(See Text) An Experimental Fiction

1

An Absolutely Impersonal Discourse on the Burden of Stardom2

or3

The Path Out4

An Experimental Work of Fiction5

in introduction,6

After days spent in this endless rain,7

of nights in shallow dream8

of clever thoughts9

expressed but neverwrought.10

of love then, simpleton11

although it matters not12

within her scheme of things13

After days spent walking in this endless rain14

beating on my brow15

and the rain becomes16

these words that limp like leaden chains17

tasted on the scales18

and are found to be cold and hard.19

and the rain continues on and on,20

and please do not be amused21

that I should love22

that I should fail in my resolve,23

and imagine.24

Since there is no alternative we will begin with lies and descend from there.25

I am the white tower and the gray\\i am the constant thief\\i am the dead poet speaking from the grave\\the throaty sound you do not want to hear\\i am the constant pain that you do not wish to bear\\the tear you cannot shed\\i am omega but i am not the end.26

Will she explode or simply fade with the shadow as the sun fades\\she knew not twas her own as with no stain she faded like a cloud that had outwept its rain\\and maybe never known\\words are dead possessions rarely calculated and only dimly understood inadequate to her needs\\does your hair paints your fingers and your toes paints your face tells you the time mom friend confidant director producer agent publicity security husband boyfriend photographer secretary assistant\\sadness nothing more\\selection seduction\\painful\ an empty place\\who am i that i should compare myself with the masses in your dream\\all the candles in the darkness burning just for you\\a voice that fills my head the only thing left alive in me\\and we would both pay a terrible price for our devotion\\for our piety\\attention to this melody\\to this trap\\I you me they he she\\has put us in\\i have nothing much to do except turn the hurdy gurdy round\\and if i am not careful the dead words will all leak out\\I you me they he\\the dreadful words leak out\\arthurs knights hanging in the trees at the end of their holy quest as morgana sits and weaves her long pale fingers singing on the strings\\rarely are we are just who we want be\\and sit upon the shelf and times the wasted thing they felt\\does your hair paints your fingers and your toes paints your face tells you the time mom friend confidant director producer agent publicity security husband boyfriend photographer secretary assistant this and that\\endless faces\\even the rain where simple walked the roads miles and miles dead cigarette hanging in my mouth hot sun on my back\\you never knew\\looking in on you\\and i am frightened of the stone canyons\\frowning\\though the rains\\looking at your stolen orchids\\as scream\\plead\\intrude\\interpret me\\i in me\\memory of recall\\black & white\\simple deadword shapes ejected\\escape seascape with you smiling and all the rocky shoals\\the actor discomforted by the spray and salt simple shoals after all\\after all this time after all write no more then the words leak out\\reflected back at me from the solace of your palace\\as if  the dead words could walk in pleasantly\\as if money gave no respite were no solace for the pain\\plain dead words executing me\\random rot art\\arcadia thrice blest\\where venus strolled\\tempest upon a summers morn\\and artemis dueled with stag\\and helen read a scroll and wept\\where sits the holy grail\\escapes you\\if only you would see but you do not\\and no you will not\\and have they not\\he she me they\\have they not forbidden you\\are you not bound hand and foot \\are you not their mechanical doll\\wound up\\the heartshape chains and lack of time controlling you\\the filth all swept away\\antiseptic you rutting in the dark\\no face so what\\it does not matter anyway\\your eyes still chewing\\scheming escape but there is no alone\\dead words are an army marching down on you\\so soon too soon\\the ugliness descends\\the groping in the dark\\all the years compacted\\and like stein with beer in hand\\misshapen\\melting\\your incantation numb with repetition\\does your hair paints your fingers and your toes paints your face tells you the time mom friend confidant director producer agent publicity security husband boyfriend photographer secretary assistant\\spit out reflected back at me foul true source whence it came\\plain simple dead words exciting me\\rousing putrid flesh\\and the annoying stench will not depart\\as if it mattered in the white limousine\\biting your nails in the dark\\hating all of them & me reflecting you\\dead words\\filed away deep within the palace and quickly forgotten\\this anguish always unresolved\\warnings on the bridge and on the curve\\the faster you go the quicker you get there\\broken yellow lines\\dead words\\from dying voices\\scattered streets reflected in the dark windows\\short skirt revealing your soft thigh\\hard eyes smiling at the fools\\reflected back at you\\through hard windows\\always closed in the smoke\\impatience\\arrive\\hard dark empty words\\flung in their stupid face\\forces you down pins your arms grunts in your face\\does your hair paints your fingers and your toes paints your face tells you the time mom friend confidant director producer agent publicity security husband boyfriend photographer secretary assistant\\depart\\another hard dead empty but commercially viable fool on your arm\\no face what does it matter anyway\\soft thigh\\hard dead empty eyes\\if i were asked i would offer you some shades to hide this hate descending on you like a fog.27

and i was here inside the raw incantations though i did not mean to be\\ wracked by pain\\unfortunate\\callous by now at the blindness\\and knew\\though i had not seen\\and withdrew in error\\splitting dead words\\through\\a filter concerned by intention\\and wanting\\as if i were a warm worm blindly seeking\\saw but shallow\\like a pool left by a spring rain muddy upon the tarmac\\and twisted with unspeakable beauty like a drowsy child is laid asleep in flowers\\though i like stein with beer in hand\\exist\\melting misshapen\\in the landscape\\great and sweeping oil on the floor\\not hung\\but leaning canted towards the door\\and a reed dried and carefully preserved\\a ward protected by walls and illusion\\saw though I did not know\\and worshiped  like a waif at cowboy’s door desiring what sweet i did not know\\when her breasts pressed in all rainy\\ as if to push that good night away\\to be safer from that door\\and huddle nice and warm next to that distant whore\\that lying once again dismissed\\and treachery dragged me loose and betrayed me in Gethsemane\\sweet kiss\\and like joan i would not deny what i had seen\\and am left here as you see\\dragged into the dead words\\which will slide into the oil\\congeal\\and melt back in the caldron on the moor\\in mortal and divine\\in spirit or in dirt\\the pale white hand reaching forth\\taking the froth of the fountain\\all of it of little worth\\but repeated just the same again and again through the tomes of middle earth\\so let me go down gently\\let me be exposed\\as roman child\\and not loosed upon the world\\as if i never were\\or as shortly be\\ as if it did not matter\\that i was\\and poured back gently into that metal vase\\the witches cackling in the dark.28

begin at backward wards\\at the end of awkward rules\\working backward through the jungle\\slashing at the words\\go back go back go back\\again inception conception denial\\the clue within the verbs\\a piece of you hacked off\\everything forgot\\licentious\\closed the flapping skin\\the dead rabbit thrown softly upon the table\\the looking down\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade speaking to the cockatoo\\succor or denial\\the kitchen is the place for tubular disgrace\\a wanton incubation of exhibition or derision\\glass palaces created and destroyed\\and worms finally getting their desserts\\the soft perfumes\\the careful twist of fabric\\ sheer\\and lovely\\barely worn\\ all the places I have went\\obey obey obey\\ o boy no more\\and the i twisted you of sycamore and ragwood weed rolled you from the rug upon the floor and tainted you with creams and oils\\conjured everything\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\a tongue upon the door\\the ancient eyes upon the floor\\and hanging limply curtains contain retrain the narrow naked form alone within the war that created and destroyed\\imagine that most perfect form\\the piety of motherhood forlorn with steps across the ash strewn floor abject and alone while giants mourn\\and in libel labella lisa now leaning naked backwards on the door\\conjures playthings wet with odor\\rides tides\\eyes turn inward\\and rolls within the curves\\and conjured every thing one at a time in the rhythm of the rotting earth conjured with magic beads at the beginning ward lying across an icy stream at the top most place that could be found at the inception of the world\\begin again astride a rocking horse\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\whips the candles out with deft strokes\\stokes an ancient log within a dying fire\\within without\\conjured but nothing really scene\\in blatant stares\\amid the popping lights\\i could paint the rocking horse and chair without the rabid glare\\and snare the rabbit quietly just as well without the vacant stare\\as the bell rings within the roman colonnades\\superior interior as well\\reaching well beyond the stair\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\construction with foundations neatly laid\\the perfect red bull already bred and slain and laid upon the altar\\the stone knife already red\\ and the rabbit softly laying on the table still warm and caresses me with his hands that still smell grim of rabbits fur my oath to poe, i swear he told me so\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\of parasol and amour and candles lit and gleaming things leaning on his churchyard floor banging up against the ancient door since the beginning of the world\\or gross misshapen stein beer in hand beckoning for her touch\\and someone is above the sky watching children marching to megiddo looking down\\licentious lisa lying loosely\\it does not matter anymore who lives or dies as long as it done perfectly ad infinitum\\licentious lisa licking lucy just once more and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade bestride the rocking word since the beginning of the world\\and explosions rock the night trivial rules forgot as the children are blown apart\\the rabbit dead laid down softly upon the table\\nor have i forgot\\and opened wide and begin all over again\\the licking clock\\the eyelids fluttering in the dark\\the heart stuttering in the park\\the shutters closed against the storm\\the gauntlet and the glove\\the feather floating down\\the lady in the box above\\the scarf\\the crystal day\\the ticking clock\\the way it was\\the will be of his dreams\\and that is a long way off\\and twisted sent the whole thing off to bounce atop the trampoline\\with children golden fair\\and starts the new day off cause they told him jesus cared\\where is the hare in all of this\\as he stabs at the jagged theme running around old waldens pond at the beginning of the day\\and everyone is afraid of me because i will knock the  whole thing off\\and scream\\and lisa on the balustrade just turns and looks at me.29

the dark and lethal visions bandy up and kick me in the shins\\young william dancing stately on the lawn\\the threefold king\\the stately pleasure domes decreed\\the wide ships setting sail upon the sea\\the masses marching free\\and lisa on the balustrade just turns and looks at me\\the ticking clock\\the fluttering heart\\the explosions in the dark\\and all these things belong to me\\as i go rutting in the dark\\the children spread their wings and fly\\richard cory sits idly in the park\\if  lisa on the balustrade just turns and looks at me\\too late the whispers gutter out\\too late the song is played\\too late the whiskers trimmed\\too late for major art and all his minions to go dancing in the dark with lisa in the park or to taste the fresh baked bread\\and if the voice is spilling out\\if the day is proud\\ if the heart is dancing with william in the park\\if you are afraid when lisa on the balustrade just turns and looks at me or the lights all wink and then go out then you will know what i meant.30

aging children still in charge\\and no one knew the villains name till now\\and dylans writing still in a conclave by the bay in heavy sea and crashing froth\\and i knew i would come that way again\\as in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade turns and looks at me\\walking on the windswept cliff\\twisting the scarf in my rain soaked hand\\ thinking of the sand\\and i a ticking bomb am set like a child in a holy land just waiting for the masses to congeal\\and the birds outside my window twitter still\\just waiting on the deal when the cards are poured out on the table and read in fervent zeal\\thank you my love\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade just burns and looks at me\\and shallow runs the sea and all the childrens trinkets breaking down\\built in obsolescence all worn out.31

the rhythm of the world you see\\the rising and falling of the moon in stately harmony falls\\and the sun rises and turns round again in ancient silent grinds of rock upon another endless scene\\ and all of that of course means nothing much to me if only lisa would turn and look at me\\a stanchion upon an aged rock upright on the gray and dismal shore\\and conjure ceaselessly like mother sewing fitfully\\and all these dreams belong to me as i go sinking like a liner to the bottom of the sea\\and touch me not and touch me once again\\or torch me with an endless flame\\change me to another hue\\as the children gather in the park and I embrace the spark\\and why like finn again i see the words apart in separate sentence spent\\yet all in all repeated once again\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\and candled ladies with breasts hanging heavily\\ in low cut gowns beneath a crooked canopy turn round and look at me.32

and all those aging children ignored the shouting larks and built castles fair and strong against the coming dark\\and fairy tales and finn again and cory in the park\\and all of this too late for young william clark or whoever he might be that follows corys bark in the bleak wind upon this sunless sea the mangled tortured edges just too far to see in this cursed dark.33

and i am touching lisa in the dark above the borders of the world with discontent\\delicate\\rushing\\fear\\with all the able bodied men jumping overboard and i am fried and tied to the motherboard\\and everything can be changed again since nothing is static anymore on the soundtracks of the world\\seascapes\\where lovers meet\\and then of course\\the crashing water on the shore\\when lisa finally home walks away her fingers trailing in the dew laden flowers that grow without much regard to you or me upon the sandy edge of nothing much to say\\and all those aging children wept\\and went upon their merry way hand in hand as if it were just another day in jerusalem or spain\\and in times to come\\though time is short\\when aging children pass away\\and i a distant memory\\though I hoped to be\\ when lisa writes her memoirs about touches in the dark\\when faces blur in the rivers rushing to the sea and all these hard dark words have melted in the caldron of obscurity then blessed be those childrens eyes and i hope they open wide.34

and deeply through the cave we go the clacking water dripping wet and if you have come so far there is no going back\\bats collide in the darkness\\and monsters come alive\\and stein with beer in hand misshapen melting reaches out to you and rips you out inside\\so go back i do not want you here anyway\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\or not at all\\as you decide\\let dogs dice for your clothes at the ending of the world\\only slums are left to search after so many have raped and scavenged after dead words\\dark with black blood dripping clacking water dripping wet\\and lisa lusting after apples\\carrots all that they had left\\dead rabbit on the table\\yet the grand stones are all in place\\i tell you there is nothing left but broken statuettes\\and lisa leaning in the doorway her spirit naked on the stair\\exploration finds the things already there\\ portents\\the heavy magic in the air\\i am here\\here already\\ leaning on the stone stair\\possessions she forgot\\too late\\I am at the beginning of the world\\lisa leering nakedly at the mysterious preparations\\the portents heavy with her fear clacking against the chamber floor\\tangled heart released of names demented of\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\another word\\and rest bind me if you must\\hard dead words\\used lisa licking lucy\\or smashing caesars bust or cannons blinding in the dusk\\notes spent once in the universe and never heard again\\and the ever spinning carousel comes rounding once again\\bind me if you must i will simply rust\\again the nails driven though my bones around the ancient stones with lisa left alone in the sacred grove\\her white shift stained with aged blood.35

hand my crippled body down most carefully while I talk with him awhile, hang me in the heat while i decide if i believe\\if i am worthy of this healing or if i must leave.36

lisa leers seductively\\more names dropping from her ceiling\\smash against her impassive smile\\oh please hand me down most carefully and let me rest awhile\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\spread white and wide and wet\\the water clacking on my soul echoing in the endless chambers unexplored\\let me be laid most carefully and bind me if you must\\here in dylans tomb against this dead and august hare\\my hands tangled in your hair\\and finally let me be paid according to my due\\even as i abandon all these hard dead words lying naked on the table\\I was the sleeping beast\\the serpent on her stair\\the slur\\the broken mast\\the pain she must not bear\\those grievous thighs tainted with blood leaked out long before the beginning of the world\\this sword i took up an age ago\\deep within her lies\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade laughs loosely licking lucy just once more.37

End of Chapter one.38

I am certain of one thing but i am not  so certain that i am.39

i have been praised and maligned\\misaligned the stars wheeling into mysterious position\\the energies emerge confused\\and eons pass\\the wheel turns\\and once again a golden age\\into byzantium we would go to the bazaar and old the gold that lay about in rustic cart about the busied square\\or jerusalem\\she of loud argument and heated word the seed of our destruction\\as darkness marches from the dead sea just a little deeper every day\\or marbled rome\\she of mighty heroes\\who whored from dawn to dawn\\and deeply do we mourn\\break free\\like the powerful horse alone on a western plain the wind blowing through his mane\\already it begins to rain with greed\\another sin which leaves it to the matrix to unwind at the end of time\\just before we all go home\\o why beat the point around punt or make the hole\\desperate is as desperate does\\spins his cylinder often just to check his load\\and slips it all away until another day\\and goes off through the swinging doors.40

the walls are often breathing anymore.41

misaligned the stars wheeling into mysterious position the energies emerge confused and eons pass\\and in this pissing soup this unseen hand reached and stirred and found his perfect pearl upon which it all would stand or fall\\but we were on the plain with the desperado and the horse or just about\\and the storms came dotted all about the skies\\if you were standing on the bluff\\that is a long way round to come to the truth of the matter\\as a hobbit might say in different tune or manner\\and magic is as magic does\\which i should have said a long time ago\\misaligned the stars wheeling into mysterious position the energies emerge confused and eons pass\\and nothing much has changed or been imagined or will in eons yet to pass\\ i have no choice but to express his wish\\as i am already spit out\\loose change scattered upon the stage\\i told you about the cave\\if you are still here\\and I wonder if anyone understands the seeking of the forms\\and lisa lovely lisa the music flowing through\\sitting on the floor her face all smeared with chocolate running down her chin\\her eyes all opened wide and looking up at me\\and the water\\brackish water\\pooled upon the floor\\and time is not something i cannot face or ignore\\and rocks are leaning crazily\\the air is cold and stale\\all these places where i am and she is not\\conjured like a painting\\and i stand my back convulsed with pain with cup in hand\\the wet dark clay mud smeared upon my fingers\\the magic words repeated slowly\\in the torches smoky light\\I have no shades that describe her eyes\\a cloudless sky\\and i am left with stein beer in hand\\misshapen\\melting beneath my trembling hand\\and in libel labella lisa leaning on the balustrade\\and little men with glasses on their fevered brows\\with sharpened quill\\in cluttered rooms\\much like my own\\disown\\the clinging words\\heavy on condiments when above the chandelier and popcorn is forbidden in the balcony\\just so you know the rules\\anyway\\away the cowboy finds the horse and they get married like they do\\like us in the delta\\you baked bread\\ and painted\\ you died\\ the year that we were wed\\and i have not forgotten\\ anger warms a character in a book\\just as i began to learn\\and sour then the apple turns\\after all this effort\\tied to this rack\\the music that i seek must be somewhere after all\\misaligned the stars wheeling into mysterious position the energies emerge confused and eons pass\\o hopalong\\but it was not he who rode into that sunset long ago\\and let the matrix calculations go at the very winding up of things when dancing we would go aboard a giant ship from legend long ago\\and walter would have said before they put us all to bed with images of the dead\\but you have to learn you know\\shoot straight and tell the truth\\the cowboy said to the persian bowman and kicked his cranky ride\\really though i must conclude and retire from this wild slide.42

the days crowd around swift and dear dwindling like pieces of wood in the winter about the comforts and quiet fear of the fire\\each with his own portfolio\\each with his own speech\\and she of course\\would rather fly on dragons in colored wind like fragrant smokes way above the land and the diamonds fall like rain hang suspended in the sky and purple sun above this wheeling earth and facets catching her misaligned the stars wheeling into mysterious position the energies emerge confused and eons pass\\and witness here that all of this should come to pass at the breaking of the world\\and the fell beast emerges from the cave and slouching once more and weary towards the city goes\\with stein in hand and melting\\on he goes\\the metal of his toes clanking on the cobblestones\\and in his bloodstained hand the sacred scroll and the sweeping of the rolls.43

end of chapter two44

before her inner heart was bled fletched and shot away at the breaking of the world lisa\\was a word again etched within the bloody soil\\when children all began to rhyme again\\casting nets again\\learning where their hearts began and souls end\\with all those memories tumbled together including mine.45

this ancient orb knobbly and creaking with mistrust limps into oblivion\\my dust clinging to its vitals\\as all the stars go out in answer to his word\\your wasteland turns to lifeless desert\\ the cold dry wind gusting through your hair\\and lisa was a name you knew in harbors long ago\\when boys in long hats stood along the rail and smiled\\and ropes and knots and sails\\stood tall and strong along your western isle\\when merry went the childrens tales\\and women tall and true were just as good as you\\and i was a singing daffodil in a daring band of men\\and lisa was a name i knew from sailors bawdy tales\\the day i chanced upon your summer shoal\\for she was famous thereabout for her light tread and roundelay\\for sweet voice that echoed across the many glens\\and set the owls to wake\\as the sun burned through the day and the ocean glittered bright and blue\\and true\\i wandered through\\and inquired at shop and inn\\and left my notes on battered boards\\and drank\\and kissed the other girls\\but she was wild and free about the hills and but rarely ran to town\\as I waited with impatience for the rolling of the sea\\as love was just a game to me\\and the rolling thunders gentle down\\the tempests do recede\\and lisa was a name i knew when i was lonely on that gentle sea long past this present life when everything was simpler and just a joy to me\\rather than this awful scene of death and cruelty\\and the children passing\\and bartleby and others count them down like wine casks for the indies\\or humidors for country gentlemen\\issued from some warehouse by battered machines\\and tired and weary men\\as lisa was a name i knew when my eyes were closing in on sleep\\when all the empty promises were words i could not keep\\when weary through the glens i ran\\searching through the mists with ready questions on my lips\\and now battered by the storms and wars\\and weary of philosophy and dog\\when i no longer run down to the sea\\when i am old and cold\\and the children hurt my feelings some\\where the days are wound and split\\where ancient words close in on me\\with all of that\\lovely lisa whispers in my ear\\of sweet songs and tidy little cottages\\and changes every year\\with black soil\\and children at my ear\\and her voice just a step through the arbor\\where the roses intertwine and wink at you\\and morning glories and primrose\\and up along the winding path\\and through the open door.46

as lisa was\\though now the clamor is profound\\and i search frantically through that same philosophy\\emptying the cave of papyrus and scroll\\ the deerskin maps of treasures found at last\\but the shallow waters will not pass\\the sea will win at last\\and sweep it casually away\\leaving me a bit of mud that walks\\lovely lisa walking too\\sweet voice that echoed across the many glens\\and set the owls to wake as the sun burned through the day and the ocean glittered bright.47

End of third chapter48

this matters not at all to you this lie.49

old gandalf puffing on a pipe\\overlooking a wide valley\\at sunset in the summer\\before it all changed\\these different tales to spin\\these vagrancies with joyce\\and lisa just beyond\\this braying at the moon\\like the old hound\\these tales twice told\\and told again\\these tawdry lies\\and i\\mistakenly\\deliberately\\ran through the chicken coup\\with axe in hand\\enraged\\as at war with everything\\and still it sits not well with me\\little things\\like a creek that became much more to me\\a tiny little waterway in a mostly secret place\\a valley deep and narrow wild enough\\though just a step away\\at the time\\and i would have taken old gandalf there just to watch him puff awhile.50

old magic in the tree tops\\the limbs filled with birds\\the young artist reflecting himself in the tiny creek\\while the old man puffs some exotic blend from hobbiton\\hard eyes that care nothing for gentle things\\this desperate precipice upon which we stand\\poison is queen\\and no time left for old king log to sit idly in the mud\\greed is king\\and overturning everything\\and lovely lisa is arrayed in golden chains upon the balustrade\\as gandalf humphs\\and stands\\stamping out his pipe\\a pint at the prancing pony\\and an early meal\\but that is a forever from here\\but just a wink to him\\and young men strive and strive\\unwinding stubborn ribbons\\all tied up with racing very fast\\their tablets filled with formulas and creeds\\that perhaps they do not understand\\and where do they end and i begin\\the young artist reflecting himself in the tiny creek while the old man puffs some exotic blend from hobbiton.51

copyright lute 200352