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Her and Ben had so many good times together. They were each others first homecoming date. And Ben was such a sweet guy!2
September 17th, 20043
Dear Diary,4
2 days until my birthday! We had a half day today. Ben was late to first period today because he filled our locker with balloons and candy roses! And then he wrote me a really sweet note! I couldn't believe it. I found them right before 3rd period and I about cried. Marti saw me trying to put the balloons back in and told me how seet Ben seems. He is the sweetest guy ever. It's weird. He's the first guy to treat me right and like a lady and like he loves me. I had to bring the balloons to 7th period with the candy roses. We had bus evacuation. Everyone decided to sing happy birthday to me and a ton of people told me how sweet of a guy Ben must be. I was really happy! For once I have a boyfriend I love and can be proud of instead of showing off a black eye I have flowers and balloons to show off. Today was just great!5
Night,6
Isabella7
Isabella laughed and cried with Ben during their relationship. She really missed him now as she remembered September 25th -- Homecoming.8
Author notes
just the next part
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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the reason you didn't get the first line was because you have to read it from entry 1 to the end
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I think I may need to go back and find the other parts. I love stories, so when I saw that you had stories posted, I wanted to go there first.
There are good and bad things. For the good things: I like where I think you're going and the story that I think you're telling. I think it's unique, but neat that you are writing it in journal or diary style - all very good.
The things I think you might need to look at: She and Ben ... (You tripped me on the first line there). Suggestion on the second sentence: They were each the other's first ... Actually, that still could probably be worded more clearly.
In the diary entry itself, it becomes really a matter of interpretation whether grammar and spelling should be perfect or not. Personally, I find it easier to read, and if it is written in the right voice, I don't think it loses any personality. You could also think that since it is a diary entry, it adds some personality to have a few spelling errors or strain the grammar a little to make it sound more natural. I really said all that because I wanted to say that "sweet" is misspelled, but perhaps it doesn't detract because it is in the diary entry.
Very nice story thus far. I really enjoyed the read. -
YAY! I another part!
LOVE IT!
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still have to write it sorry.. it'll be up soon!
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wheres #5 i really needa read it lol
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