Breakable

Her hair was shimmering in the daylight. A shine to none compare. Loose curls covering only half of the tempting face. Tempting in a way of me wanting to just tilt her head up and kiss her half-closed eyelids. Although if I did, she’d most likely wake up from her dreaming state. She looked more content this way.1

Looking so peaceful. Cloud-eyed and beautiful, her cute button nose and blood red, soft lips. So full of life, even when asleep. Although that only made me realize something very hidden, that I’ve never really noticed before. 2

3

She’s breakable.

Author notes

This is the very first time I've written a story from a male's point of view, so comments would help me a lot.
I made sure to use less than 100 words, and if this isn't what you were looking for than msg me and I'll change it.
Thnx for the contest!
~LoneWriter

In a list

A contest entry

Was this believable, did the beginning sentence catch your eye?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • colormeimpressed
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ooh...I like it, It's sorta vampire-y. Awesome.


  • moonwriter
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very, very good. I love the sweet tone and lovely descriptions. You're very talented. Great jbo and keep writing!


    • LoneWriter
      November 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou for the wonderful contest!
      It felt a little weird writing this I admit, but if people liked it, then I'm glad!

      ~LoneWriter


  • Firestar-
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like!


  • LadyDeMarco
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is great! I was browsing your page, and I thought you were older, saw your age, and had to read something. You're talented... very talented. Wonderful write!


  • waterfalltiger
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    girl you rock!!!! i love that. ive never actually thought about doing it from a guys point of veiw, but i could have believed you were a guy. wow.


  • SaccharineMini
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Greatness! Loved it alot. Your males point of view is very good. Especially since it is your first story like it. The picture is cute too.
    -Renesme-


  • Pretty.In.Black.
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nope,not at all

  • Pretty.In.Black.
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was good

1 - 10 of 10