The Old Trunk, Part 4

I should have returned to finishing school today. I had carefully placed my polished shoes and pressed uniform on my dresser the night before, in a futile hope that I would be allowed to return to school.1

But I knew the truth. 2

Mother says it is just temporary. That I may return next term. But to miss a whole three months of school is more than I can bear. I will struggle to catch up on my studies.3

My Mother and Father have started to sell some of our belongings. The expensive family heirlooms are to be valued next week. My Mother has confided that with the money made, we can live comfortably again. She also promised that we can have a new Nanny in the new year, providing my Father works hard. I do not understand his profession, but Mother says, with a twinkle in her eye, that Father has some investments planned.4

I can't wait for that time. I am walking around the mansion, deliberately dragging my feet, feeling utterly despondent. My brother's are playing down the hall with my Mother. She always plays with them for an hour each morning, before retiring to her study.5

She is a writer. She writes biographies and spends all day shut away in her study. She makes frequent trips to London too. I am proud of her, she has now five books published under her name. Soon they will start to make money, Mother tells me. Then we won't have to worry any more.6

I sit on the window seat in the drawing room, watching the birds hopping along the vast lawn. The sun is bright today, but a vicious wind is assaulting the trees and I shiver as a small draught escapes through the window pane. 7

I am soon to retire to the kitchen where I must prepare a small luncheon for my brother's. My Mother is easing me into my new chores slowly. She has employed a lady from the local village to attend to the household chores, for a few weeks, until I have learnt how to juggle my responsibilities. Tomorrow I must teach Henry his alphabet. He has forgotten it again.8

I am soon bored of the view, so I step down from the window seat and return to my bedchamber. 9

There lies the diary. Laying forlornly underneath my mattress, it has been forgotten and unloved these last few days. I admit I have skipped many a page when I read it last. Just like myself today, Julietta must have been very bored at times.10

I pick the diary up, sit on my bed and open it. I quickly skim to the last entry I read, before turning my attention to the next page.11

'14th June, 1789.
My piano recital was exceptional. Our
dinner guests were impressed and expressed
their delight at the music I chose.
Gerald said the evening was a grand success.
I am pleased.
I have had many a hard week learning the
piano and only recently felt I had
mastered it.
I am now keen to continue with my
new skill. The tutor has been employed
for the time being.
Sophia is looking well. I have seen her
just once since her son was born.
William is beautiful. An angelic boy
with wisps of golden hair.'12

'29th June, 1789.
I cannot begin to express my joy.'13

'3rd July, 1789.
Gerald has made the announcement
to the household.
I am resting as the doctor has advised
it to be best.
I am tired and already I feel the effects
of nausea.
But the joy I feel surpasses all discomfort.'14


Julietta's news makes me gasp in delight. I am so happy for her that I forget my own sorrows. I can imagine her radiant smile as she learnt of the news. I hope for her sake that she is to bear a son.15

I almost skip ahead to see the outcome, but stop myself. I must be disciplined. I glance up at the grandfather clock out in the hall; it's face is visible from my doorway. 16

I am to prepare food now and despite my grief over school, Julietta's good news puts me in a much better mood. 17

* * *18

I escape under the crisp white linen, giggling uncontrollably. The bed sheets fall delicately over my head as I run back and forth, feeling ever increasingly dizzy. 19

I am playing with Henry and he giggles too as I run away from his outreached palms.20

I should be doing the laundry, but Henry is demanding much of my attention and I do not have the heart to dash his spirits. So I combine my chores with entertaining the little boy. 21

I run under the sheets again, throwing them high into the air and let them cascade over us as we run. I love the smell of fresh linen and breath deeply as the cotton connects with my cheek.22

Despite not being able to return to school as soon as I hoped, I am enjoying my time here. I feel proud that I am able to help Mother and Father. But I do wish for the day when they can afford a Nanny again.23

Father sold an expensive painting three days ago. The money will help pay for the lady who helps me clean the house. She comes three mornings a week now as the mansion is too large for my hands alone.24

Henry is nearly of the age required to have a tutor. I hope Mother and Father can afford one as I don't wish to teach him myself. If that was to happen there would be less chance of me returning to finish my studies.25

My spare time is spent reading the diary. Julietta is becoming more alive to me. I have learnt that like me she has strawberry blonde hair, although she is able to wear hers longer than mine. Mother has started to stare disconcertainly at my hair. I will not let her cut it off, it is past my shoulders and is very becoming.26

I wish to have hair like Julietta's one day. Last night, under cover of darkness and candle light, I learnt more about my new friends.27

'16th August, 1789.
I am already four months gone.
My discomfort has grown into a
neat and compact bump.
I can't feel him moving yet, but
Sophia says it will be soon.
I feel faint with anxiety though.
I have been unwell and only just
feeling more like myself.
I am also worried the baby will not
be a boy.
But I wonder who I am worried for,
as Gerald is quite content to just
be a Father.
I am not sleeping too well either.
But Sophia tells me all this will
pass.'28

'28th August, 1789.
Gerald's Mother and Father arrived
today. They are to lodge with us
for four weeks. Gerald's Mother
is kind, but stern.
I think she sometimes compares me
to Gerald's first wife, as do the
servants.
She likes me, but Mariella was like
a daughter to her.
There is also concern for my fragile state.
They have lost one daughter in law during
child birth and pray not to lose another.
I know if me and my baby survives, Mariella's
memory can rest.
I ache for that.'29

'2nd September, 1789.
Gerald has shown his first hints of
concern today.
I had a bleed two days prior. I was
sent to bed for immediate rest, which
is where I continue to reside.
Bleeding is serious I am told, but
rest may help my condition.
I am surprised as my anxiety is
unusually absent and I remain calm.
I can feel the baby move inside my belly
and that brings me peace.
But as for Gerald, he remains concerned.'