My Sweet Vengence

My heart has been wrenched from its place beneath my skin and torn into a thousand pieces for mortals. There are fewer stars in the sky than times I have helped my people. I have saved them, protected them, even fought and died for them, brutally and inhumanly. However, in spite of my assistance, I often wonder, among the presence of my timeless hour, why I did all these things. For what I got in return for my supplication, was none other than hate, rejection, and Death’s obstinate grip.1

I had been hated since I came into power as the king’s wife. I took control at times and the people did not love what I spoke of. My ideas were simple: that we, as humans took our military to Mount Olympia and battle against the gods. We could be greater than them, as we were many and they were few. Somehow, we might overtake them and control the universe. But my proclamation did not please the people and they demanded my death at once. However, my faithful husband would not hear of it, even though he agreed not with my ideas.2

Because of my unfaithfulness, Almighty Zeus, God of Thunder, launched a bolt of lightning upon me. My father, Cronos, the God of Time, had pleaded with Zeus but his ears were immune to this request. His power struck me greatly, and I cried out in pain, but no one came to my shrieking aid. However, as I was a favorite of Clotho and Lacheses- of the Fates- they did not let their sister, Atropos bring out her scissors and so I survived, though I received a deep scar that has been with me since then.3

Several years later, as I grew older, I had become bored of life. Blasé, I was, because of the many places I had been with my family and the beauties my eyes feasted on. I wanted more, something a woman had never done before. I longed for a position in this world, one that was impossible to achieve. Many days of sitting in my room, kneeling at my bedside and praying to the gods that I had once longed to conquer, a single thought crossed my mind. I caught it, examined it, and put it in a mental jar to tell my husband the next day.4

In the morning, I called for him. “Husband!” I said to the man who owned me. “I have something to tell you.”5

He turned towards me, a blank stare visible on his gentle but sturdy face. “Yes, woman? Tell what it is you need to reveal.”6

And I explained, in brief, my plan to dress as a man and join the war. At this monstrosity he exclaimed, “How dare you defy your place in this world, your position, your class? You have no right, in the least, to do such a thing! Be gone with you, woman, before you are punished for your terrible tongue!”7

Startled, I ran from him and hibernated to my room that I had stayed in for the last few days. I wept, for I knew then that it truly was preposterous for a woman to resist her lower class.8

The day after, I went into the village with a servant for fresh air. All around me, the talking buzzed with anger and excitement. The people stood in clumps, all pointing and staring at me, mysteriously quieting down when I passed them. Even the merchants stopped chanting their advertisement to talk to their customers about, what appeared to be, me. I started to feel nervous as their penetrating glares pressed into me. I turned to my servant and asked, “Why are they looking at me? I am no more than a rich man’s wife. What is there to talk about in my life?”9

But my companion said nothing, and we walked on surrounded by a silent shield in a loud and demanding, economic world.10

When I arrived at my home once again, my husband was to be found outside by the garden, on the bench of thought. I went to him in haste, and asked what was wrong. We only sat in the bench of thought if Eris had rained discord upon ourselves. The idea that this was about our argument last night ran through my head and I hurried over to confirm this thought. It was, indeed, about our argument, but also about the many conversations concerning me today in the village.11

My husband had told his servant about my idea and sent him to proclaim it to the whole city. He now sat deep in regret because of the bad idea to tell the public that his wife was not sane. I myself felt terrified. The people now had a logical reason to destroy me; they had been looking for one since I expressed my thoughts on battling the gods. As my husband sobbed in his stupidity, he told me what the public demanded. It was that I should go to battle as I wished, but I would be put in the front lines without any training, so that they would get their demand in killing me.12

And though I should have been overjoyed in getting what I had longed for, I felt petrified. I pleaded with the man who owned me not to let me go, for him to resist the people and banish those who cursed me. But he would not hear it. He took me by that hand and kissed me as he tied my wrists together, shedding tears all the while. We wept all the way to the city, where he handed me over the military general to take to war. He turned his back on me, and he rebuked me. I cried out over the noise of the soldiers to my beloved one, but to no prevail.13

I was roughly pushed through the line of men and onto a horse. We loaded one of the many multitudes of ships and were off. My armor was no more than a penetrable iron breastplate and arm and leg plates; my sword, a short, metal blade. I had little experience in the art of war, as I was a woman, and I was surely doomed to die. In my final hours of peace, I beseeched the goddess, Athena, to protect me from battle and to fight by my side. I also gave a mental offering to the Fates, so that they may not sever my thread during the battle.14

Months later, I was slashing my sword here and there, the only woman for miles. I fought with passion and exhilaration. Athena and my momentum were the only things that kept me from giving up all hope. And though I was not the greatest warrior in the battle, I murdered many brilliant men that we fought against, taking them by surprise. I was quick and cunning, faster and smarter than any of the men at all. Athena suppressed me with a dark cloak of the night as I sliced through flesh and bone of both my comrades and my enemies. I was avenging myself for all the hate my people had bestowed upon me. I deserved to be treated like any other mortal being, but this fact had been hidden from their eyes for too long. I would be the end of this war, destroying both sides of it. If I came out alive or dead, I knew not, but only that it would be a proud death even if the price was that I stayed with Hades for eternity.15

But as these plans raced through my head, a sharp pain through my skin suddenly became known and I stumbled. Turning my head slowly, I saw the most devastating thing my heart could conceive. My dear son, Proditor, the Betrayer-because his father left me when he was young- stood smiling, the hilt of his sword driven into my back.16

“Mother,” he said, “these are my final words for you. There has never been a moment in my life where I wanted to be your son. Every day has been a nightmare, for you are infamous for your absurd ideas and outlandish thoughts. I had always wanted you to drop dead in your hated breath so I could enjoy my life from then on. And now, my wish has finally been fulfilled. But because of my terrible deed, the gods will punish me severely -for you are favored by them- and so I want to say goodbye. I am leaving this world in the same way you will: a sword to the heart. I am not sorry for what I have done, mother. I do not love you and I never have.”17

And Proditor’s sword dropped and he fell upon it, sucking the last of his breath out of his mortal lungs. My heart was grieving for my beloved son. I knew now the truth that he had concealed from me all his life and I was broken. My life was ending and that last single breath was the most painful and yet desired I had ever taken. I longed to be at home with my husband, sitting on our bench of thought together, working out the discord that had swung me into this battle and at the same time, I wanted to be dead and gone forever.18

The pain and torture my wound gave me came not from the stinging blade. It erupted in my heart these last moments. And I saw what the stories told me I would: my life flashing before my eyes. All was lost. This life was too short, and yet too complex for a mere mortal’s mind. There was one thing, now, that I longed to have. It was not my husband and it was not a life surrounded by people who adored me. It was immortality. I wanted to destroy the people who had done this to me. And I sobbed internally for my lost son. I wished now that I could roam the earth as a monstrous goddess: the goddess of destruction.19

Finally I sucked in one more breath, closed my eyes and released all tension or pain. I felt myself slipping away, drifting into Hades’ land of the dead.20

At this time of the battle, Clotho and Lacheses of the Fates saw the queen, Kali, dying. As their favorite, they pleaded with their sister, Atropos to spare her life a second time, as she had done many years ago. But Atropos replied, “Why should I save this mortal? She has been nothing but a worthless babbler who was hated by the people of this city. There is no specific point to her living. The men will only tie her up and burn her slowly. Why not choose a more sensible death, a quick one?”21

But Clotho and Lacheses were persistent and firm in their choice. They stole Atropos’ scissors and refused to give them back unless she promised not to sever Kali’s thread of life. Atropos declined this offer. She thought it was the queen’s true time and there must be something done about it.22

My breathing came in sputters. I lay in the middle of the raging battle, clinging to life like a leech. If only the gods would hear my silent plea now to become immortal…23

The three Fates pulled the string in all directions, fighting for their say in the matter. Soon they tumbled out of their tower of life and out of time itself…24

I felt as if there was something wrong for I was suddenly not aware of anything around me. The war cries had ceased entirely and I had a sense of neither time nor direction…25

Finally, Atropos won the argument, grabbing both scissors and string. “Aha,” she proclaimed, “the string of Kali! Her death is near, my sisters, and there is nothing you can do about it!” And at that moment, she clipped the string and all life of Kali wasted away…26

I awoke to no sound, no wind, and no feeling in my bones, yet I was surrounded by beautiful figures. So beautiful, in fact, that they could be none other than gods. Their flawless faces peered down on me as if I were their newborn daughter. A gentle hand reached out to touch my face and I looked over to feast my eyes on whom it was. My dear father, Cronos sat stroking my cheek with such satisfaction reflected in his expression that I knew something was very different. I was encircled by gods, Cronos, the God of Time, was sitting in his original form next to me, and I had not heard a single cry of battle since I awoke.27

I tried to sit up, but what appeared to be Aphrodite, held me down. “Rest, child,” she spoke, weaving the words on her tongue as beautiful as she was, “for you have had a long day, but not to worry. You shan’t have any more experiences with time.”28

“What do you mean?” I replied, surprised at the wondrous way my own faultless voice sounded.29

My father, Cronos spoke to me, now. “You have taken over your true place in the immortal world. You are outside of time’s boundaries. The Fates had pushed your death there, intending to send you to Hades. However, they failed to complete this task, therefore creating a new goddess. Welcome, Kali the Goddess of Time and Destruction.”30

My heart, if I had one, was overjoyed at this new piece of knowledge. I had unlimited power and days. I was to be whatever I wanted for the rest of eternity. And the first thing my heart told me to do was use my power in a way no one had before.31

I set out to destroy all mortals, men and women and children, as well. They all deserved to be punished for their ruthless deeds against my mortal self. Even my own son, down in Hades’ dark land would suffer because of his murder against me. Not a soul on earth would laugh while I was in power. There would be no love or desire in the fate I gave someone. And no one would overcome the wrath I rained down upon them. This was my immortal gift and I intended to use it for- what I believed to be- the greater good.32