Regret

I remember it almost like it was yesterday. It was last summer; I was in Texas visiting my cousins. It was a hot and beautiful day on the fourth of July. Celeste, Jennifer and I were outside the front door talking about going swimming when Uncle Doug told me that Dad was on the phone. I've always loved my dad and only asked for love in return. The fact that he called made me happy. I took the call inside and sat down on a nearby bed. That's when it all changed. Daddy's voice was confused and sympathetic. Barbara interrupted, wanting to be the one to tell what I could only hope was a nightmare. But it was real, Ian died. I didn't know how to react, nothing else to do but cry. I've known Ian since I was about six years old. He had cerebral pulsy which is a disorder that unabled him to walk or speak right. I loved him endlessly. He kept getting worse in health and then eventually his heart just stopped. For the rest of the week I hardly slept and I didn't cry. I was in a state of shock. Eating became unimportant and writing was the only way I could seem to get a sign of any emotion. I went home later that week. Dad took me to Barbara's and things seemed to only get darker. It hit me soon after that..Ian was really dead. It's been almost a year now since Ian passed away on June thirtieth and I can't say that I'm fully recovered. I guess that we don't really recover over things like that. I cry every time I think of him. We all feel that regret; the 'what if I had done this, why didn't I say that' scenario. I just wish I had the chance to say, bye.1