The wind played around the trees, moving leaves effortlessly in the soft breeze. The small stream tinkled as it passed over stones and pebbles. Branches hung low, dipping their tips into the crystal clear water as if leaning in to take a sip. Sparrows and wrens chirped happily in the trees, fluttering from branch to branch enjoying the warm spring morning. Sunlight filtered through the trees casting a warm glow upon the coloured flowers, amongst which a young lady sat reading a book.1
She had made her way carefully through the flowers so not to squash a single one. When she reached her favorite spot under the old oak she gathered her dress around her shins and sat underneath the branches, surrounded by rich silk fabric. The book she carried beneath her arm was old, the spine broken and the pages yellowing. Yet she would not throw it away. It was the only piece of her past she held and she wasn't about to lose it. 2
She hummed quietly to herself, making it up as she went along. She stopped humming and fell silent, her tune however was being continued. Bewildered she placed her book on the floor beside where she was sat and turned her self round to look behind the tree which only two minutes before she had been leaning on. There was her tune, still being carried on by a small figure who was knelt down. She watched fascinated by how the figure remembered every note she had hummed. Then the noise stopped. The young girl spun round to her original spot so fast she nearly knocked her self out on one of the low branches.3
' I'm not sure why you're scared, you're the one who has been watching me for the past five minutes.' The sound of an elderly woman's voice floated through the air in no more then a whisper but Elizabeth heard every word. Grabbing her book she stood up, and in her haste to get away from the old woman tripped over the old oaks roots and landed on her front flattening all the flowers she had tried so hard to avoid. In shock of what happened Elizabeth remained still, finding her legs didn't want to work in her favour at that moment in time. The woman, looking round the tree saw Elizabeth lying on the floor and chuckled to herself. 4
' In that much of a hurry to get away from me, were we?' She asked still laughing to herself. Elizabeth suddenly found the strength to move her legs and stood up, book still tucked tightly under her arm.5
' I'm sorry i startled you. That was just such a lovely tune you were humming i couldn't resist joining in.' She said, noticing a small scratch on the young girl's face. Elizabeth noticed the minute that the old woman did. She brought her hand up to her face and touched a small wound in her cheek. It hurt a lot to say it was only small.6
' Here, take this. It will help.' Pulling a thatched basket off her arm the woman rooted through the leaves until she found a large green one with a pointed tip.7
' Hold that to your face. The pain will go away.'8
'Thank you.' The young girl said in no more then a whisper. She placed the leaf on her face and looked anywhere but at the kind lady.9
' The name is Doris. I live on the farm in the village. If you ever need anything, feel free to come see me.' She smiled at Elizabeth and walked back to where she was knelt before.10
Elizabeth ran toward her home. She didn't look back, but she knew that wouldn't be the last time she met Doris.11
Author notes
I know this doesnt seem to have anything to do with part one but keep reading my next installments i promise you it does!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
OK, I have to stop again. This is interesting... Completely different from the first part... I guess this means that all these people will meet and the stories will wind together...
The reason why I stopped is that you used a lot of pronouns in the third paragraph. I had to stop and reread quite a bit in order to understand who you were talking about and who was doing the speaking. Perhaps you want to introduce Elizabeth's name earlier so that we understand better... Just a thought, though. Great job, though... On to part three!
-
Lol glad u think its getting good!
Edited on Mar 27, 10:51 because ''. -
hey gettin gud lauren woot and now 2 part 3
-
i maybe i may not! you will have to wait and see.
-
ooo, anotha gr8 enstalment, i think u want us to think u r jumping about on the timline of the book but really u arent?1
-
Oh hey emma. Lol no one will get it yet but it will all become apparent later Thanks for commenting!
Lauren x -
thankyou!
Lauren xx -
v. good lauren, although i don't understand where the running girl and men hav got to, keep writing cause i need to know whats going on.
-
this is a very good write. extremely interesting. keep up the great work!!
-
Lol im just going to call them parts. Yes you were extremely helpful and as before i am goign to take your advice and improve my writing so thankyou very much!
Lauren x -
i said i was going to continue reading, and i'll stick to that!
just a few tiny things-
"Branches hung low dipping their tips into the crystal clear water as if leaning in to take a sip." there should be a comma (,) between low and dipping.
"The book she carried beneath her arm was old, the spine was broken and the pages yellowing. " for my tastes, the 'was' in "the spine was broken" should be eliminated to flow with the rest of the sentance better.
"I'm not sure why your scared..." Your should be You're.
"' In that much of a hurry to get away from me were we?' " there should be a comma between me and were we.
"She said noticing a small scratch on the young girls face" since the face belongs to the girl, there should be a apostrophe (') in girl's, like so. Also, there should be a comma (,) between said and noticing.
"She didn't look back but she knew that wouldn't be the last time she met Doris." Another comma (,) between back and but. and may i add, that is a great way to end the section/chapter/whatever is you're calling these.
hope i was helpful!-Ispeakforthetrees
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
