Save me - 3

I watched Cassie leave after about two hours of talking about her. I found out that Cassie although she seemed happy, had been unhappy her whole entire life because of keeping such a secret. She was a rather good actress, and she knew that most of the girls she associated with didn't really care. She only associated with them, because she knew that they wouldn't dig too closely into her life. She planned on going to a college far away from her parents so she could finally find the woman of her dreams. In fact she only wanted to go to college to get away.1

She planned on becoming a Lawyer, just so then after that she could start working for a firm. She didn't want to tell her parents until she had found herself a girl she knew that would be with her for life. Which to me seemed rather reasonable, although my parents already knew about my homosexual tendencies. In fact my mother was more open to it than anything else. My mother in fact encouraged me to be myself, which was one thing that I could take from her. Even if she didn't take her own advice.2

I laid in bed starring up at the glittering ceiling pondering just the events of the day. What really confused me is how I went from planning on getting out of school early and losing contact with everyone, to wanting to save Cassie. She didn't want to really experience anything with a girl until she was out from under the thumb of her parents and even then not tell them for years. It seemed to me, that just wouldn't work out.3

The lesbian community, for the most part was filled with women that were not only strong but straight forward. Most of the lesbians I had ever dated insisted after the relationship had gotten to a certain point it was time to show it off to the world. That one reason was why I had only gone public with one girl, and her name had been Madison. I believe that was my first love, but it ended with her saying that she couldn't date me knowing she could lose me to the opposite sex. Which had hurt my feelings and caused me to really hate people.4

Madison had been a part of my life for two years before anything of that nature happened. Which brought me back to the problem with Cassie. She wasn't new to her own acceptance of homosexuality, it was that she had never dated her preference before. This bothered me, because going into college and trying to find a date was a little more tricky. She didn't have the necessary skill and would probably end up with marrying a guy anyways. Yet, the only person I knew that could date her and show her the ropes was me. 5

The only other problems I saw with dating Ms. Cassie Woodlynn is the privacy of the matter. I could keep the secret, I could act like we were just friends yet even I would get jealous of someone getting attention. I wouldn't be able to hang out with her friends, because I couldn't stand them and of course I would have to take her out of town for a date.6

I rubbed my hands over my face, why did I care so much?! All she did was kiss me, tell me she liked me, and admitted to liking the same sex. What did it matter to me? The answer was simple though, it was because Cassie was attractive and it bothered me to see someone hide who they are. I didn't hide anything about myself, but I also didn't volunteer information. I knew that in time, I would want to hold hands in public with her despite her feelings of her parents finding out.7

Why was I even considering dating her? We didn't even really talk until today, when a teacher put us together in an assignment. I sighed, and closed my eyes trying to close out my own thoughts. I shouldn't think about anything but trying to get through this year.8

I was walking down a hallway that seemed rather empty for our school. Cassie stood in the center, tears running down her face. I reached out wiping her tears away. 9

"What's wrong?"10

She leaned into me, her whole body shaking.11

"They know about us Bekah. Everyone does and now it seems that I will be hated!"12

I wrapped my arms around her. Voices seemed to team on either side of us, saying things that only she could hear.13

"Don't you hear them Bekah?! They're calling us Dykes!"14

I looked around and saw no one there, only hearing whispers.15

"Cassie, I don't hear anything or see anyone but you."16

She smiled although bitterly.17

"I can't be with you and stand what they are telling me."18

My heart hurt for some strange reason and I felt as if I was going to cry.19

"Cassie, we aren't even dating..."20

She looked puzzled.21

"Yes we are, we have been for six months."22

I shook my head.23

"No we haven't."24

Cassie opened up her mouth and I tried to listen to what she was saying but all it seemed to be was some strange annoying buzzing noise. Which caused me to really open my eyes. I was rolled up in my blankets and about to fall off my bed. I managed to unroll myself enough to turn off my alarm. It was a Saturday and I was getting woken up at six am. 25

Despite being woken up, I looked up at the ceiling as the sunlight played in through the window and knew that I couldn't go back to sleep. My heart still felt like it was going to break and I couldn't bring myself to smile. This was getting to be too much for even me. I didn't obsess about anyone and even when I did it wasn't until after dating. Cassie wasn't supposed to be anything to me.26

I heard someone knocking at my door, I blinked not really wanting anyone to come in. Yet, I was sure it was my mother, she was the only one that knew when I was really awake. 27

"Come in."28

The door opened and of course it was my mother.29

"Bekah, we need to talk about yesterday..."30

My mom had bright blue eyes that were like jagged glass when you stared at the iris. In them I saw a lot of frustration rather than the anger, I thought I would of saw.31

"Look mom. I told someone yesterday in plain tones that I didn't want to be around people. I only wanted to come home and do my homework. Yet, you wanted to take and make a show out of everything. Why can't you just be yourself?"32

She fiddled with her mass of black locks that she had been trying to straighten in vain. My mom had natural wavy hair and it would always be so. 33

"Can't you just let me enjoy making a show? It's what I do best Bekah and it's not as if I'm doing any harm."34

I ran my fingers over my hair.35

"Okay look, you can pull what ever show you want. That doesn't mean I have to be a part of it. I've got a lot of things on my mind right now."36

Her eye brows raised.37

"Such as?"38

I wanted my mom to get mad, or feel uncomfortable.39

"I am deciding whether I should date this girl that likes me or not."40

I watched as her eyes grew wide.41

"Bekah, you said that you weren't going to do that again."42

I shook my head.43

"No mom, you said that I shouldn't do that again. Why can't you accept that I like girls and guys?"44

"Because it's not something I am comfortable with."45

I shrugged.46

"Well, that isn't my problem and I told you when I finally came clean about dating women that I might not end up married with children. If this girl that likes me, makes me happy then you should be happy for me."47

She sighed for a good long while, before reaching over and grasping her hands.48

"Honey, I have to be perfectly honest with you. Before I met your father I dated girls too."49

I felt rather surprised.50

"I did find a girl that made me really happy, but your grandparents wouldn't accept us. Even though I assured them that I would give them grandchildren and still remain successful, it didn't matter to them. I was a woman with a woman and they couldn't see past it. So, despite how long I fought to keep her, in the end she couldn't accept not being accepted and left me. I guess I am just trying to prepare you for what could happen."51

I thought for a long moment.52

"Mom, could you and dad accept me?"53

She nodded.54

"Then I think that you aren't my problem and I think that if you hadn't cared so much she would probably still be with you."55

For the first time in my life, my mom seemed shocked.56

"I believe you're right honey, but then you wouldn't exist."57

I smiled for a moment.58

"Does dad know?"59

She thought for a moment, then nodded. 60

"Your Dad was the one that introduced me to her, and well when she left he was there. The relationship between us deepened and well...you see where that went."61

I nodded once more.62

"You know Mom, if you would take more time to talk to me rather than annoying me. I think we would come to understand each other."63

She brushed her fingers through my hair, like she did when I was just a small child.64

"Honey, I think we understand each other more than you think."65