This Is The Scent Of Dead Skin [Korn/Adema]

!WARNING! Although the characters in this story are real-life brothers, in the story they are not represented as such. This story contains themes of abuse and rape. Do not read on if this makes you uncomfortable. !WARNING!1

Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again2


When you're strapped down on a bed, there's not much you can do except struggle.3

'Quit causing a commotion, Mark.'4

Why? Why on earth would you want to do that? You don't belong here. You didn't kill anyone. You didn't have a nervous breakdown. You didn't kiddie-fiddle and you didn't beat your girlfriend because you thought she was the Devil. You don't hear voices. You didn't eat anyone. You didn't attempt suicide, you didn't slash your wrists. You weren't found tying sheets together to hang yourself.5

'Stop thrashing, Mark. Mark, you have to calm down.'6

You don't know why you're here...7

'If you don't calm down, I'm going to have to sedate you.'8

....But you know it's his fault. Davis. The doctor, leaning over you.9

Fine. Sedate me, you want to say, but by then he's already thrusting a needle into your veins and pushing down on the syringe. And the calm's already flooding your body and you're going hazy and floating way high on cloud nine.10

He's drawing the curtain and he's giving you the bruises. Behind your faded eyes you're watching him and crying whilst he's carving the scars and he's punching your stomach and using clamps to give you love-bite imitating patches.11

Then his hand is inside the drawstring trousers and you don't want to, because the idea totally repulses you, but you're getting hard and your hips are arching weakly off the bed into his hand.12

'You shouldn't have turned me down, Marky.'13

You know it shouldn't feel good because he's a guy and you're just not into guys. The whole ass-fucking thing just doesn't appeal. Which doesn't explain why you want to scream every time he slows down and it certainly doesn't explain why a few tugs later and you've come inside your trousers.14

He smears what was on his fingers across your lips. 'Suck,' he demands. 'And don't bite.' You're too tired to bite. You're too scared to disobey. So you're tasting your own bitterness and it's smeared down your chin, too. Fuck you, you want to scream. Fuck you.15

You watch as he slashes one bond tying you to the bed and shoves the knife under your pillow. You watch him bite his lip and his hand snakes down to his own waistband; toying with it whilst he watches your exhausted, terrified eyes, and when your eyes go down the terror breaks through and you realise, oh, god, he's hard, and you can tell he wants to fuck you. You don't know how or why you can tell but you can tell he wants to fuck you.16

He looks around and then down; he switches his pager to "BUSY", he puts it on the side and then he's climbing between your legs and you can feel a little bit of strength coming back and you want him to fuck the hell off and not touch you, but his pants are down and oh, shit - you try to arch backwards from him but he's got his fingers in his mouth and with some amount of horror, you realise he's actually going to prepare you because you're pretty sure butt-fucking hurts like hell.17

Then you realise it isn't for your benefit. It's so there's no blood, or so you don't scream, whatever reason it is, it's for his benefit.18

You black out from it. You pretend you're somewhere else. You pretend it's your girlfriend's fingers pushing inside of you, that you agreed to indulge in a fantasy of hers, that it's her thin, beautiful fingers, not the calloused harsh ones of your "doctor".19

Doctors are supposed to make you better. They're not supposed to beat you and cut you to make you stay in the hospital. They're not supposed to make you look like a suicidal freak.20

When a third finger is in and he's scissoring his fingers out and making you jump by stimulating something that you can't remember the name of except it begins with P, you pretend it's your girlfriend. She's doing this for you as well as her, she wants to open you up to a new world of possibilities.21

Oh god. The fingers are gone and you know what's coming next. It's a hard cold strap-on dildo, it's not this doctor's hard, warm cock.22

And there. He's fucking you. You can feel strength ebbing into you bit by bit, but you can feel that by the time you actually have the strength to fight back he'll be long gone.23

You jump a little every time he hits that bundle of nerves. It feels good in a weird way but you're already spent, plus, the knowledge that he is, infact, raping you takes any perverse joy out of it.24

Oh, oh god.25

Something wet and warm. And you pass out because that's just so terrifying.26

When you come round you're in the safe room. Padded walls and a straight jacket. And Davis, he's stood outside the door, you can see his shadow in the tiny slot window. You can see the outline of his eyes.27

Now you remember why you're in here. Three months ago. Three months ago, you took a bet with your girlfriend on a baseball game, and cause you lost, you had to spend a night at a gay bar with her.28

Davis was there. You insisted you weren't gay. You insisted on it and he got so very angry that you rejected him.29

Then you remember passing out drunk one night that your girlfriend wasn't home and waking up to your girlfriend screaming and then two days later, you were wheeled into this hospital. You couldn't understand why you were covered in cuts down your arms.30

You understand now.31

He's opening the door and closing it and closing the slat across the window and he's straddling your lap and he's shouting angry things at you that you don't understand and then you're telling him, 'Okay.'32

He stops. 'What?'33

You shrug. 'Okay.'34

You hate these confined walls. He managed to make you come, so he can't be that bad. Can he?35

As the talk suddenly turns sweet and gentle and he's kissing you and you're kissing back, and you're confronted with the deal of becoming his boyfriend in return for getting to go - in a couple of months, of course, so it's authentic that you've recovered.36

He leaves the safe room, once you've swallowed his come and tasted your own in a kiss with him.37

Oh.38

Maybe you do deserve to be in here.