The Time Travelling Girl - Chapter One

Chapter One1

The Life Changing Trip To The Graveyard2

What can I do? Bubbling lava or Lion? Bubbling lava or Lion? Which one? There's no way out. It's either one of them. Bubbling, hot, burning lava or a fierce lion ripping me to pieces? No way am I going to get myself out of this one. Never. Never, ever, ever. My lifes over. Really over. But which one? I can't choose. Its too hard. I'm going to die both ways, so why be picky on deciding? Because I'm going to die, end of story. What about Scarlett? What about mom? What are they going to do without me? Oh god. Please help. This isn't fair.3

Ok. Bubbling lava. I've decided. It'll save me from unbearable torture. It will. It will. Deep breath in and out. I can feel the burning. Ouch! My face. It's hot, unbearable. I CAN'T DO THIS! The lava's spitting at me. It hurts, like a very bad finger prick. It feels like I'm plunging towards the lava. I am. The speed, faster than light. I'm dying. I'm falling.................4

Falling...................5

That's when I woke-up. Was it all a dream? Am I ghost now? Wait, if I were a ghost, I'd be dead. I'm clearly not the dead type, at the moment. But I do feel a little weird. Oh no, I am a ghost, I think. "Mom? Scarlett?" No reply. "Mom? Scarlett? Are you here?" Still no reply. Wait, I hear footsteps. I think they could be mom's. Or maybe there the footsteps of someone who is ready to behead me because the measly little accident involving ketchup just HAD to land on 'Little Miss Popular's' shoulder. It better not be. 6

Oh no. I'm not dead. Not a ghost. Not in trouble. Not anything. Accept alive. With my mom and little sister, Scarlett. Phew! That dream (which I still am thinking is true) felt really real. And maybe a bit too real. Do think it might happen in real? I mean I've always wanted to go to space, I might fall below the surface of the earth and strangely land in lava. Might do, you never know. But for now, I sit here eating toast, with Scarlett pulling childish faces being my back. Like I couldn't notice her? Wimp. Has she got anything else to do accept be stupid? Well, she could tidy her room like mom asked her to do like a million times. But, no. 7

Anyway, I've been asked by mom to take Scarlett down to dad's grave to put on some fresh flowers and to give our love.Yes, my dad did die. He died in a car accident. It wasn't his fault, it was the person driving the lorries fault. But nothing can be undone, unless you can go back in time, but I can't really. It would have been his birthday today. He'd be 35 years old. Mom won't come, she says it would be too emotional for her to cope with. I'm a very emotional person when I want to be, but I don't cry about it. Whats the point? Ok, yeah you might cry when you find out, but really crying doesn't get you anywhere. 8

When we got to the Graveyard, Scarlett started crying. It's like she has a switch. Because as soon as we set foot in the yard, I could see her eyes start filling with tears. And sorry, just in case you didn't get this, my sis is a cry baby. And she's 12, how much more of a baby can you get? No offence to her or anything.9

So I tried cheering her up by making silly, high voices which really cheered her up. But not enough for her to want to go home, before we even set foot near dad's grave. So I told, that I can't waste my time making her happy and told her to walk home and to feel guilty as she didn't have the gutts to see dad. That made her cry even more. But oh well, it was the truth. Nothings better than the truth.10

So when she'd finished weeping and walked home (which is only about 10 minutes away from where we live), I made the rest of the way to dad's grave. By that time, it was nearly 12:00pm, and I was getting peckish and wanted to go home and have dinner. But I made Scarlett feel guilty about going home, so I encouraged myself to carry on going. Of course, dad's grave is tucked right in the furthest corner of the graveyard, hidden under lots of trees and stupid teenaged druggies throw bottles of beer over the wall, which lands on dad's grave. 11

After aching legs and rumbling stomach, I finally reached dad's grave. I felt tired and I had a headache from stupid Scarlett's crying. I felt like I was going to pass out. And I did.12

I woke up again, feeling dazed and rather dizzy. I didn't know where the heck I was and my surroundings were very dark. I looked up at the sky, the moon was shining brightly and the stars twinkled. Had I been there so long that it had turned night? I looked at my watch, 10:00pm. Brilliant, I thought. So I got up staggering and made my way to dad's grave. I layed my cold, num finger on the gravestone. It was covered in moss, so I wiped the remanings away. I could just feel the smooth marble carving of the stone and could only just make out the words 'David Lee died 2003' It was quite hard to understand because of the curly, unreadable writing and my head had still gone a bit funny from fainting. But those 4 simple words mean alot to me. Not in a good way, but just to know people out there can come and pay there respect whenever they want. Whoever they are (accept the druggies).13

As I walked back to where I fainted to get the flowers, I heard a strange whisper. It sounded like someone was right up close to my ear, whispering. I laughed. I thought it was just Elisa playing a stupid joke on me again! She always hangs around the graveyard scaring people. When we were little she was always the dare devil. But I suppose, if you think about it, it wasn't really a giggly whisper. More like a serious one. Which all started up the very life changing trip to the GraveYard.....

Author notes

Hey! Thanks for reading the first chapter! I know, this is very long! But I enjoyed writing it very much and spent alot of time on it!

A contest entry

I know, a very long chapter, but I think it's really good. What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • tallblondie
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi - thank you for your entry, however, due to the fact that you have not fulfilled the requirements for this contest - you needed to submit a summary of your overall story or a query letter - I am DQing you. All the best of luck on your novelling adventures.

  • Cynder
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love it!

  • Rosemary
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting start

    Your story could go anywhere from the point you left off. Thank you for entering my contest.

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Youseemed to rant a bit in this, it became quite repetative and seemed to lack form. Needs some work, a little reformating, more detail. You may have something but it needs some work. Thank you for entering my contest.

  • Neolittlefish
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It was a bit repetative and lacked pace at times, but on the whole it was an entertaining read which I enjoyed, well done and thanks for entering


  • Disposable
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'm not at all sure you read or understood the premise of the contest I was holding. So I am sorry to say that I cannot give you a garnentee in winning, gold, silver or bronze.

    Other than that the story has promise. It was lacking something I could not put my finger on but was rather entertaining and did not bore me.

    Thanks for entering.
    Good luck

    Blair


  • LivingDeath-Mia
    October 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    hmm this looks like it'll be interesting as it goes on!! I think if you entered the next chapter it would've been scarier. Because this one has the hook but not the.. scary part, the part I was looking for. You could enter the next part though. Good luck!

  • Melli
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    first of all, when you say I know, a very long chapter, Are you being sarcastic? Because its really realy really short. Just wondering. Its not one of my better pieces in my contest. I'm sorry. but i didn't hold my attention. I think you have an okay idea/story line but its work. Nothing flows... But thanks for entering.

    KEEPWRITING!!!

    -Melli<33

  • Oblivion Kitty God
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have a few errors in punctuation - mostly apostrophes - here and there. But they don't really distract too much form the story.

    I'm not sure if you meant to write like this, but the tone of the story is panicked and frantic. Which, I suppose does make sense considering the content.

    Still, it's a bit difficult for me to follow along. And it's even harder for me to become attached to anyone or anything. Without such attachments, this story is really just a bunch of words to me.

    That doesn't mean I don't like the story. I do. It's a very curious concept. I think everyone's had dreams like that - and I know I have for certain.

    It looks like you've got a good storyline going. Though I think you need to work on clear, concise writing. The grammar is slightly fractured, but that is easily remedied. And the whole story seems to move a little too fast.

    Still, it kept my interest. Good job and keep writing! Oh, and 1,000 words isn't long at all.


  • Toxic Paradox
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well done, a few issues though: there are a few typos and silly errors (by silly, I mean slip-ups, not that you're silly) but I'm sure they can be cleaned up with a little editing.

    I think the situation's very interesting, and I can see the imagery of the lava, so thank you for entering my contest... but you haven't followed one of my fundamental rules - which other story have you read/commented on from the contest?

  • Valkyrie
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It's a good start. Nothing I'd call scary at this point yet though.
    Also, the minimum word count for my contest is 5000 words, so if you have more written that brings your word count that high, please let me know, otherwise I'll have to DQ your entry for being too short. I'll give you a day to let me know though.


  • Mel-the-Believer
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was really interesting. Is it based off the melon heads story? I'm just curious, since I didn't see any specifics to place which tale you used from the list. Thanks for entering. Good luck. God Bless!

1 - 12 of 12