Deadly Eyes

Lovers meet and plan a date for later that night. Top of the building dinner for two, planned and ready to be carried out. It was their secret place since they were forbidden to love one another. She wore the dress he got her, pale blue like her eyes, her long black hair tied back with the ribbon they used for their handfasting. She wanted it to be just so.1

She is the first to show up, trying to make it all just right for when her love gets there. When, from above out of the dark, a figure lands next to her. With a smile, he shows her his sharp canines and her heart stops cold. Hypnotize by his eyes of piercing ice blue, she could not move to save her soul, let alone her own life. His black shirt and black pants, making his body flow with pure grace.2

Teeth slowly pierce the skin, sink down into life's veins of pulsing essence. Tasting the pure feeding of one in love. It gives him a buzz that rattles his very thoughts. Once he is done, he lays her body down gently upon the roof, slipping back into total darkness. Watching and waiting for her love to find her. His twisted mind at work with a cell phone in hand.3

The smile that was on the vampire's lips, as he sat there plotting the fall of the lover. Would send shivers of cold down anyones skin. For you could almost hear him as he plans to bring the lover down and give the police someone to pin all the deaths from around the town on. For what better way, then to have them find the killer with the blood on him and at the scene of the crime.4

When her lover shows up, in his black outfit he wore for the handfasting just to find her body. He is overwhelm with sadness that hits him sending him to his knees. Burying face into his love, his tears flow. Not one to hide his feelings, he screams out into the night cursing the vampire that took his lover. It is then that the vampire calls the police, claiming of a murder on the roof.5

Sirens sound as the lover just sits there. Police arrive and he is hauled away, killer he is called for this crime. He is booked for her blood was on his clothing, for he had held her close to his heart. Found guilty as none believed his tale of a vampire in town. 6

Each night he sits in his jail cell wondering how they all thought he was the one doing all the killing through out the town, and why did they think he would kill the one he was to marry soon. It did not make sense to him, but none of this did. All he knew was his love was dead and they found him guilty.7

After a week in jail, guards find, that the lover is dead in his cell. The vampire with the deadly ice blue eyes had struck again. But the lover welcome death, for he did not want to live, without the only one he loved. They could not find any signs as to how the prisoner died, for the vampire was not picked up on the camera, nor did any of the guards see him. For who could find him if he did not want to be seen.8

So, all I can tell you readers is if a man walks towards you dressed all in black with hypnotic icy blue eyes, turn and run for your life, and pray he does not know where to find you.

Author notes

1: Vampire Story or Chapter

Min: 500 words. Max: 3,000 words.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Friesian
    November 11, 2008

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    oooooH!

    Awesome!!! Now I'm scared! *hides* The descriptions are very good! I liked the 'voice' of the story!


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    October 24, 2008

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    Hi again.

    I didn't see much to correct here. Some of the present tense verbs I felt might work better in the past tense.

    You tend to tell your story rather than showing it through action and dialogue. I feel it could be a bit more exciting.

    I like the plot, but I wondered about the other victims the vampire had killed. There was not much information about them.


    It's a good story.

    Andy


  • TNTrouble
    October 10, 2008

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    Good luck in the contest. Not really into vampire stories a great deal Myself but if well written I can enjoy them...and I do like how you write.


  • Reaver Greeters member
    October 9, 2008

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    This was really great and i love the picture! Great job! And best of luck to you in the contest! Did well