Shattered

'My biggest mistake was ever knowing you.'1

I kept rewinding it in my head. The words felt like ice being pushed on the back of my neck, then something sharp twisting at my heart, until it tore to peices. Scraps shoved aside as if nothing mattered. As if I'd never said those words.2

I hadn't even known him for that long, five months at the least. A poor country boy, face of an angel, and on a path to his wildest dreams. As I thought about this, I retorted my anger into cleaning the kitchen. Even if it was the last place I wanted to be.3

He always carried a guitar pick in his pocket, and a warm, friendly smile always waiting to be shown. Like a light in the darkest part in the forest. A hope of light, and I'd treated it as if I was oblivious to everything inbetween us.4

As if his kindness wasn't good enough.5

As if I didn't wake up every morning only to look through my bedroom window, and see what shirt he wore today.6

Or if he'd come over sometime, and teach me some more notes on the acoustic, which I still can't believe he'd given to me. 7

I turned on the faucet and drenched the sponge in soap. Taking a plate from dinner earlier, when I had told him, and started to shed my anger. I didn't feel like stopping the hot water from burning my skin, it only helped me take my mind off of Alex a little easier.8

I would have never done that, would have never in my life time let his heart, and mine too, suffer from those complicated words. Until I saw that the more I fell in love with him, the more I only got in his way.9

The more I spent time with him, the more I took away from his dream.10

He has the potential to make it big. I have the potential to be a distraction. Somehow I can't see these two things intertwining. Yet again, then I have a feeling that I didn't have to do that. Didn't have to cause so much distress and put my sanity on the line.11

The slow circles that had once sanded down the plate, now came to a slow hault. Wet tears exposing myself to the cold darkness I've been trying to procrastinate all day.12

I was crazy in love with him, and I'm sure he felt the same about me, before I broke his heart.13

I should have never come here to Arkansas. Should have never thought of taking a break from my city life, and fall in love with a boy completely opposite of my personality. 14


At my last thought I dropped the plate. Letting it shatter into peices around my feet.15


I should have never stayed long enough... to see him pull out a ring.

Author notes

"Rabid Squirrels ate the Bunny"...LoneWriter
Melissa and Alex are the names of the main characters in this story. Although I never said the name Melissa

pic: TL__Simon_and_Emy_by_Luna_Kitsune_Blu

I am not that big on depression and love when it comes to stories. Usually because almost 100% of the time I make it sound corny. Although I hope that out of the comments on this story I can gain more confidence in myself and help improve in the category of romance.

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Hellcat Metal
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow that was awesome! The last line was perfect, couldn't have fit more perfectly with what was going on. I completely understand why she would do this, though she wanted to be with him. She realized that his dreams were something he should chase. Yet, if he truly loved her so much to propose to her, then he is showing that she is more important than his dreams, which is indeed love. Very nicely written and a very interesting read! I would love to know what happens with these two. Thanks for entering.


  • Shimmerfairy
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awww this is really sweet...and sad all mixed into one! Bitter-sweet you could say! Defently deserved that gold trophy!


  • KitterBean
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I found the beginning ot be much more effective than the beginning. I didn't really feel drawn in, but that could be my own personal tastes. Great write regardless...adn best of luck in all the contests!


  • Neolittlefish
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    really punchy beginning and you kept me drawn in right until the end, i loved it! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest


  • RedHearts
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    good

    great write. really good. good luck in the contest.


  • miles of smiles
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You drew me in from the very first second, and kept me wrapped up in the words until the final line. Descriptions were amazing, the plot very good (albeit cliche, but this was way better than any other heartbreak story I've read), and I saw few grammar mistakes, other than...

    *"...then something sharp twisting at my heart, until it tore to peices."
    peices -> pieces
    *"A hope of light, and I'd treated it as if I was oblivious to everything inbetween us."
    inbetween-> in between

    I love all the talk about him "making it big"...I don't know why, but I just loved it. I would post my favorite lines but there's way too many to count. It was really, really good. If you don't win that contest I'm going to kick something. Very hard. In the face.

    Amazing story.

    -Sarah


  • TNTrouble
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was drawn in by your first sentence 'My biggest mistake was ever knowing you.' and quickly became engrossed. What lovely phrasing and description you use. A lovely piece.


  • Living.Disaster
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was pretty good.
    Good luck in my Contest

1 - 9 of 9