Stop A Bullet - Chapter Seventeen

Stop A Bullet1

Chapter Seventeen2

I stepped inside the hallway. The fly screen snapping shut behind me quickly, loudly: disturbing the already tampered with vibes that filled the house with the rich aroma of resentment.3

Ashley held my hand close against his sweat, smitten, body. His fingers tangled in mine, drenched in horror as he finally grasped the reality of the world in which I lived in.4

I side stepped beside him, tucking his hand in my pocket. He was safety, reassurance and faith. Ashley would provide my faith.5

He could not lie to me now. He would not lie to me now. I could feel it, the ease, the gravity of his support. I would be alright. I would be just fine: even if only for a short time. The short time in which Ashley would promise his presence. He would be here, just like he had promised. He was not going anywhere and I had to believe that it was true.6

The first thing I noticed was the curtains. They no longer lat tattered and torn on the carpet and close by, where my my mother had lay sleeping: the couch was vacant, all but a few cushions that were scattered across the couch. Making the room look even more uncomfortable then when he family was situated in the lounge room.7

“Do you want to go to your bedroom?” Ashley asked, beckoning me towards my bedroom. His eyes flashing, darting lights, signaling us to progress forward. To continue and push forward: to not draw attention to ourselves or to the fact that we were here and had arrived home, finally.8

I nodded, veering myself away from the lounge room. My body temperature rising as my cheeks flushed a burning, violent, red. 9

The memories cruelly stepping stone-by-stone through my mind. Echoing my weakness. Whispering in my ear: my conscience awake and fully blooming, blossoming, igniting the recurring fear embedded in me.10

The Terror, I could not escape. The footsteps, my footsteps crunching in the dirt as my heart thumped loudly in my ears. A deafening reminder of my shortcomings: who I really was and who I needed to escape.11

I could escape this. I could escape me. 12

All I needed was faith. 13

But did I have enough faith in me to survive?14

I could barely breath. My heavy breathes constraint, struggling as I stepped slowly past the lounge room door, tiptoeing my way through the house like a mouse petrified of the monster that lay hidden, hunched and crawling in the shadows ready to pounce.15

“Just breath Taint, breath,” Ashley hisses, a whisper of warning and patience.16

“We're almost there.”17

He made it sound like a journey, a treasured discovery, a challenge dangling in anticipation, dipped with the strength and pressure we succumbed to in an attempt to make it to my room unharmed. It was a thrill, a great achievement. 18

Surely I could not fail this one simple task in advancement for my safety. Surely I could make it inside the haven of my sanctuary walls: Surely.19

“Taint baby is that you,” Tanya shrilled from the kitchen. Her footsteps padding across the lounge room carpet to where Ashley and I stood frozen on the spot, hands intertwined, his hand in my pocket.20

The two of us breathless, speechless, our bodies trembling. A shattered mess of vile and fear induced sweat.21

“Taint, I heard you come in the front...” Tanya stammered. Her breathing slow, her eyebrows burrowed in curiosity. Her head soon following the same pathway of the questions I could see exploding in her mind, creating all sorts of drama to educate herself on the situation that lay ready to to unfold and be explained.22

Tanya's eyes fixated solely on our hands, that remained still, unbudging and unmoving as the two of us situated ourselves so that our eyes were locked with my mothers. Nervous smiles sweeping across our fearful faces.23

“It's not what it looks like” Ashley jumped in, dipping his fingers further into my pocket. His anxiety furious. His nails pinching my wet, sweaty, flesh. Urging me forward. Urging me to back up his statement.24

I frowned my eyes scanning my mothers reaction. 25

She was not unnerved by Ashley's statement, but more so amused, humored and appreciative that someone had the courage to break the silence. 26

Though I was not going to lie to her. I had, had enough of the lies, the mistrust, the assumptions and the badgering.27

I had no choice but to come clean. For if I was going to die today, I wanted to die with dignity and purity. Without one single lie resting on my soul and without one secret untold.28

I could do this, I had to do this.29

How hard could it be?30

“Mum this is Ashley. Ashley this is my mother, Tanya. Mum Ashley is my...”31

“Who's this?” Trey boomed, sauntering into the hallway. A glass already in his hand while he stood still beside my mother. Mixing the contents of his poisoned liquid with his gritty fingertips.32

“Let me guess,” he slurred. “Is this boyfriend? Are You a fag now Taint?A fairy, an ass probing molester? You disgust me. I thought you had more sense, more talent. Well you washed that idea right down the drain last night and you return to pay your punishment with this trash.”33

I immediately felt the slick, sickening feeling of shame penetrating my every vein, nerve and muscles, my stomach flipping in knots. I felt shame, ashamed for what Ashley would have to endure in the presence of the buffoon. 34

“Trey,”Tanya snapped. Taking back her respect one word at a time in my defense.35

Tanya surprised me. How could she be so strong, so ruthless and unmoved one minute and the next be as weak as Trey made her to be? 36

She confused me, left me bewildered and unable to fathom her true motivations: but I was appreciative foe her stand and I would thank her properly, later, in due time.37

“Don't you test me bitch,” Trey snapped. His voice bitter, rough and edgy. 38

His stomach growled in rhythm with his words, causing him to lurch forward: clutching his chest tightly.39

I prayed: a miracle.40

I hoped the alcohol had done this to him. I hoped it would poison him or that karma was ready to lend her helping hand in the fight against his angst and belittlement.41

“Tanya... get me a bucket. I'm gonna be sick,” Trey groaned mournfully, shuffling backwards towards the hallway wall. 42

“His name is Ashley,” I spoke amidst the confrontation and calamity. “He is my best friend, he is also my boyfriend.”43

Trey staggered. His body hunched, scraping, down the wall. He had not heard a single word I had said. 44

It was Karma. It was fate. It was faith. Ashley had been right. I had just to trust everything would be okay: To let go and let God.45

“Taint could you take Ashley to your room? I will come in later and bring you both something to eat,” Tanya asked holding a bright green bucket against Trey's groaning chest, probing him to heave out the toxins that flurried like parasites beneath the skin. 46

I did not move. I just stared. My eyes wide open in wonderment. The profound glory of my deepest prayers and wishes being coming true: being answered. 47

Had this been my reward? Could this be my define justice for my attempt failed or not, to better my family and myself from the monstrosity and overbearing power of Trey. 48

Was this the beginning of a revolution? Something to look forward to? Something to shine all my hopes that maybe Trey had drank himself to death?49

That my clarity was enveloping his bad deeds? The clarity that I needed to survive and press onto a better life? 50

Could we finally be free to live the life I was certain my father intended for us to live when he was taken away from us: behind the same iron bars that Trey belonged and deserved to be behind.51

I nodded, this time hearing her words. 52

The faint sound of the back door opening and Maggie's sweet, haunting, voice, drifting through the house: chilling rhymes of our childhood escaping her lungs, loud and daring. 53

Was this the beginning of the end? Or the end of the beginning? Did faith have something lurking in the darkness, awaiting the right moment to strike, destined to throw me completely of course: leaving me to my final destination?54

These were the questions I could not answer. Not even if I tried. Though I knew that one thing was certain.55

I now had faith and faith now had me.