Monster

I brought my right hand up to my stinging cheek, tasting blood. I winced at the forming bruise as my hand drifted to my mouth, wiping away the trickling blood. I kept my face down, so as not to make him any angrier. To him, I had no rights. I had no life. He isolated me from my friends, my family…myself. In the beginning everything was perfect…he was perfect. It all started with one slap and it escalated from there. 1

I should have recognized the signs early: putting me down constantly, extreme jealousy, telling me I was only allowed to wear certain clothes, blowing up at the slightest of mistakes, and wanting to know where I was at all times. I questioned him about it once. He hit me and said I was never to ask him anything again. He later apologized and said he loved me. How naïve. It should have been obvious, what was to come of the future, from doing research online and watching Dr. Phil. It’s just a whole different story when it happens to you. 2

“Get up!” he yelled. “I said get up!” 3

He delivered a swift blow to my stomach, sending me back to when everything was as good as it could have gotten.4

“Come on,” he laughed, “get up. You can do it.” 5

That’s when he used to smile. He was always taking me ice skating, or out for ice cream or over to his house to bake a cake for our anniversary. I did my best to fight back the tears, but it was too overwhelming to know that the person I loved was nothing but a monster. I missed the person I fell in love with. Where did he go? When did this shadow of him take over? When did everything start going down hill? I wanted him back, I wanted my Steele back. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I let the tears pour. 6

“I told you to never go anywhere without telling me!” Steele roughly grabbed my arms and slammed my back against the jagged brick of the store. He grabbed my face, jerking it up in his direction. I stared into his steel-gray eyes, and realized his name was not just a name, it was a description. His name was the forefront of his personality, the glint of rage in his hard, shallow eyes. His name described who he really was. I began to wonder if the Steele I once knew was a creation of my imagination or if it was all an act right from the beginning. Even if it was, I was in far too deep now. Too many mistakes had been made, too many boundaries crossed. I loved him, no matter what he did to me.7

“Who did you see?! Who were you with?!” He spat as his shaggy black hair fell around his face. He slid his hand down to my throat, applying an overwhelming amount of force. “Tell me,” he growled.8

“Please,” I managed to choke out, “I…was with…no…one.” Slamming his fist against the brick wall, he released my neck allowing me to fall to the ground. I struggled for breath as my shaking knees tried their best to keep me standing.9

“Get in the car, Phoenix,” he whispered.10

I did as he ordered and stumbled into the passenger seat of his black Chrysler 300C. The familiar smell of leather, his cologne and cigarette smoke nearly made me hurl. I felt sick every time I inhaled this constant reminder of what had happened and what was to come.11

That night, he drove me home without a word. A million stories of what to tell my parents ran through my head. Oh, no mom, I just tripped over a piece of sidewalk…I got hit with a basketball in the face, dad…We were playing badminton today in Gym and some girl accidentally whacked me in the face. The badminton sounded most believable and that was the story I told my mother as soon as a look of horror struck her face. I regretted lying to her, but it had to be done. The truth would hurt her more. However, it seemed her mind put two pieces of a puzzle together as her eyes flashed with momentary intuition. But, like always, to my relief, she believed me, replying “Oh, alright honey. I hope you feel better.” as I trudged up the stairs. 12

For me, my room was a place of comfort, a place where no one could reach me or hurt me. It was the only place I could let everything go and just cry. It was the only place I could really think about how every situation got out of hand…13

I had walked to the grocery store to pick up some milk, cereal and bagels for breakfast the next few mornings. I was at the check-out when he saw me. That’s when it all happened; the hitting, the kicking, the yelling. The hour he spent trashing my body was cemented to the walls of my mind, playing over and over like a round-a-bout projector. I didn’t want to think about it anymore, so instead I just cried. I cried for myself and how stupid and afraid I was. I cried for my parents because their only daughter was being hurt. And I cried for Steele. If only he wasn’t such a monster.14

That night I dreamt of searching. I wandered aimlessly for hours in a dark and dead forest, searching. But for what? And finally, I found it. I could feel the wide smile spread across my face as a wave of relief and happiness overwhelmed me. 15

“Steele…!” I cried out. It was him, it was truly him. The Steele I thought I’d lost. The Steele who was sweet, and comforting, and understanding. My feet couldn’t move fast enough as my slow stride brought me closer to him, my arms open wide ready to embrace him. He looked perfect, absolutely perfect. He was standing directly under a ray of sunlight that broke through the treetops. There was a tint of bronze to his choppy hair where it was kissed by the sun. His grey eyes seemed to sparkle and his smile brought a pleasant glow to the forest around us. As soon as I was close enough to caress the side of his face, he changed abruptly. His face twisted into a scowl as his eyes turned to a glowing red. And now, instead of holding a welcoming smile, he possessed an ominous grin. He began to laugh and lifted his right arm, an unrealistically large knife in his clenched hand. I tried to scream, but when nothing came out, my bony fingers found their way to my mouth. A warm, wet substance surrounded it, as well as a thin, rough material. I caught a glance of myself through Steele’s knife. The wet substance was blood and my mouth had been sewn shut with rusted fence wire. I prepared myself for his murderous blow, but nothing came. I opened my eyes only slightly and could hear my gasp echo off the surrounding trees. Lurking in the shadows was a dark figure. He held Steele back, keeping him away from me. 16

“Run…” He whispered. It sounded more like a trick of the wind than anything. My feet stayed planted to the ground, as I squinted into the shadows. 17

I woke with a jolt that morning, remembering I never got the chance to find out who saved me. My head swam to the surface of reality and I realized I was surrounded by deafening silence. Bright rays of sunlight filtered through my sheer curtains as I groggily rolled out of bed. I searched for any sign of life besides my own. Both of my parent’s cars were gone. Vacation, I thought. 18

A square neon-colored piece of paper proved my guess right. My mother’s elegant script read:19

Phoenix,20

Your father and I have left for another vacation in Italy. We’ll be gone for four weeks at the most. Before our departure, your father and I restocked the pantry and the refrigerator-only as a precaution, dear, you know I trust you. Please take good care of yourself-you have proved yourself responsible time and time again. 21

We’ll back soon. We love you.22

Mom & Dad23

I winced at my mom’s lines about trust and responsibility. I was far from anything close to those ideas in my present position. Placing the Post-It note back onto the counter I answered the ringing phone. “Hello?”24

“Phoenix.” My stomach dropped, and I nearly collapsed.25

“Hi, Steele.” I whispered.26

“I want you to get ready, we’re going to the lake. I’ll be there in forty-five minutes.” Then the line went dead.27

I headed to the bathroom to get ready but when I looked into the mirror, I didn’t recognize who was staring back at me. Her skin was pale and sallow with dark, bruise-like shadows under her emerald eyes. A small amount of swelling accompanied her left eye where as her right one had the most-vague tint of purple. There was a faint hand print and light bruising on her neck along with a slightly swollen lower lip and as I reached out to her, I realized that this girl was me. I couldn’t believe how neglected I looked. It must have been months or maybe even over a year since I really ever looked at myself in a mirror. I ran to my room, pausing to look at a school picture my mother had hung on the wall. It was from the beginning of my sophomore year, just a week before I met Steele. I looked happy and healthy. My red hair was neat and brushed. My eyes seemed to glow in the amateur lighting of the school photographers, and my smile seemed genuine and kind. There were no bruises, no swelling and no purple, bleeding eyes, just me: Phoenix Cryer. I continued to my room, threw on a pair sweats, over-sized black sunglasses and a beige-colored scarf. I checked myself in the mirror. There was nothing I could do about my lip, but everything was much less noticeable. 28

There was a sudden knock at the door. No way could he be here yet, I thought to myself, it’s only been ten minutes. He’s got thirty-five left. I peeked through the heavy curtains, and saw a very friendly face.29

“What are you doing here, Milo?” I asked a little relieved, as soon as I closed the door after letting him in.30

“I came to see you,” he responded.31

“Well, that part’s obvious,” I muttered. “Look, you really shouldn’t be here.”32

“Come on, Phoenix, you’re my best friend. It’s been forever since we’ve had fun together.” he complained. His honey-brown eyes were hopeful and pleading, and his bottom lip jutted out. His chocolate brown hair had grown out since the last time I saw him. It grazed his brow-bone and softly flowed to frame his puppy-dog like face. Any other time I wouldn’t have been able to resist the look he was giving me. But that was another life, a happier time, where there were no worries.33

“You should really go, Milo,” I whispered as I frowned down at my bare feet.34

“Don’t be like that,” he said softly, reaching to lift my chin to face him. I flinched away as bits and pieces of the similar things Steele did to me faded in and out of my mind. Milo obviously didn’t mind the gesture, instead he laughed a little.35

“Why are you wearing sunglasses and a scarf inside your house?” He pulled both off in one swift motion. I couldn’t hide the fear and horror on my face as my hands flew up to my neck and face, fluttering over every part trying to figure out which place to hide first. 36

Milo’s eyes seemed to bulge out of their sockets when he gasped. He dropped the sunglasses and the scarf and leveled his face to mine. “What happened?” he questioned in a low tone, his panicked eyes searched my face.37

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Everything around me became distorted and blurry but I couldn’t figure out why. Only the hint of salt I tasted made it clear to me that I was crying. I felt the sudden urge to tell him everything right from the very beginning. I couldn’t keep this from him any longer. If there was anyone who could help me, it was him. I tried once more to speak, but my words were too broken for him to understand. 38

“Is it him?” he asked, his back to me, staring intently at the curtains like they had answers for him.39

“What?” His question confused me. 40

“He did this to you, didn’t he?” His voice groveled.41

“You should go,” I said hoarsely.42

“You can’t let him do this to you.” Before I could answer him, I heard a very over-familiar sound approaching the house. My knees buckled as panic and fear washed over me. All oxygen escaped my lungs. I knew that sound, I could tell you anything about it. The 5.7L HEMI V8 engine had a Multi-Displacement System and 340 horsepower. The 18-Inch Chrome-Clad Aluminum Wheels quickened my pulse at least five times its normal rate. It was the monster from my worst nightmares. 43

“He’s here!” I whispered to Milo. He glanced out the window, and ran up to my room, I followed suit.44

“Phoenix!” Steele bellowed, slamming the door. I could hear him bounding up the hardwood stairs coming to sentence me to my torturous doom. Within a millisecond he was there in my bedroom doorway, chest heaving like a bull being taunted with a crimson flag. He stood in a position that was almost like a crouch as if he were going to attack me.45

“Phoenix, whose car is that outside?” he interrogated me.46

“I-I-“47

“Whose is it?!” he roared, grabbing a hold of my neck, lifting me into the air. His massive fist collided with the ribs on my left side, sending me to crash on my bedroom floor. I couldn’t breathe, but I was somehow able to puke up the acidic bile that was gnawing at my stomach. 48

He tore through my room, and I assumed he was looking for Milo. He smashed my giant mirror with one fist. I winced, but was shocked to find that Milo wasn’t behind it. I noticed there were shards of glass that remained in Steele’s fist causing him to bleed excessively, he didn’t notice. 49

“Where are you?!” he roared, decorating my plain, white walls with a series of holes and cracks. Steele turned his attention back towards me. He was more frightening then ever. His eyes were bloodshot, his face was as red as any Valentine’s Day rose. His stone hard chest heaved up and down, more fiercely than before as he seemed to blow burning hot steam into my face.50

“Where is he?!” he screamed. He never even gave me the chance to open my mouth before he dragged me out of the room by my hair. 51

“I…told…you …’you’re…never…allowed…to…see…ANYONE’!!” he bellowed through clenched teeth, delivering hard and swift blows with his feet to my stomach, my chest and my legs between his words. I gasped for air as my muscles contracted all over my body from the unbearable pain.52

“Why would you do this to me, Phoenix?” he panted, voice shaky. Placing my hands under myself, I struggled to sit up when Steele struck me in the face with his foot. His blundering kick sent me tumbling down the stairs. I ignored every ounce of pain in my body and crawled to the kitchen. I needed a weapon. I got as far as the island when a giant boot cut into my path. I looked up and saw the glinting butcher knife in Steele’s hand, a dark chuckle accompanied his evil grin. There was a mood of finality as a familiar sound reached my ears. Steele, once more, lifted me by my neck. But this time he sat me on the counter with the knife at my throat.53

“Why, Phoenix? I love you,” he pleaded as he stroked my neck with the sharp point of the knife. I whimpered in his grasp as the cold metal brought goose bumps to my skin. He sliced shallow knicks on the sides of my neck with the knife. I could feel him smile as his lips made a trail across my jaw when I cried out. The tip of the butcher knife caressed my bottom lip. As I tried to concentrate on something else besides my death, the familiar sound became louder. The sound was like a symphony of women screaming and wailing. It was coming closer and closer. Red and blue lights filled the living room through the drawn curtains. I finally understood that the sound was a series of sirens. Milo had alerted the police department. A wave of relief consumed me. 54

Appearing out of nowhere, Milo tackled Steele to the ground, holding him there until the pounding steps of the police could be heard ascending the porch. Their flashlights blinded me momentarily, they moved on to Steele who shielded his eyes with his bloody hands. He tried to run, but the officers were faster. They brought their knees down onto his back with excessive force as they hand-cuffed him on the ground. He had obviously been hit in the face, because when he turned to scream at me, he spat out a tooth along with blood.55

“I’m gonna kill you!” he screamed. “I’m gonna freakin’ kill you!! Do you hear me?! I will hunt you down and kill you!!”56

I was shaking violently as I sunk to the ground. I had been within millimeters of death, at the hand of someone I thought cared for me. Milo was suddenly there at my side, trying to calm me.57

“It’s okay,” he said. “It’s alright now. He’s gone, he’s gone.” He continuously told me that everything was alright and I didn’t have to worry. That Steele was gone and never coming back. I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t be sure of anything for a long time. Not until I knew he was in a place where he couldn’t come after me.58

Two weeks later, Steele was tried as an adult for assault and battery. He was sentenced to prison for two and one half years, 100 hours of community service and three years of therapy. Even though it seemed like the end of everything bad, I knew better than to hope that after he’d done his time he would just go about his business. But the idea of having nearly three years of peace comforted me. I thought positively. Maybe the therapy would help and then he wouldn’t come after me. So, instead I concentrated on a life that didn’t include any fear of his vengeance or his return, a life of peace and happiness…and a year of counseling for me.59