, the other man and Mr Howard helped Max back onto the settee. Max didn't have the strength to argue or fight what ever they going to do; he just didn't have the strength to fight.68
"Don't be cross with Tammy Mr Howard, she was just helping me."69
"Max we're not angry with Tammy or, with you."70
"What's going to happen to Jodie?"71
"That's nothing to do with you boy." 72
Just then Tammy walked back into the house, she walked up to Max, she stood there looking at Max not sure what to do. Max held out his hand to her, "Mr Howard," he said, "I love your daughter and I don't care whether you are werewolves, I still love her and I want to marry her."73
Mr Howard patted his shoulder "come on lets get you home Max, we have a lot to talk about."74
In the meantime Tammy had slunk away to the back of the house and out through the back door. She looked back once and ran off keeping to the shadows as she was still in her wolf form. Jodie gave a wolf smile as she went and revenge was on her mind.75
Please be genuine with your feedback
Comments
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Potent work...
...I have to admit, you have some of the best descriptions I've ever read - apple green eyes - this is perfect.
It sums up both personality as well as imagery. This is a great first chapter and a super start to something. My suggestions would be to stretch this chapter out into several chapters and elaborating more on the action. But being a Werewolf fan myself
I loved the world you described with the Lycans. Good read, silkcatseye!


beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Full of tension and very dramatic. You have a talent with description that brings the story to life "flaxen hair flowing in the moonlight" is just one example. I am slightly confused about where Jodie went, it says she back away but not that she left/escaped.
As always the richness of the descriptions makes the whole story feel alive. Stunning work.

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


