Do What You Have to Do

.1

Where should we go tonight?2

I'm quiet for the whole ride, my hands softly in my lap.  You ask the question again, becoming impatient.  I'm not sure what to answer, and I am not sure of my voice.  I feel weak inside, and I feel ashamed. 3

I love you, you know that, right?4

My eyes are brimming with tears as I tell you this.  You wipe away the tumbling liquid, softly reassuring me in your embrace.  We are clutched together now, and I begin to shake.  The time has come to open the door, it's time for us to leave.5

I can't walk over the thresh hold, however.  It's a big metaphor, and I am not yet ready to face it.  You seem just as unwilling as I, but one of us has to go first.  You grab my hand as the car is turned around, and I am taken back to my own vehicle.  It looms in the distance, like the credits of your favorite movie.  You know they're coming, but you don't want them to.6

I lift my tear-stained cheeks to watch the rain outside.  It makes a lovely soundtrack for the romance movie we have lived for the past year and a half.  You click the radio off, and you turn to me. 7

We both quietly admit that it's over, we've got separate lives to live.  This never should have happened, and I wouldn't be this way if it hadn't.  We are both torn inside, shredded wads of soul is all we have.8

I don't know how to let you go.9

And it's true, I don't.  I love him, but I am in love with you.  I've spent forever not knowing what this is like, I don't want to let you go.10

Just promise me you'll try.11

I can't really promise you anything.  You know that, right?12

I do.13

Will I see you again?14

I don't think so.15

But...16

Promise me you'll try to love him.17

I... I promise.18

I love you, Catherine.  Don't ever forget that.19

I got out of the car and into my own.  My tears came down just as hard as the rain outside as you left me there, sitting in my misery.  20

I don't know how to let you go, and I don't think I ever will.21